Should I say something or not?

Alonewith2cats · Sep 10, 2014

I have a friend, very nice guy, I've been enjoying his company. He sometimes uses the wrong English grammar. He says "we was" instead of "we were" or "you was" instead of "you were." English is not his second language. It's just how he talks. Should I bring it to his attention or just not say anything?

We're just really good friends. I can totally tolerate this in a friendship and accept him just as he is. It would bug me if I was in a relationship with a guy who talked like this, no matter how sweet he is, and he is really nice to me by the way, and I know I would probably be trying to change this about him. I like a guy who sounds educated. It may seem like a small thing but I wonder if it's little things like this that are the reason why some people are only meant to be friends.

What is your opinion?

kamya · Sep 10, 2014

Don't say anything.

It's 100% your issue. Not his.

Limlim · Sep 11, 2014

Or be like me. I lose my honeysuckle when someone says NIC card.

Rosebolt · Sep 11, 2014

I agree with kamya. Having said that, even though i know i shouldn't i often try to make a joke about it and try to sublty tell them that way. They almost never take offense.

Case · Sep 11, 2014

Recovering grammar-Nazi here. My current policy is to keep quiet. I would only say something if someone asked me to help.

WildernessWildChild · Sep 11, 2014

Tiina63 · Sep 11, 2014

I wouldn't say anything either. It might really hurt him and ruin a good friendship.

ladyforsaken · Sep 11, 2014

Rosebolt said:
Having said that, even though i know i shouldn't i often try to make a joke about it and try to sublty tell them that way. They almost never take offense.

Usually for me, I'd not say anything. Unless, it is with a friend of mine I am really comfortable with, and we're close enough for me to know that I won't offend if I said something like this, or that it won't ruin the friendship, then yes I'd mention it, probably like how Rosebolt said, in a more lighthearted way.

Um, Rosebolt knows how crazy I can get with my OCD cos I'd just say or ask whatever when something about his place bothered my OCDness - and he's totally fine with it (or so I thought lol) and even entertained me with it. So maybe depends what your friend is like or how he'd take such comments or corrections about the way he spoke?

Usually I can be quiet about it and just keep the comments to myself if it's someone not close to me, but again, depending on how well and close you are to the friend or how the friend would take something like this.

(I feel like I am repeating myself so much here... sorry. :s)

Disaffected · Sep 11, 2014

Alonewith2cats said:
I have a friend, very nice guy, I've been enjoying his company. He sometimes uses the wrong English grammar. He says "we was" instead of "we were" or "you was" instead of "you were." English is not his second language. It's just how he talks. Should I bring it to his attention or just not say anything?

We're just really good friends. I can totally tolerate this in a friendship and accept him just as he is. It would bug me if I was in a relationship with a guy who talked like this, no matter how sweet he is, and he is really nice to me by the way, and I know I would probably be trying to change this about him. I like a guy who sounds educated. It may seem like a small thing but I wonder if it's little things like this that are the reason why some people are only meant to be friends.

What is your opinion?

Gross, hes a chav innit blud.

I cant talk to people like that, but that's just me. Don't think its the kinda thing you have to ask a forum about, I mean if you already feel this strongly about it you already have your answer.

You sure hes not 12?

Pike Creek · Sep 11, 2014

Personally I wouldn't hang around with anyone who couldn't speak their own language properly. Writing is one thing, but speaking...My bf and I correct each other all the time and we don't feel offended. We were raised speaking different languages, and when one or the other speaks their language, there are bound to be mistakes. Mind you, we want to sound proper when we speak. We're slightly snobby though, I fully admit that, we both used to live in areas where people talked horribly trashy and it really affected us. Everyone is saying not to say anything to your friend...I guess I would disagree because I'm the type who might feel embarrassed in public if a friend spoke like that.

SophiaGrace · Sep 11, 2014

It may not be your issue but it will certainly affect how others view his intelligence level and it may affect his quality of life negatively because of that.

He may not get as many opportunities (dating, friendship, work) as he would otherwise because of his lack of cognizance with basic grammar.

Case · Sep 11, 2014

Pike Creek said:
I guess I would disagree because I'm the type who might feel embarrassed in public if a friend spoke like that.

Why embarrassed?

Solivagant · Sep 11, 2014

Case said:
Recovering grammar-Nazi here. My current policy is to keep quiet. I would only say something if someone asked me to help.

^ Ditto to this. Personally I prefer to be corrected if I'm consistently saying or spelling something wrong, even if it is a little embarrassing. But most people are very sensitive and take offence, so I say nothing unless I know they're comfortable with it.

Eventually you should get to a stage where you're comfortable enough with him to point out something like this without worrying too much how he will react. If you're not there yet, I'd probably wait.

Pike Creek · Sep 11, 2014

Case said:
Pike Creek said:

I guess I would disagree because I'm the type who might feel embarrassed in public if a friend spoke like that.

Click to expand...

Why embarrassed?

Well, I was brought up in a white trash type of situation. I worked very hard to get out of it and re-educate myself to be a polite, decent and proper person, one of those things was not to talk improperly. Those people embarrassed me so that's probably lingering with me when I hear others who speak English just butcher it...or French or whatever language. Personal issues lingering I suppose.

Alonewith2cats · Sep 11, 2014

Thanks for your replies. Some people on here have said they wouldn't even talk to someone who talks like this. Well, I wouldn't go that far. A little harsh in this case. I've known him for years. He is the switchboard operator at my job and he is very well liked for his funny personality. And he has been a very good friend to me. I asked a mutual friend of his in private what she thinks about his bad grammar. She told me it's an urban slang. I'm just not used to it. My real question on here is was whether or not I should bring it to his attention but I have to agree the answer is no. Sometimes you just have to accept people the way they are, especially if they add friendship value to your life.

