What just happened?

I care enough to want to understand different points of views of what I have just experienced. Thank you in advance.

Both in early 30’s.

I have limited dating exp., no kids, no ex wives.
She has kids, ex husband and more dating exp.

We used to hang out in high school (just me and her at times) but we never dated (7-10 years ago). Communication dissipated over time to nothing. We became friends on Facebook years ago but still did not communicate (as I don’t use it often). She sends me a Facebook message early last week just to say hello/what is up and with that I confirmed her cell number to start texting (away from Facebook). After doing that I realized I am more interested in her than what I thought and decided to just go at it and ask her out for that following weekend (words used: “how about I take you out to dinner and a movie?).

She agrees to my request but wanted to call me first which made me quite perplexed. She wanted to tell me upfront that she was living with an ex bf as of a few months ago (awkward for me to come over there) and that she was finally over crying about it, and her job situation. All of which I was alright with for now, tell her we would just meet up and have a good time and see what happens. Tried to make it no pressure for both of us but still wanted to indicate it was more of a date than a meet up of old friends as best I could without saying the word date.

More texting that week and she decides that we should do a brunch / afternoon festival type thing instead of dinner and a movie. I live a few hours away from her so her deciding what to do in that area seemed logical and I agreed. Now here is where it gets a bit more interesting if you are still reading this.

I show up to meet her at her best friends house whois male (away from the ex/awkwardness right?). I say my hellos to her and her male friend and 2 other male friends hanging out there, thinking we may head out by ourselves to brunch shortly. A twist arises when I find out that we all are going to brunch, her, 3 of her male friends and myself, it almost seemed predetermined and not spur of the moment. This then turn into an entire day of hanging out with her and her 3 male friends (with others showing up at times and leaving). Instead of bailing I decided that I had nothing else to do and I was quite interested in getting to know her more so I stuck with it the whole day to see what I would experience (about 10 hours). Had next to no time alone with her but when I did get some I asked personal questions as much as I could to learn more.

The day ended late with me being tired so I decided to drive home (not that there were any other choices apparent). She walks me to my car, we say nice things and hug. She asked that I text her when I get home safe and something about her calling me the next week. We were not 100% sober so some of that conversation is blurry to me. I got home safely, texted her as such and slept. Sent her another message the next morning saying that I had a good time/was nice seeing her again and apologized if I was quiet some due to the amount of new people I was absorbing. She replied with thanking me for coming and that she was nervous so she wanted her friends around. Also called me a gentlemen

That has been the end of our conversations as I am thinking I should give her space and let her reach out to me next.

That is the story. The unannounced quadruple date thing definitely was the oddest thing I have done ever, ever… Though it was quite the experience and I was able to learn some things about her that were not all bad, definitely some good signs within. It was hard for me to pick up on any signs from her intentions other than smiles and trying to include me in some conversation.

Any insight into what I experienced from people with more experience in this area of life than me would be appreciated. My guesstimation is that she is interested but apprehensive/nervous to get into anything serious due to her life circumstances. Or perhaps she was not interested and instead of saying no she threw a wild curve ball my way to see if I would bail at a moments notice.

What would you suggest one do next?

Personally, i would be skeptical, to say the least. I would wait for her to contact me again, unless the situation calls for action. I don't have alot of experience in this area but for as far as i know the quadruple date as you call it isn't unheard of. She might indeed be afraid to meet you, or she was lying. I don't believe she would use that as a test so deliberately though, but i might have too much faith in her.

What i was curious about though, did you make any friends during that brunch? 10 Hours is plenty of times to get to know the others as well.

Thank you for the opinion, it does help.

Rosebolt said:

What i was curious about though, did you make any friends during that brunch? 10 Hours is plenty of times to get to know the others as well.

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2 of the 3 males seemed alright, but there was that one I could see trouble in. Those factors alone may sway my own decision. Cannot say I plan to stay in contact with any of the males unless things progress with the female and thus her friends come with that.

I have to admit I've had second thoughts after saying yes to a date before, cold feet, better offer, my anxieties...who knows, but it happens. When I started dating about 2.5 years ago, I met a lot of men via an internet dating site. On two occasions I was up front and said I changed my mind, thanks, but I wasn't interested in dating and wanted to be truthful so that there would be no games. I really believe that honesty is the best policy...but both times I was responded to with anger and insults, so what I decided was the next time I wanted to cancel, to text the guy and say I got sick and let things kind of fizzle out to avoid being insulted - that's my own experience, but that's what shaped my decision to lie in order not to go on the date. I would never go through with the date if I really didn't want to, it's easy to bail now that texting exists.

Asking you to go on a "group" date sounds to me like she was just all nerves, like she was trying to "feel" you out to see if she thought there was potential. Maybe her last experience left her very distrustful; I think your guesstimation is right. At this point, the ball is in her court though, she should contact you next because you don't want to do all the work and chase anyone.

I would feel very suspicious about a person who pulls surprises like that. I sure wouldn't stick it out for ten hours. That's an **** awful long time to hang out with people you don't know lol. Unless you happened to really liked being with those dudes.

Pike Creek said:

At this point, the ball is in her court though, she should contact you next because you don't want to do all the work and chase anyone.

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This. I would just sit this one out. No text, calls, smoke signals.. Move on.

It really sounds like from the way you describe her, that this person is a flake or has a 'complicated life'. Personally I don't have patience for baggage like that. Although it's something you can't initially avoid the older you get, I feel you're still entitled to a straight simple approach to courtship. No head games.

That said, if she does want to hang out again. Put her on a string, instead of the other way around. She brought other dudes to fifth wheel along like that, get your own 'trapline' of dames yourself.

The way I see it, this was her way of telling you that you are not a potential romantic partner. Nothing in your story makes me feel that her intentions are anything but platonic.

All I can say is good luck. Hope she leaves you somewhat in tact when she's done.

As someone who has been on many dates and dealt with NUMEROUS rejections, tactful and otherwise, my guess is that if this woman wants to see you again she will contact you. If she were keen on a dating relationship, she would probably already have let you know by now.

Definitely odd, I will give you that. I'm in agreement with waiting for her to make the next move. With you being put in such an awkward position like that it may well have been her background and her wanting a support system around her to make her more at ease.

Thank you all for the replies.

To serve as a follow up. I held off contacting her all last week but caved after dinner with some friends who urged me to text her over the weekend. She was immediate to reply but did not carry on any sort of conversation or anything since then. I do not know if the issue is baggage, nervousness, or just not being interested (or all three) nor will I subject myself to anymore torture. I made my intentions clear as can be without being lude.

Going to turn down a different road and see what the scenery provides.