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Eireann13

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I came to this site with the hopes of meeting people in similar situations as myself. So far I’ve encountered some unpleasantness which in addition to already feeling horrible about myself, these things that are said only magnify my negative outlook on things. It makes me think of leaving this site as I don’t need more toxic nonsense in my life.

No one knows me or where I’ve been to justify the things said, the judgement, the assumptions or the condescension. I am not naive to think that when I came here it would be all rainbows and roses. I knew there would be people who live just hurt others to make themselves feel better because it’s easy when you hide behind a screen ...I know these people exist. I just wish they wouldn’t.

My problems are my own, no one can know them to the full extent unless they have lived the exact same life. So to assume certain things about me from only reading a sentence or two about my life is horrible. Then to offer ill advised advice is also sickening. I came here to chat, not to feel more hateful towards myself.

Perhaps my skin is not thick enough to be here, maybe it is, but from I what I know someone shouldn't have to have thick skin to be anywhere, anywhere where they should feel safe. I don’t want to be judged or belittled by strangers; I get that enough in my real life without being in a place like this, having people who think they are above everyone looking down on others.

Maybe these people have more issues if they feel the need to bring others down to lift themselves up. Bully’s are always the weakest and fall the hardest. Know-it-alls eventually get put in their place. I feel sorry for those people who make others small to make themselves bigger.

I also have to wonder about those people who give ill advised advice, did they get their Ph.D at Costco? Until you’ve actually received a real Ph.D or M.D from an Ivy or the like, stop telling others how to run their lives.
 
I think you'll be judged wherever you go. It's not about what kind of forum it is, it's about how others deal with certain situations. As to how thick your skin is...it does play a role, regardless of where you are. A person can't insult you unless you allow them to insult you. People say honeysuckle, people are rude, but unless you let it bother you, it's not a big deal, really. That's just how life is, unfortunately.

However, as to the advice you were given (not sure what you are referring to), one doesn't need a Ph.D to give advice and one doesn't have to follow advice that is given to them. But, I must say that while you are talking about people condemning and judging you, you are kind of doing the same thing with this post.

As with anywhere, some people you will get along with and some people you won't. This site is for any number of people. Some are okay with being alone and others aren't. Some might not be lonely and some might. We came from all walks of life. No one's life is the same, we all have different problems, we have all been through different things. No one really has a right to judge anyone, IMO, but in this world, it's going to happen.
 
If you don't want advice, then don't ask advice.
Simple.
 
People will be people. Whether "in real life" or on a forum. People may make assumptions, but think, they have nothing to go on but what you give them. So always be clear on what you mean. I'm sure you've assumed something about someone at some point in life, as have I. Its natural when there's fill-in-the-blanks. Don't let things hit you so hard in the face, okay? And I intend well by saying that, because I don't know the exact details of whatever happened.
 
Ignore the honeysuckle advice, focus on the good feedback- works good in day to day life too.
 
I'm new here as well and have also seen some nastiness but then that happens on most forums, people either come across the wrong way in text as there isn't the benefit of tone of voice or facial expressions or you get some people who just love to be nasty to someone who they will never meet or have to speak to face to face.

On this site as well you have the added factor of people who suffer depression, anxiety and just general negative experiences that might play a factor in what they say or how they react to things.

Just talk to the people you want to talk to and ignore the rest, just like in "Real Life".
 
I suppose the point of this forum is to somehow gather people with common issues (not just one, but a multitude) to try and seek some advice. Perhaps even help with solving a problem or two. This isn't a forum that offers official, professional medical advice for any reason or ailment, in any shape or form, and we don't claim to do so. I don't know what you came here for, but being snappy at people for offering their advice won't get you anywhere either. You made a thread, open to discussion, where anyone registered could speak their minds. Just because you happened not to like what you read doesn't mean it was wrong of them to reply.

For future reference, if you wish to make a thread to get your thoughts and ideas out, but do not want people responding, try the Diary section. It's been helpful for many people.
 
Well according to you, it's a place where people come to talk about being lonely and then rudely attack anyone they don't like. And for some reason you're not allowed to post here if you're not lonely. Did it occur to you that perhaps some people became less lonely after joining this forum? I saw your thread and you were rude and aggressive. You can "you don't know me" all you like but that's what I saw. And it looks to me like you're extremely guilty of what you dislike in others. No one here is out to get you or make you feel bad about yourself, but it'll happen if you lash out at people like you did. If you don't like someone simply because they are annoying or because they give advice you did not want to hear, then try to ignore them or do what I do and print their avatar out and throw darts at it.