Ok, so life is a learning experience and sometimes people ask questions to learn things or figure something out. I just learned a new word I didn't know before from surfing the internet, ebonics. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ebonics_(word). It's a cultural thing and apparently I don't know enough about it. No, I won't say anything or try to correct his grammar.

Alonewith2cats · Sep 12, 2014

Disaffected said:
Alonewith2cats said:

I have a friend, very nice guy, I've been enjoying his company. He sometimes uses the wrong English grammar. He says "we was" instead of "we were" or "you was" instead of "you were." English is not his second language. It's just how he talks. Should I bring it to his attention or just not say anything?

We're just really good friends. I can totally tolerate this in a friendship and accept him just as he is. It would bug me if I was in a relationship with a guy who talked like this, no matter how sweet he is, and he is really nice to me by the way, and I know I would probably be trying to change this about him. I like a guy who sounds educated. It may seem like a small thing but I wonder if it's little things like this that are the reason why some people are only meant to be friends.

What is your opinion?

Click to expand...

Gross, hes a chav innit blud.

I cant talk to people like that, but that's just me. Don't think its the kinda thing you have to ask a forum about, I mean if you already feel this strongly about it you already have your answer.

You sure hes not 12?

I just want to say that I think it's rude to make someone feel stupid for wrong for posting a question on a forum? People post in forums to get insight or opinions about subjects while maintaining the ability to be anonymous.

Pike Creek · Sep 12, 2014

Alonewith2cats said:
Thanks for your replies. Some people on here have said they wouldn't even talk to someone who talks like this. Well, I wouldn't go that far. A little harsh in this case. I've known him for years. He is the switchboard operator at my job and he is very well liked for his funny personality. And he has been a very good friend to me. I asked a mutual friend of his in private what she thinks about his bad grammar. She told me it's an urban slang. I'm just not used to it. My real question on here is was whether or not I should bring it to his attention but I have to agree the answer is no. Sometimes you just have to accept people the way they are, especially if they add friendship value to your life.

I guess I'm "some people" :rolleyes2:...it's just based on my personal experience, so it's not harsh because it wasn't personally directed at your friend right? Just opinions. So you've made your decision and that's fine. If it bothers you, but the friendship exceeds the bother, no reason to mention it.

SophiaGrace · Sep 12, 2014

Alonewith2cats said:
Thanks for your replies. Some people on here have said they wouldn't even talk to someone who talks like this. Well, I wouldn't go that far. A little harsh in this case. I've known him for years. He is the switchboard operator at my job and he is very well liked for his funny personality. And he has been a very good friend to me. I asked a mutual friend of his in private what she thinks about his bad grammar. She told me it's an urban slang. I'm just not used to it. My real question on here is was whether or not I should bring it to his attention but I have to agree the answer is no. Sometimes you just have to accept people the way they are, especially if they add friendship value to your life.

Ok, so life is a learning experience and sometimes people ask questions to learn things or figure something out. I just learned a new word I didn't know before from surfing the internet, ebonics. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ebonics_(word). It's a cultural thing and apparently I don't know enough about it. No, I won't say anything or try to correct his grammar.

I wonder what the difference is between african american vernacular english and ebonics.

Alonewith2cats · Sep 12, 2014

SophiaGrace said:
Alonewith2cats said:

Thanks for your replies. Some people on here have said they wouldn't even talk to someone who talks like this. Well, I wouldn't go that far. A little harsh in this case. I've known him for years. He is the switchboard operator at my job and he is very well liked for his funny personality. And he has been a very good friend to me. I asked a mutual friend of his in private what she thinks about his bad grammar. She told me it's an urban slang. I'm just not used to it. My real question on here is was whether or not I should bring it to his attention but I have to agree the answer is no. Sometimes you just have to accept people the way they are, especially if they add friendship value to your life.

Ok, so life is a learning experience and sometimes people ask questions to learn things or figure something out. I just learned a new word I didn't know before from surfing the internet, ebonics. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ebonics_(word). It's a cultural thing and apparently I don't know enough about it. No, I won't say anything or try to correct his grammar.

Click to expand...

I wonder what the difference is between african american vernacular english and ebonics.

I'm thinking they're probably the same thing but I'm the wrong person to ask. I may just google the subject some more just out of curiosity. It's interesting.

Sci-Fi · Sep 12, 2014

ladyforsaken said:
Rosebolt said:

Having said that, even though i know i shouldn't i often try to make a joke about it and try to sublty tell them that way. They almost never take offense.

Click to expand...

Usually for me, I'd not say anything. Unless, it is with a friend of mine I am really comfortable with, and we're close enough for me to know that I won't offend if I said something like this, or that it won't ruin the friendship, then yes I'd mention it, probably like how Rosebolt said, in a more lighthearted way.

Um, Rosebolt knows how crazy I can get with my OCD cos I'd just say or ask whatever when something about his place bothered my OCDness - and he's totally fine with it (or so I thought lol) and even entertained me with it. So maybe depends what your friend is like or how he'd take such comments or corrections about the way he spoke?

Usually I can be quiet about it and just keep the comments to myself if it's someone not close to me, but again, depending on how well and close you are to the friend or how the friend would take something like this.

(I feel like I am repeating myself so much here... sorry. :s)

^This. My grammar isn't the best so when I notice someone use bad grammar and get the chance to correct them, especially those who do it to me, I usually get the response; "Oh you should talk." To which I usually reply; "Exactly."

Some people don't like it when you correct them though, you know this person better than we do, if you think he can take it then say something, if not then don't and let it slide. Like you said you can totally tolerate it in a friendship and accept it so why say anything if you can accept him for his bad grammar.

Should I say something or not?

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