changing yourself

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angeLLblueshadow

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hi, i was just wondering about something and i wanted to ask you too;

you know i don't have friends and even if i have they don't know anything about me, because every conversation with anybody is like listening to what other people say, because nobody listens to me ar even lets me talk so it's like listening and giving advise; it's not that people don't notice me, it's just that they only need me for making them their homeworks or laughing about me and making fun about me, well i guess you got the point; so i'm quite lonely and i just have to shout up because everything i say is wrong and gets me into more troubles, well i still have some problems that bother me, but i'll just get to the question;

you know because of all of my problems, i've tried like milions of times of changing, just to try and have at least one friend to which i could tell anything, well if you ask if i succeded, nope, i'm still lonely;

i just wanted to ask you if you at least have one though aboput changing yourself, i have to know if i'm the only one who did this!:(

anyhow, please tell me !

a kiss and a big smile!
 
angeLLblueshadow said:
i just wanted to ask you if you at least have one though aboput changing yourself, i have to know if i'm the only one who did this!:(

Hello angeLLblueshadow!
Yes, many times I think about changing myself in order to make more friends.
I think that the main reason which makes me think to change myself is to please somebody else. IMHO this may be frustrating, though. I mean, if you change something only trying to please somebody probably that person will appreciate you but on the other hand you have lost something: this might be good if you got rid of some bad attitude or fault, but what if you give up some important part of yourself?
Sometimes it's better to be yourself rather than trying to be somebody else. A real imperfect person is better than a fake perfect person, I think.;)
 
well yes, the main reason for changing myself had been to please everbody around, but i understood, that by pleasing everybody i wasn't pleasing myself; now i'm trying to be myself, but i'm afraid i have already lost my own personality; anyway thank you very much for writing me back
 
Don't worry, your personality can still be retrieved!
You're welcome! We're here to meet each other and share something :D Hugs and kisses!
 
I'm sort of in a similiar situation. Though in my class everyone makes fun of everyone so its just a normal thing.

I have tried to change buts its hard to just start out the blue, gradually maybe but then theres and event which brings you back down again, or you just forget at the weekend. I just feel it could be strange to change overnight, what would people say? Or even their actions.

I thought i was the only one, seems me or we are not.
 
You don't necessarily have to change your self but you don't have to be too hard on yourself, you shouldn't do things solely for the purpose of pleasing others, and once you feel good enough about who you are, you'll start to stop worrying about how others perceive you.
 
You can't 'change' yourself, or you wouldn't be 'yourself'. I think that you can better yourself. Everyone has a different way of doing that. The classic answer to that question is "Follow Your Heart". What do I love? What do I dream about? Am I doing that now? How can I get there? They are questions you have to answer, because only you know. Then there is the big question: Am I ready to leave behind everything that makes me feel comfortable and safe? Everything happens for the best, for those who make it happen.
 
I think this is an interesting question because -- maybe it is not about changing ourselves in terms of who we really are, but in terms of what skills we lack in relationships....

I have tried this...actually I'm trying for some time now...I had to accept the fact that I grew up in a family where my parents didn't really have good social skills, so I didn't have anyone to learn it from...And later on, grew up in somewhat closed community...where feelings are not easily showed, so I didn't learn how to show my true face to other people....

I'm now trying to learn it, but it's hard...Because you have to virtually unwind your whole life up to that point -since you learned something else till then....And learn another behaviour patterns and I guess that means changing yourself but not in negative terms...And also, you have to try to forget all the bad experiences you had with people...

Luckily, I've got the greatest therapist in the world....If I can make this with anyone's help, than it's with his...But we will see :)

Has anyone else try to work on himself in this way? See where exactly did things go in wrong direction and what it is that makes it so hard for you to have contacts with another human being?

I would like to hear all of your stories and experinces!

p.s. I thought of opening a new thread, but since this one already had a similiar subject....
 
I don't really change myself but I do try to do things to succeed socially, such as confiding in and helping those who are in similar situations, focusing on people who aren't superficial, etc..  I'm also trying to be more proactive this year.
 
joeynicdao said:
I don't really change myself but I do try to do things to succeed socially, such as confiding in and helping those who are in similar situations, focusing on people who aren't superficial, etc..  I'm also trying to be more proactive this year.


And? How is it going? My proactiveness hasn't really get me anywhere yet...:( ...my therapist thinks I should go out alone, sit somewhere and drink coffee and meet new people that way...I'm like "Yeah right am I gonna do that" :D
 
Luna_luce said:
I'm now trying to learn it, but it's hard...Because you have to virtually unwind your whole life up to that point -since you learned something else till then....And learn another behaviour patterns and I guess that means changing yourself but not in negative terms...And also, you have to try to forget all the bad experiences you had with people...
[...]
Has anyone else try to work on himself in this way? See where exactly did things go in wrong direction and what it is that makes it so hard for you to have contacts with another human being?

Hi Luna_luce, I can relate to that part of your post: lately I've realised that I just have to learn new behaviour patterns and to forget bad experiences. I find it very hard, really, but it seems the only way to improve myself and to get social skills.
I'm trying to work on myself and I've noticed so far that what makes so hard for me to have contacts is my past. Previous experience is often like an edge between me and the others.
 
wow, i'm impresed this thread became so big...anyway somebody wrote that you can't change overnight and that is comepleatly true, but maybe it would be better this way, i mean like this you'll show your good side in an unexpected way and people will notice this and you may be able to get some new friends, but then again changins your self like this is practically imposible!

and yes Luna_luce i've been trying recently to see where i did wrong...but it is SO difficult...

a kiss and a big smile!
 
Stop trying to find something that works for other people. You have to find someting that works for yourself, and yourself only. When you're comfortable about yourself, you can start getting comfortable around other people.

I'm a lot more comfortable with myself now than I was back in high school. Back then when people started talking to me I just wanted to run away. Today I find myself actually leading most conversations when I talk to other people. I can't tell you how to do it. it's not easy. Just try to relax and be yourself. Don't be afraid when talking to other people. I think a lot of people, even the social ones have a hard time talking to people they don't know very well.
 
my problem is once i get in a mood where i'm jokin and havin fun i start feeling goofy and in turn get self conscious... i'm always afraid i'm gonna say something that will give someone the opportunity to make fun of me or something. i'm tryin to not be effected by things like that and build a harder shell but it's hard. and another thing is i'm afraid to initiate things like hangin out... i dunno i'm all messed up.
 
i did this and it has worked for me many times, although it is very difficult to do.

Don't change anything about yourself that you think will make others like you better, even someone you like immensely.

Change what YOU dislike about yourself. Think hard and long about a change that you could make in your own like that could make you happy, even a small one. and do it.

I've been called ugly numerous times in my life, and for many years I believed everyone. I hated that I hated they way I looked because everyone else did. One day, I decided to throw vanity out the window, I shaved my head, wore no make up and faced the world. It was the best thing I ever did. I did it for me, but because I gained self confidence, people respect me now.

:)

I hope you can
 

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