AFrozenSoul
Well-known member
So I have been in an office for the past week, thank you work. Normally I work from home and it has been quite a while since I last had to travel for work. It has been odd, but for the first time I feel like maybe... there is a very small chance... really it is nothing.. but it is still like an itch that won't go away... that my hyper-reclusive lifestyle is some what detrimental. I am not sure how to put it to be honest. It feels like something is not missing from me because I do my best to keep my head down and not talk.
I think the first thing that I am missing is some of my restraint. Not so much that I am actually saying negative things or anything like that. No it is more like I find myself having to be aware of my sarcasm censor. You know I have to actually think before I speak more than I used to in the past. In the past, I could go into a work mode where my brain would just... well know how to translate myself from being off the clock to being on the clock. I do not get much client interaction over the course of my career, that is the business person's job. However, when I worked in an office I did not have to put as much effort into making sure that I was being PC or nice or whatever.
Then there is the whole socializing thing. Normally this is not a problem, but at this particular company I have to be escorted around the first floor by an official employee. If I go to the first floor and do not have an escort I am stuck there. Now the whole not knowing how to talk thing is normal for me. Normally I just fade into the background and let the day play its course. However, things are different when you need to be escorted around. I mean...I do not have any real interest in speaking to people. Yet now that I must have an escort that changes things and makes my usual blank staring awkward for both of us. If I am lucky there will be someone else in the room to talk too, but it gets even worse when they try to rope me into the conversation.
I am having that problem at lunch, I cannot really relate to anything that is said. I mean most of the time they are talking about normal people stuff like friends, significant others, partying. Things I have no real practical experience with. Sometimes I can just hunker down and eat my lunch while they converse, but every once in a while the conversation is thrown to me and I have nothing to say. So I lie or steal one of my brother's stories to make it seem like I am relatable. After all, that whole having to be escorted around thing really puts a damper on things for me. There is not much that I can do. Normally things are quiet, but I get it that people just seem to need to talk.
So yeah maybe, in some conceivable way, there is something wrong with my lifestyle, and despite its short length. My new life style is kind of having a negative effect on me. Not in just the usual ways, in a new way that makes me want to win the lottery so I can recluse forever. I forget how different working in an office can be. It is not like the annoying pool parties that my window happens to face. You know where I can just turn on a fan and turn up the volume on the TV and be done with that nonsense. No, it is something else, I have to actually deal with it and maybe, just maybe, avoiding or minimizing interactions with others is hurting me. However, I guess I cannot know until after my project manager yells at me for not being PC enough. Which is a very rare thing.. I mean I REALLY have to anger someone.
Oh well, at least I will be rid of this environment and I can return to my life of blankly blurting out my name when someone at the crossfit gym asks for it. Though it seems like that time is an eternity away... ugh... I need it to be now so I can focus on work.
I think the first thing that I am missing is some of my restraint. Not so much that I am actually saying negative things or anything like that. No it is more like I find myself having to be aware of my sarcasm censor. You know I have to actually think before I speak more than I used to in the past. In the past, I could go into a work mode where my brain would just... well know how to translate myself from being off the clock to being on the clock. I do not get much client interaction over the course of my career, that is the business person's job. However, when I worked in an office I did not have to put as much effort into making sure that I was being PC or nice or whatever.
Then there is the whole socializing thing. Normally this is not a problem, but at this particular company I have to be escorted around the first floor by an official employee. If I go to the first floor and do not have an escort I am stuck there. Now the whole not knowing how to talk thing is normal for me. Normally I just fade into the background and let the day play its course. However, things are different when you need to be escorted around. I mean...I do not have any real interest in speaking to people. Yet now that I must have an escort that changes things and makes my usual blank staring awkward for both of us. If I am lucky there will be someone else in the room to talk too, but it gets even worse when they try to rope me into the conversation.
I am having that problem at lunch, I cannot really relate to anything that is said. I mean most of the time they are talking about normal people stuff like friends, significant others, partying. Things I have no real practical experience with. Sometimes I can just hunker down and eat my lunch while they converse, but every once in a while the conversation is thrown to me and I have nothing to say. So I lie or steal one of my brother's stories to make it seem like I am relatable. After all, that whole having to be escorted around thing really puts a damper on things for me. There is not much that I can do. Normally things are quiet, but I get it that people just seem to need to talk.
So yeah maybe, in some conceivable way, there is something wrong with my lifestyle, and despite its short length. My new life style is kind of having a negative effect on me. Not in just the usual ways, in a new way that makes me want to win the lottery so I can recluse forever. I forget how different working in an office can be. It is not like the annoying pool parties that my window happens to face. You know where I can just turn on a fan and turn up the volume on the TV and be done with that nonsense. No, it is something else, I have to actually deal with it and maybe, just maybe, avoiding or minimizing interactions with others is hurting me. However, I guess I cannot know until after my project manager yells at me for not being PC enough. Which is a very rare thing.. I mean I REALLY have to anger someone.
Oh well, at least I will be rid of this environment and I can return to my life of blankly blurting out my name when someone at the crossfit gym asks for it. Though it seems like that time is an eternity away... ugh... I need it to be now so I can focus on work.
