I literally have no clue how to meet a woman.

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SarcasticJuan

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Glasgow, Scotland.
Ok so this is my first proper relationship/life related post. I will try to tell my story the best I can without boring you all.

The way I see it, normal peope meet their first proper relationship around 15-16, well I left school at 16 and just stuck with my clique of friends before then, so I didn't have much action with the ladies back then, after this I tried a college course, it wasn't for me, I just didn't click with anyone, male or female, and most of the class ended up quitting too and I eventually did too. In 2008 my family who I live with moved about 4 hours away so goodbye friends and all social things that involved them, it was just before moving that I was starting to go to parties and chat with new people, and generally come out of my shell more, but yeah, we ended up moving and I tried this new college, needless to say I didn't have much luck making friends here either, as it seemed everyone was already in their little groups, there was one girl I was talking to who I was trying to get to know more but she ended up in another group so we drifted apart, I ended up quitting that course too. Basically I missed the class about meeting girls. :rolleyes:

Over the years I tried more college courses, still not having any social luck and losing interest in the courses.

So here I am, I have a job right now, not a great one or even a regular 9 to 5 one but it's something that gives me a bit of money, I'm not complaining really, but the problem is I'd like to just meet a woman, I did have a relationship with a girl from America, we met online and eventually met here in Scotland for a couple of weeks, although distance only lasts so long when you're two broke kids.

I've tried dating sites, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, I've had a few dates (and about 3000 ignores) but they tend to lose interest, stop replying, or seem very interested and then act like you're nobody the next day. I don't get these sites at all. I don't think I'm socially awkward with women, perhaps unsure of flirting and whether or not to try and sleep with them, and how to ask or suggest, that's my only real problem with talking to women, besides I'm more interested in finding out about them as a person than sleeping with them.

So other than dating sites I have no idea how to meet women, I don't like clubbing and wouldn't know how to meet someone that way, there's nobody at work I can even tolerate let alone ask out, I will occasionally see a girl I like in public but it feels weird to talk to a complete stranger unless we are put into a situation where we have to talk.

I don't know what to ask here, maybe someone can analyse the situation. :shy:
 
I have the same problem. My friends don't know anyone I'd like, and their girlfriends or sisters don't know anyone I'd want either. I've looked on dating websites, but haven't found anyone on those sites who really has what I want. The closest I've found there were a couple of girls that I found to be slightly above average but not out of this world. I wouldn't be thrilled to date them, just disappointed that I couldn't go out with the ones I wanted instead and I wouldn't really be thrilled about it.

The only place I've ever met any girls I'd want to date was this other website I used to go to a lot, it wasn't a dating website but had a lot of interesting people on it, and some of the interesting ones there happened to be extremely beautiful girls who reached out to me. But I dropped the ball or moved too slow with all of them, and now that I know what kind of girls I could have been with if I played my cards right, it's hard to go back to someone I feel isn't as attractive as they were. So that leaves me still wanting a relationship, but with nowhere to turn to find someone.
 
in my life, I have been married longer than I have been single. (yes, to the same woman)
but I have female friends and no trouble getting them.
I think a common problem a lot of guys have is.. they look at girls as a different species.
if you communicate with them as equal human beings and have an attitude of intelligent respect, you shouldn't have many problems.
you don't need to search the corners of the internet for some secret hang outs... there are females right here on this forum. you don't need dating sites..
if you want someone closer to home, then the only way is to put yourself out there any place where people gather.
i'm reminded of my son when he was little and we moved to a new area, he rode his bike up and down the sidewalk when he saw other kids outside just to get attention and eventually he made a friend.
don't be afraid to strike up a convo if an opportunity comes no matter where you are.
could be standing in a line up somewhere wait to pay for gas. just be your self (be witty and pleasant)
it's happened to me where I make a joke to a stranger and turn an awkward silence into a convo.

but above all, try to not "try"
back in my single days, luck in love ALWAYS came to be when I wasn't looking.
if I went to a party with friends and meeting someone was the last thing on my mind, those were the times that I got lucky.
girls smell desperation. and they don't like that smell.
trying putting on an odor of confidence and wit, no matter where you go!
but it has to be genuine.. you have to be that person.. not pretending.
it's not in the place that you are at, it's how you act on everyday opportunities that present themselves. just look for them.
but don't act like you are looking for them lol. just be cool yet mindful.
 
Hello Walley,

You make some interesting points, but stress some things that are a bit contradictory (for me at least): the point about being yourself and being witty. Which makes sense, seeing as a lot of the more socially active folks, etc, seem to be pretty sharp and always on the money with conversation, etc. But I am not a witty person.. lots of things can go right past my head, and I often find myself tongue-tied (this goes for conversation with regular folks I know, not just women, or strangers).

That means for me... if wit MUST be part of the game.. it has to be a learned skill or an artificial construct.. which therefore goes somewhat against "being myself."

