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Any hope to find my "type" is practically nonexistent...
#81
(09-19-2014, 03:32 PM)ardour Wrote: It wasn't only about depending on someone; you said you were just as *happy* without him. That doesn't make sense - why not stay single - along with being quite insulting towards him. I wouldn't want someone that indifferent.

I would be happy without him. Because someone doesn't "make" me happy (as Alma mentioned before, and I agree). I'm perfectly fine with myself. My happiness comes from within. He makes things better, sure. It's nice to be able to talk to someone and share meals with someone, watch stuff together. We have a lot in common. But he doesn't "make" me happy. If I were miserable, I'd be miserable with or without him. I'm happy with or without him. That's not to say that I wouldn't be sad if we weren't together. Because I would be. I'd be very sad.

And he's not insulted. As I said, he knows exactly how I feel about him. If someone's said those things to you before and you were insulted, that's your own street to salt. I assure you that you don't need to feel insulted for him. He's not all that easy to offend.
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#82
^^^Exactly.

The way I see it, a healthy relationship is more along the lines of "happiness +"

rather than

"+ happiness"

...if that makes any sense to anyone other than myself.
"Before you judge someone, try walking in their shoes for a mile. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."

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#83
You can't be sad and "just as happy" without him; either he adds an additional level of happiness to your life or he doesn't. Either you love him or you don't. Curious how you're so reluctant to admit any emotional ties, but then you're right about it being none of my business.
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#84
(09-19-2014, 04:43 PM)Badjedidude Wrote: ^^^Exactly.

The way I see it, a healthy relationship is more along the lines of "happiness +"

rather than

"+ happiness"

...if that makes any sense to anyone other than myself.

Which is totally like new game+
“It's now very common to hear people say, 'I'm rather offended by that.' As if that gives them certain rights. It's actually nothing more... than a whine. 'I find that offensive.' It has no meaning; it has no purpose; it has no reason to be respected as a phrase. 'I am offended by that.' Well, so fucking what?"
-Stephen Fry
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#85
This guy at work told me about someone he dated over the summer and that it was good to not have a girlfriend anymore. So my first thought was.... then why did you have one in the first place? Then I realized that I don't even see it as wanting a "girlfriend" or someone who will become a "spouse." I don't care about any of those superficial titles. I want a companion, a partner. Someone who will also be my best friend. I feel like that type of connection is also very rare. And sometimes I feel like I'm one of the very few guys that actually wants that type of thing.
"Once you assume a creator and a plan, it makes us objects in an experiment." - Christopher Hitchens
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#86
(09-19-2014, 11:50 PM)edgecrusher Wrote: This guy at work told me about someone he dated over the summer and that it was good to not have a girlfriend anymore. So my first thought was.... then why did you have one in the first place? Then I realized that I don't even see it as wanting a "girlfriend" or someone who will become a "spouse." I don't care about any of those superficial titles. I want a companion, a partner. Someone who will also be my best friend. I feel like that type of connection is also very rare. And sometimes I feel like I'm one of the very few guys that actually wants that type of thing.

That's also how I see it. I don't care for certain terms - "dating" "boyfriend" "husband" - because they're just senseless titles to me. That type of connection that goes beyond titles... It's not as rare as you think. It's just not prevalent in every person you meet - if that makes any sense.
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#87
(09-20-2014, 04:37 AM)VanillaCreme Wrote: That's also how I see it. I don't care for certain terms - "dating" "boyfriend" "husband" - because they're just senseless titles to me. That type of connection that goes beyond titles... It's not as rare as you think. It's just not prevalent in every person you meet - if that makes any sense.

It's like most people are pretty shallow. And I hate saying things like that because then I feel like it looks like I am being pretentious and saying that I am better than everyone or something. All I know is that I know how it looks to me and I know what I want. Then I see things on dating profiles where one of the main "qualities" they are looking for is something like financial stability. Again, this is shallow to me. I don't care about anything like that. I just want that legitimate connection where imposed societal things like that don't matter.