Your low self-esteem is warping people's comments to you and making you get defensive when no one is attacking you. I've been guilty of this in the past too and probably still do it sometimes... I find imagining the other person saying it in a cheeky voice helps a bit.

Give us a chance, you'll find some nice people here, I promise.
 
TheRealCallie said:
painter said:
then try to ignore them or do what I do and print their avatar out and throw darts at it.

You throw darts at my chicken, don't you? :club:

What an inspiring thought....
 
If it makes you feel any better Eireann13 forums have been on the decline for a few years now and I believe it is in part due to situations where you have these misunderstandings and sometimes outright bullying of new members by the Admins and older members of a forum. I have seen it happen before and even been a victim of it.

They tend to shoot themselves in the foot eventually when they realize that no one is posting anymore, or better still on sites that look for donations and they find no one is donating.

So you're not alone by any means.
 
Monkee said:
If it makes you feel any better Eireann13 forums have been on the decline for a few years now and I believe it is in part due to situations where you have these misunderstandings and sometimes outright bullying of new members by the Admins and older members of a forum. I have seen it happen before and even been a victim of it.

They tend to shoot themselves in the foot eventually when they realize that no one is posting anymore, or better still on sites that look for donations and they find no one is donating.

So you're not alone by any means.

You aren't referring to ALL with this statement are you?

I may be interpreting that wrong (and if I am, my apologies), but it kind of seems that way. This forum is a rather large community and many of them are kind and easy going when you get to know them. I have made MANY friends here and I am thankful that I came here and got to know them. However, I have also made enemies here, or at the very least, some people here dislike me.
But if you are going to let a person or two make your mind up about the forum, especially considering you are interpreting what they are saying wrong, then maybe you aren't looking for what you thought you were. Or maybe you're looking for an excuse to not be here, because then it won't be your fault that it didn't work out.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Monkee said:
If it makes you feel any better Eireann13 forums have been on the decline for a few years now and I believe it is in part due to situations where you have these misunderstandings and sometimes outright bullying of new members by the Admins and older members of a forum. I have seen it happen before and even been a victim of it.

They tend to shoot themselves in the foot eventually when they realize that no one is posting anymore, or better still on sites that look for donations and they find no one is donating.

So you're not alone by any means.

You aren't referring to ALL with this statement are you?

I may be interpreting that wrong (and if I am, my apologies), but it kind of seems that way. This forum is a rather large community and many of them are kind and easy going when you get to know them. I have made MANY friends here and I am thankful that I came here and got to know them. However, I have also made enemies here, or at the very least, some people here dislike me.
But if you are going to let a person or two make your mind up about the forum, especially considering you are interpreting what they are saying wrong, then maybe you aren't looking for what you thought you were. Or maybe you're looking for an excuse to not be here, because then it won't be your fault that it didn't work out.

I was simply offering support and letting Eireann know that these crappy things happen on forums, I have been a victim of this kind of thing myself, where I post something however innocent and people pounce on it and the next thing you know it escalates out of control and even when I have walked away so to speak from the fight I still have the members with Admin/Mod support abusing me, even when I give up and ask for my account to be deleted.

Like I mentioned, the karma effect is that many of these forums have very few posts due to a lack of active members, they also have new people join who quit shortly afterwards or simply never come back.

My post was one of support and an expression of understanding.

If you wish to take it otherwise than that is your choice.
 
Monkee said:
TheRealCallie said:
Monkee said:
If it makes you feel any better Eireann13 forums have been on the decline for a few years now and I believe it is in part due to situations where you have these misunderstandings and sometimes outright bullying of new members by the Admins and older members of a forum. I have seen it happen before and even been a victim of it.

They tend to shoot themselves in the foot eventually when they realize that no one is posting anymore, or better still on sites that look for donations and they find no one is donating.

So you're not alone by any means.

You aren't referring to ALL with this statement are you?