Then again, I'm not sure what exactly you mean by "wit", if you mean having a sharp sense of humor, or just being aware of what's going on around you.. perhaps you might clarify better, if I have you wrong.
 
Thanks all for taking the time to read and put it all together.

I've been off online dating for a while actually and about a year before I quit it was really on and off, it was only a couple of years ago that I was really active with it, the past year I have sort of just been numb to the loneliness, I have basically gave up, which is probably not what I should do because nobody is going to drop out of the sky if I'm not really doing anything, the problem has something to do with not having an exciting lifestyle, even at work I don't get to socialize or get to know people because of the environment, I really wish I had more hobbies and there was more to do in my area, I can't think of anything for a single guy on his own to do, I don't even have friends in this area that can introduce me to people.
 
I am not sure, but I think already posted, read http://catch-women.com, and http://onenightstand1.com/ and http://women-looking-for-men.org and similar source for beginning to get idea (clue) where you can meet girls and women. Point is that maybe it look to you "so impossible" that many of females are in similar situation. Some of them can be meet in real life, some don't have some social life so most of time are in house/job. So, for beginning it is important to release that sooooo many women are out there in less-more similar situation like you, and then you will find out where and how to meet them... Just my 2 cents.
 
I hear you. I'm basically in the same situation. I've always wanted a relationship, although I was a late bloomer. I'm not good looking so I wasn't very popular in school. When I went to university I didn't try to force it, just meet new people, socialise etc. Slowly I came out of my shell more and found friends, male and female alike, but nothing happened on the dating front, ever.
Since not looking for a relationship never worked for getting a relationship I've actually been actively seeking one, for the last couple of years. But I'm having similar problems as you are. I have no idea how to meet women. On some occasions I do meet them but nothing ever comes from that. I dunno, the problem is... sometimes you only see each other a few times and if you don't make a move you're done for. When you can see each other regularly it is a bit easier, since you don't have to force it, you can just get to know the other person... but in my experience that doesn't work either.
Online dating didn't work for me because I never received replies.

So this has been quite a downer post so far but here are a few things that you can do where you can meet single women with a high probability:
- Speed dating. Seriously, just try it. I've been considering it for some time now but couldn't make myself do it. It may cost money but before you give up you should at least go through all the options
- Take a language course. I think from a statistical point of view language courses have a higher amount of women than men, so you could meet women there. Problem is you'd have to be interested in learning a new language
- Go to a dancing class. There will probably be many women there, maybe even some who are single. Who knows. Problem again is that you should like dancing. I like dancing but even I cannot get myself to take such a course (for some reason... depression, I dunno...) so if you don't like dancing, don't do it. It's generally a good idea to never do something to just pick up women.
- Volunteer. Okay, the probability of meeting women isn't actually that high because it also depends on what you do - since you may volunteer for something where you don't meet people in your age at all
- Online dating. You said you tried it... well, I don't know how picky you are but personally I've seen a few women I would've liked to date. It's just they chose to ignore me completely. Maybe you should just let it run in the background and message someone from time to time. Who knows, maybe you'll find someone nice, even if at first glance you don't think that person is suitable. Although I guess you had more experience with that than I did.

If I can think of other ways I'll let you know.

As for how to REALLY talk or flirt with women... well, hopefully someone else can say a bit about that.


Walley said:
in my life, I have been married longer than I have been single. (yes, to the same woman)
but I have female friends and no trouble getting them.
I think a common problem a lot of guys have is.. they look at girls as a different species.
if you communicate with them as equal human beings and have an attitude of intelligent respect, you shouldn't have many problems.
you don't need to search the corners of the internet for some secret hang outs... there are females right here on this forum. you don't need dating sites..
if you want someone closer to home, then the only way is to put yourself out there any place where people gather.
i'm reminded of my son when he was little and we moved to a new area, he rode his bike up and down the sidewalk when he saw other kids outside just to get attention and eventually he made a friend.
don't be afraid to strike up a convo if an opportunity comes no matter where you are.
could be standing in a line up somewhere wait to pay for gas. just be your self (be witty and pleasant)
it's happened to me where I make a joke to a stranger and turn an awkward silence into a convo.

but above all, try to not "try"
back in my single days, luck in love ALWAYS came to be when I wasn't looking.
if I went to a party with friends and meeting someone was the last thing on my mind, those were the times that I got lucky.
girls smell desperation. and they don't like that smell.
trying putting on an odor of confidence and wit, no matter where you go!
but it has to be genuine.. you have to be that person.. not pretending.
it's not in the place that you are at, it's how you act on everyday opportunities that present themselves. just look for them.
but don't act like you are looking for them lol. just be cool yet mindful.

You know, I've read that quite often but in my experience this is not the case. I have female friends, I even have a grand time when we go out etc., I really don't have a problem with talking to girls. But that doesn't actually mean girls will show an interest in you relationship-wise.
And the thing about not trying. I haven't been trying to meet someone for 25 years and it ended with me being 25 without even a single date on my belt.
 

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