stork_error
Well-known member
- Joined
- Aug 31, 2014
- Messages
- 350
- Reaction score
- 1
I cant bring myself to go out and get contracts because of the most ridiculous reason.
I believe that Im so bitter that if i make efforts and try to get one… and if its given to somebody else who i know totally sucks, then it will increase my anger and i will be more upset than i am now
And i will then know that the only reason that they got it is because they are better at being full of honeysuckle and manipulating and coning people… which will then fuel my beliefs that job skill means nothing and that political skill is everything.
And i dont like this, i really really dont like this. I'ts a reality that kills me and i dont want to face it
So instead I sit on the computer all day, posting on this website, going into debt instead of getting a life.
Im just too angry to be let down, and if it happens, i cant guarantee i wont loose it on somebody.
So instead, i do nothing because that way i still have hope. I have hope because i can still believe that im not getting clients because im simply not trying. But.. if I try, and loose to some incompetent goofus, then i will be soooooooooo angry.
And even when i try to do something, like search out potential clients, and organize flyers and marketing stuff to send, I become soo overwhelmed when i see who actually has some of the clients, that i have an anxiety attack because these basterds have them and i don't… and they really truly suck and i don't… but
They are great cons, great bullies and great ********.And they were great at making themselves the winner by devious ways
The anxiety whenever I try to get it together just paralyses me. How on earth can I get it together when i cant even think of this reality without going blank. The anger makes me so angry I seriously cannot think. I can sit at the computer staring at the same flyer for hours on end and accomplish nothing, sending it to nowhere.
Its like I have job ptsd… I simply cant function when I think about it, I just cant, but somehow I have to, or I will loose everything.
Sometimes I feel like giving up and just getting a job at Walmart.
So, What should i do? Get a job at Walmart? Or should I pay somebody to do my contract searching and sending for me so that "what I don't know cant hurt me", or should I just give up and die? I really don't have money to pay somebody, it will just put me in more debt. Maybe if i get drunk I could do it? But it probably wouldn't be very good.
Sigh, I'm going down.
I believe that Im so bitter that if i make efforts and try to get one… and if its given to somebody else who i know totally sucks, then it will increase my anger and i will be more upset than i am now
And i will then know that the only reason that they got it is because they are better at being full of honeysuckle and manipulating and coning people… which will then fuel my beliefs that job skill means nothing and that political skill is everything.
And i dont like this, i really really dont like this. I'ts a reality that kills me and i dont want to face it
So instead I sit on the computer all day, posting on this website, going into debt instead of getting a life.
Im just too angry to be let down, and if it happens, i cant guarantee i wont loose it on somebody.
So instead, i do nothing because that way i still have hope. I have hope because i can still believe that im not getting clients because im simply not trying. But.. if I try, and loose to some incompetent goofus, then i will be soooooooooo angry.
And even when i try to do something, like search out potential clients, and organize flyers and marketing stuff to send, I become soo overwhelmed when i see who actually has some of the clients, that i have an anxiety attack because these basterds have them and i don't… and they really truly suck and i don't… but
They are great cons, great bullies and great ********.And they were great at making themselves the winner by devious ways
The anxiety whenever I try to get it together just paralyses me. How on earth can I get it together when i cant even think of this reality without going blank. The anger makes me so angry I seriously cannot think. I can sit at the computer staring at the same flyer for hours on end and accomplish nothing, sending it to nowhere.
Its like I have job ptsd… I simply cant function when I think about it, I just cant, but somehow I have to, or I will loose everything.
Sometimes I feel like giving up and just getting a job at Walmart.
So, What should i do? Get a job at Walmart? Or should I pay somebody to do my contract searching and sending for me so that "what I don't know cant hurt me", or should I just give up and die? I really don't have money to pay somebody, it will just put me in more debt. Maybe if i get drunk I could do it? But it probably wouldn't be very good.
Sigh, I'm going down.