I may be interpreting that wrong (and if I am, my apologies), but it kind of seems that way. This forum is a rather large community and many of them are kind and easy going when you get to know them. I have made MANY friends here and I am thankful that I came here and got to know them. However, I have also made enemies here, or at the very least, some people here dislike me.
But if you are going to let a person or two make your mind up about the forum, especially considering you are interpreting what they are saying wrong, then maybe you aren't looking for what you thought you were. Or maybe you're looking for an excuse to not be here, because then it won't be your fault that it didn't work out.

I was simply offering support and letting Eireann know that these crappy things happen on forums, I have been a victim of this kind of thing myself, where I post something however innocent and people pounce on it and the next thing you know it escalates out of control and even when I have walked away so to speak from the fight I still have the members with Admin/Mod support abusing me, even when I give up and ask for my account to be deleted.

Like I mentioned, the karma effect is that many of these forums have very few posts due to a lack of active members, they also have new people join who quit shortly afterwards or simply never come back.

My post was one of support and an expression of understanding.

If you wish to take it otherwise than that is your choice.

You didn't answer my question, but you are somewhat implying that this forum may be like that. It's not.

One thing about this forum that I have witnessed many times, is that we tend to stick up for each other. We are there for each other. I have seen people who don't get along come together to defend/back up/support a common friend.
Yes, we have people here who are outspoken and blunt (I'm one of them) and we have people here who are sometimes rude and insensitive (who are reprimanded and/or punished if they are insulting). Then we also have people here who do whatever it takes to try to keep the peace. This forum is just like real life.
"You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have....the facts of life."
 
I think it's more that some people take words on a screen way too personally. Even when it's not directed at them, or if they take it in a way that was not the original intent, they perceive it to be an attack of some sort. It's one thing to ask for advice or to be able to just talk to some people. But it's something completely different to dive head first into every comment, taking things so personal, that there's no room for anything else to be said. That's when conversations die, and that's when many people feel they aren't welcomed anymore.
 
I'm not sure what all I missed here but I think this is a great forum and it has some of the best moderators that I've come across on the web. Friendliness here will elicit friendliness and negativity often elicits negativity. I've found that's quite true in real life too.
Heck, I still come here even though I'm not particularly lonely most of the time (just a grumpy old codger sometimes :) ). I'm here because I like a lot of the members and the mods keep out the riff-raff.

-Teresa
 
[/quote]

You didn't answer my question, but you are somewhat implying that this forum may be like that. It's not.

One thing about this forum that I have witnessed many times, is that we tend to stick up for each other. We are there for each other. I have seen people who don't get along come together to defend/back up/support a common friend.
Yes, we have people here who are outspoken and blunt (I'm one of them) and we have people here who are sometimes rude and insensitive (who are reprimanded and/or punished if they are insulting). Then we also have people here who do whatever it takes to try to keep the peace. This forum is just like real life.
"You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have....the facts of life."
[/quote]

Actually I did answer your question and I was coming to the support of another member as I know how much it sucks when it feels like people are ganging up on you. You said that you have seen members come to other members aid in here, that is fine but obviously that can also feel like a case of "ganging up" to the person who is being attacked.

It works both ways, but bullies hate it when it someone stands up to them and they tend to become more and more aggressive, well I stand up to bullies.

I get a lot of aggression in your words, not sure if that is supposed to put me off or something, I don't care to be honest.
 
Monkee said:
Actually I did answer your question and I was coming to the support of another member as I know how much it sucks when it feels like people are ganging up on you. You said that you have seen members come to other members aid in here, that is fine but obviously that can also feel like a case of "ganging up" to the person who is being attacked.

It works both ways, but bullies hate it when it someone stands up to them and they tend to become more and more aggressive, well I stand up to bullies.

No one insulted or was rude to the OP. She just interpreted that way. As you said in your last post, that is on her if she chose to take it a way that was not intended. After the OP felt she was being attacked, she made this thread and started judging people and condemning them for supposedly judging and condemning her.
To which, you rush in and take up her cause on a forum that you just joined saying we're all bullies and judging people and whatever else you said, while you have a number of older members telling you that that is not the way it is here. But, of course, I'm sure we're all just talking out our asses.

So who exactly are you calling a bully?
 
TheRealCallie said:
Monkee said:
Actually I did answer your question and I was coming to the support of another member as I know how much it sucks when it feels like people are ganging up on you. You said that you have seen members come to other members aid in here, that is fine but obviously that can also feel like a case of "ganging up" to the person who is being attacked.