And that's the other thing I hate.... "dating." If you like someone, you like someone. Eff all that "dating game" BS. It's so stupid. The type of thing I want will almost certainly happen much more naturally than that and is the type of thing where we are just always together because we want to be.

If this girl at work was single I likely would have more or less told her already in my shy and introverted way. It's still sort of easier for me to talk to her over the mic than it is in person. I probably shouldn't still talk about her considering the circumstances and try to let it go, but I can't help but find myself thinking about her often.
"Once you assume a creator and a plan, it makes us objects in an experiment." - Christopher Hitchens
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#88
(09-20-2014, 06:49 AM)edgecrusher Wrote: It's like most people are pretty shallow. And I hate saying things like that because then I feel like it looks like I am being pretentious and saying that I am better than everyone or something. All I know is that I know how it looks to me and I know what I want. Then I see things on dating profiles where one of the main "qualities" they are looking for is something like financial stability. Again, this is shallow to me. I don't care about anything like that. I just want that legitimate connection where imposed societal things like that don't matter.

And that's the other thing I hate.... "dating." If you like someone, you like someone. Eff all that "dating game" BS. It's so stupid. The type of thing I want will almost certainly happen much more naturally than that and is the type of thing where we are just always together because we want to be.

If this girl at work was single I likely would have more or less told her already in my shy and introverted way. It's still sort of easier for me to talk to her over the mic than it is in person. I probably shouldn't still talk about her considering the circumstances and try to let it go, but I can't help but find myself thinking about her often.

"Dating" is simply a word to refer to people looking to either hook up or find a mate, I am not much for the word either. It's like the word "diet". Your diet is defined as the food and drink you consume. That word has become synonymous with women obsessed with their weight...another word that was butchered!

Just a note, I had great success with online dating. I found my soul mate. He is my best friend, lover and lifelong companion. I put a lot of qualities on my profile when I was looking because I didn't want to make the same mistakes as I had before since I wasn't just looking to have fun with someone, my goal was long-term, living together. I definitely put financially-stable, and that doesn't make me shallow because I worked very hard all my life and I refuse to support anyone, as I wouldn't want to be supported by a man either. I could if I had to, like if he got sick, I would be happy to pay all the bills for a while, but things need to be more or less equal with regards to expenses. He HAS to be able to pay the rent, and his bills, have a decent credit rating too since one of my goals is home ownership. Those things are very important in a mate as well. The notion of being best friends, and sharing your life and interests is just as important as the tangible qualities, at least for me.
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#89
(09-21-2014, 02:58 AM)Pike Creek Wrote: "Dating" is simply a word to refer to people looking to either hook up or find a mate, I am not much for the word either. It's like the word "diet". Your diet is defined as the food and drink you consume. That word has become synonymous with women obsessed with their weight...another word that was butchered!

Just a note, I had great success with online dating. I found my soul mate. He is my best friend, lover and lifelong companion. I put a lot of qualities on my profile when I was looking because I didn't want to make the same mistakes as I had before since I wasn't just looking to have fun with someone, my goal was long-term, living together. I definitely put financially-stable, and that doesn't make me shallow because I worked very hard all my life and I refuse to support anyone, as I wouldn't want to be supported by a man either. I could if I had to, like if he got sick, I would be happy to pay all the bills for a while, but things need to be more or less equal with regards to expenses. He HAS to be able to pay the rent, and his bills, have a decent credit rating too since one of my goals is home ownership. Those things are very important in a mate as well. The notion of being best friends, and sharing your life and interests is just as important as the tangible qualities, at least for me.

I have to agree with this. All of it. I'm in a situation now where I'm wishing my guy were more financially stable. It would just make things easier. I know how to survive on little to nothing - I've done it before. But I don't want to go through that struggle again. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. So, while I don't love him any less because he's not rolling in money, any little bit would help us.
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