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I hate...
#1
...that loneliness can make me so vulnerable.

So I know this young woman. She's got problems. She's manipulative, deceitful, addicted to drugs, and beautiful. She has latched onto me for some ungodly reason and tortures me with the promise of what she could be if she tried, but just can't, or just won't. You can't even have a relationship with this girl; we'll spend fleeting romantic nights together and then she'll disappear for weeks on end. She's lied to me, stolen from me and manipulated me. She's just awful through and through. I've told her to stay away from me but tonight, just like before, she's reached out to me for whatever reason. I find myself constantly glancing at my phone, imagining what it'll be like if we talk again, hoping beyond hope that she's changed.

I just wish I had somebody else to focus on. Someone else to take my mind off of her. Some other more healthy, realistic hope for the future. Despite all rational objections, emotionally, I just want to see her again. I plan on telling her to stay away from me, for the hundredth time it seems, it's just not going to be easy.
...the 5th of November [Image: falks_sm.png]

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#2
It sounds like you really like her but you can see what she is. Sometimes people only change when they themselves want to. It is never easy to let go of someone..try not to think about forgetting her. Focus on yourself and even if you are tempted to call her. Go for a jog, clean your house, paint, do something to get your mind off her. Hope this helps best of luck.
'The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It's the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.'
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#3
You can't change her. It sounds like she barely wants to help herself, much less change how her life is going or what she does. Changing her is the impossible weight to lift. But you do have a choice. And that's to either continue to deal her, to survive and endure what she does. Or, you could break ties with her, ignoring any cry or call. It's your choice whether or not you allow someone to bring you down. But you can't bring someone up above water, can't keep them afloat, if they have no desire to swim.

Best of luck to you. I know it's hard.
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#4
Thx for responding/reading. It's funny how much it helps just to come and vent online to a bunch of virtual strangers. Smile
...the 5th of November [Image: falks_sm.png]

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#5
Predators are good at targeting people who are lonely or vulnerable and exploiting that. Half of getting their fix of whatever it is they want - money, attention, sex, anything - is to make it seem like they're capable of change, like it's a misconception on the victim's part, or like what they're doing isn't purposeful.

Don't be the sick animal laying in the grass and bleating while lions chew on it. The longer you stay the more and more deeply this person will wound you.
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#6
so sorry you are feeling like that - I hope that one day you realize that the power is on your side, only it's not easy to just do it. This is why lots of people smoke drinks or take drugs even if they know that they are bad for them, because they are pleasant, and you say that she is beautiful.
Lots of people managed to get rid of those other addictions, and free space in their lives for what is good and healthy for them - I know it is difficult to view a person like an addiction, but this is what it is.

The power is in you - if pride is not enough to support you (love the parallel with the chewing lions) to stay away from her, do what other addicts do: distract yourself, count the days you spend without your addictive person, time does make a difference, we can wean ourselves out of a lot of things, even beautiful dysfunctional women.
“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”


“I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine - I'm here."
"Is there something wrong with that?"
"Absolutely.”

<a href=
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-D2d4joqp8cA/Tq...29alt2.png </a>
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#7
You might be "too close to see it"... Sometimes when you feel certain way about someone, we may not see the person for what he/she really is... It's not until we distance ourselves from that person & almost be a "cold or cruel" person to see the reality of the situation... Like others said, or at least implied, she may not be for you... Almost everybody has some sort of problem(s) but it's one thing to have a problem but something entirely different to lie about it & steal from people she's around & manipulate people for her gain... It may be that time to cut your ties and/or losses & move on...
Sometimes when you're crying, nobody notices your tears... Sometimes when you're worried, nobody feels your pain... Sometimes when you're happy, nobody sees your smile... But fart just one time and..................
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#8
I know she's bad news. It's just such a relief to have someone, anyone, around for a change. It's a break from the somber, isolated monotony that is my life. I also find myself attracted to troubled women, to troubled people for that matter. It has made my life difficult.
...the 5th of November [Image: falks_sm.png]

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#9
(08-02-2014, 11:15 AM)jjessea Wrote: I know she's bad news. It's just such a relief to have someone, anyone, around for a change. It's a break from the somber, isolated monotony that is my life. I also find myself attracted to troubled women, to troubled people for that matter. It has made my life difficult.

Whoa... You got that sticker on your forehead, too? lol... I've been there few times... Some of the girls I've dated, as short period as they may have been, seemed really "troubled" in their head... I know what you mean about having someone around, though... May be "girlfriend" type isn't really what you need... Just a good friend who's willing to listen & hang out... Go out & do some stuff, & I understand as easy as that may sound it's not all that easy... Like I said, you might to too close to see the big picture... It also has to do with how you're feeling... If you're so focused on how "isolated monotony" of your life, then you may act out without even knowing it & may attract those type of people into your life...
Sometimes when you're crying, nobody notices your tears... Sometimes when you're worried, nobody feels your pain... Sometimes when you're happy, nobody sees your smile... But fart just one time and..................
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#10
(08-01-2014, 12:08 PM)VanillaCreme Wrote: You can't change her. It sounds like she barely wants to help herself, much less change how her life is going or what she does. Changing her is the impossible weight to lift. But you do have a choice. And that's to either continue to deal her, to survive and endure what she does. Or, you could break ties with her, ignoring any cry or call. It's your choice whether or not you allow someone to bring you down. But you can't bring someone up above water, can't keep them afloat, if they have no desire to swim.

Best of luck to you. I know it's hard.

+1
I echo what Nilla said here.
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