It works both ways, but bullies hate it when it someone stands up to them and they tend to become more and more aggressive, well I stand up to bullies.

No one insulted or was rude to the OP. She just interpreted that way. As you said in your last post, that is on her if she chose to take it a way that was not intended. After the OP felt she was being attacked, she made this thread and started judging people and condemning them for supposedly judging and condemning her.
To which, you rush in and take up her cause on a forum that you just joined saying we're all bullies and judging people and whatever else you said, while you have a number of older members telling you that that is not the way it is here. But, of course, I'm sure we're all just talking out our asses.

So who exactly are you calling a bully?

Are you trolling?

Where did I call anyone a bully?

And why is it ok for all of you guys to stand up for each other but not ok for me to stand up for someone? Sounds like a hypocritical clique mentality to me.

What happened to Mods being impartial, neutral, non aggressive?

And I suppose if older members say something isn't so then it isn't so right?

Pffft.

Is a newbie less important? Just fodder for the established members?

If you read my posts I actually explained in detail and yet you still come back on an ever increasingly aggressive level, am I meant to back down or something? If you think your position as old member makes you something special I am sorry it does not, I will question you as I do anyone else.

Goodbye Callie, you are not worth the time and effort, you have shown your true colours.
 
Monkee said:
TheRealCallie said:
Monkee said:
Actually I did answer your question and I was coming to the support of another member as I know how much it sucks when it feels like people are ganging up on you. You said that you have seen members come to other members aid in here, that is fine but obviously that can also feel like a case of "ganging up" to the person who is being attacked.

It works both ways, but bullies hate it when it someone stands up to them and they tend to become more and more aggressive, well I stand up to bullies.

No one insulted or was rude to the OP. She just interpreted that way. As you said in your last post, that is on her if she chose to take it a way that was not intended. After the OP felt she was being attacked, she made this thread and started judging people and condemning them for supposedly judging and condemning her.
To which, you rush in and take up her cause on a forum that you just joined saying we're all bullies and judging people and whatever else you said, while you have a number of older members telling you that that is not the way it is here. But, of course, I'm sure we're all just talking out our asses.

So who exactly are you calling a bully?

Are you trolling?

Where did I call anyone a bully?

And why is it ok for all of you guys to stand up for each other but not ok for me to stand up for someone? Sounds like a hypocritical clique mentality to me.

And I suppose if older members say something isn't so then it isn't so right?

Pffft.

Goodbye Callie, you are not worth the effort.

So, I counter your posts with legitimate arguments and you accuse me of trolling? Well, that's nice.

You go on a nice long rant about how unfair everyone is to the OP, and then go on some spew about bullies. But, of course, that had no relation to anything you said in your previous paragraph about members of this forum, huh? That's nice, too.

Maybe because, as has been said many time, by numerous people, the OP jumped the gun and called people out that she shouldn't have. Telling a member that they shouldn't be here or give advice? You don't find that a little bit harsh and rude?
There are no requirements to registering on this forum. Whether someone is lonely or not lonely, this is a public forum and everyone has the right to join and post what they want and where they want. As long as they are not insulting or break the rules, where's the problem?

I wouldn't go pointing fingers about being hypocritical, though.

I never said older members are always right, but we know the forum a little better than newer members. Now doesn't that make sense?

Mhm, okay, buh bye now.


Monkee said:
What happened to Mods being impartial, neutral, non aggressive?

Is a newbie less important? Just fodder for the established members?

If you read my posts I actually explained in detail and yet you still come back on an ever increasingly aggressive level, am I meant to back down or something? If you think your position as Mod makes you something special I am sorry it does not, I will question you as I do anyone else.

Goodbye Callie, you are not worth the time and effort, you have shown your true colours.

Oh look, you added more....Let me address that.

I'm not a mod on the forum. M'kay?

I never said newbies were less important, just that they don't know the forum or the older members as well as the older members.

I'm being aggressive? Really? lol no I'm countering your arguments, and you don't seem to like that. Not my problem. And again. I'm NOT a mod on the forum. Don't know where you got that idea.

You haven't seen anything of my true colors, but thanks for thinking you have. :)
 
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