People Pleasing

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Case

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How many of us live our lives not for ourselves but for other people? How many of us toss away our own convictions to curry favor with or seek validation from another person?

It happens all too often, but there is a simple cure. Don't seek validation from others, and do what you wish. (Assuming you are not harming anyone in the process.)

"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law", I believe is the Aleister Crowley quote. (I'm on my damnable phone, so I can't very well look it up.) Do what thou wilt. Or possibly, do what you want, and don't seek approval or permission from anyone. (This excludes some people who are not fully in control of their own lives, such as minors, but can still be applied.)

If you want to paint, find a way to paint. If you want to sing, find a way to sing. Do whatever pleases you and don't give a honeysuckle about anyone else's negativity or cynicism. If you gain approval, then that is icing on the cake, but don't make the icing your goal.

Whatever you do, by all means, be a well-mannered person when the occasion demands it. But don't be a slave to the interests of other people. You are more important, and your expressions, be they artistic, philosophical, mechanical, political, or spiritual, are your business, and no one has the right in a free country to infringe upon that.

Do you let your desire to please people guide you in your daily life? I suggest examining your life's priorities and focus on your goals. Certainly, some approval is nice. A lot of approval is even better. But if we seek approval as the goal instead of the product we make or the person we want to be, we are handing our destinies to others.

I say, achieve your goals and don't seek approval for them. If you work hard, that is the achievement. Approval is extra.
 
I've lived my life for others all my life, honestly. I am just only starting to live it my way now. I want to do these things.. but sometimes it's hard when it means you'd hurt or put to disadvantage the people you love the most.
 
I,too, have lived most of my life to please other people, most of whom didn't really give a **** about me. I am trying hard to break this behaviour but it is very hard to change the pattern of a lifetime and I think that this issue is something I will always struggle with.
 
I have a very hard time seeing the line between pleasing others and being unselfish. Often what I feel is the amount that people should do for others, is not what they think. For example. I just lost out on a job. I lost out to people who can retire but won't. I think that is selfish and I am angry at them for that. I do believe if that was me ... I would have retired so others could have a chance. But they don't. They feel they should get what they want for as long as they can. And they act like *I* can do that too so they feel justified. But I would not do that because I feel that is selfish. Essentially I am putting other people's perceived wants ahead of me. Instead of putting me first at all times. Why don't I do that. Why can't I put me first all the time? Somehow it seems selfish and wrong to me.
 
It's definitely hard to change from living your life to please others, but it is something that can be done. I'm in the middle of doing it myself. I got tired of how I was and despite making everyone else happy I was miserable and that never seemed to matter to anyone. I finally decided that I had had enough and started doing things for me to make ME happy and if others had a problem with that, oh well. I started going to the gym and lost a lot of weight. I'm in the process of transferring to another position within the company I work at to be with a group I fit in much better with (the chain of command is not happy about that but they did admit there was nothing they could do to stop me). Yes there are good days and bad days with this, but at some point each and every one of us has got to say "no more"
 

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