Seriously 6 billion ppl on the planet this is not working out

Why can't I find my tribe...

I am a triple minority who grew up with a terrible chronic illness. I had really bad eczema and suddenly recovered in my late 20s.

I missed out on all the beautiful experiences of youth, I job hop and friend hop until they find a better option.

I guess my only talent is finding decent gfs(partners) who love me for who I am but I am sick of being the depressed partner who whinges.

I feel demoralised when my gf has her life long buddies and well, I got no one.

I don't resent her for it.

But I almost look longingly at the happiness that I don't have.

I don't naturallly have a mental health issue...but lately I am becoming suicidal from LONELINESS. That pisses me off because I have so much to give too.

Its stifling my motivation, stifling everything.

My last dash move now is to move to a different city with my partner.

But I also have a secret fear that she will work me out and leave me because I am too... I dunno.. depressing?

So go get some professional help, unless whinging makes you happy? If you're suicidal you should really speak to your Doctor. I don't believe anything that's said here is going to help you.

I can relate on the eczema part of your post. I've had people tell me that I'm just being a drama queen because it's "just some dry skin."

You can't be friends with your gf's friends? Do you not feel like you fit there or do you not want to "invade" her space?
I think finding friends can be hard, but are you maybe looking for excuses to not be friends with people because of a fear of being rejected or them running off when something/someone better comes?

Moving could be a good option for you, but just remember that you will be taking any issues with you when you go. I'm not saying that you're running away, but in a way, it kind of sounds like that.

Find something to do, a new hobby, anything that will keep you busy and take your mind off your fears. A new hobby will also enable you to meet new people, which could very likely turn into new friendships.

the_ice_man said:

So go get some professional help, unless whinging makes you happy? If you're suicidal you should really speak to your Doctor. I don't believe anything that's said here is going to help you.

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Sometimes, just knowing someone else is going through similar and can understand, is enough to help. Or even just to vent and know someone is listening is enough.

Hi Four, I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. I personally don't know what eczema is like but I can imagine how difficult it can be.

Callie gave some really good advice there ^ but I also wonder, do you think talking to a profesional might help if you are feeling suicidal? It might help, but I don't know how you feel about that.

*hugs* please hang in there.

the_ice_man said:

So go get some professional help, unless whinging makes you happy? If you're suicidal you should really speak to your Doctor. I don't believe anything that's said here is going to help you.

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Anything that is said on this forum be it as little as a few words can mean a lot to someone hurting or in pain. Showing acknowledgment, care and concern and even understanding through words can also do wonders.

ladyforsaken said:

Anything that is said on this forum be it as little as a few words can mean a lot to someone hurting or in pain. Showing acknowledgment, care and concern and even understanding through words can also do wonders.

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I was on a suicide hot line many years ago, and no amount of words really helped. They called a few times a week because they were very lonely, and some were mentally ill. They just wanted someone to TALK to, which of course is impossible on here (unless someone is willing to reach out and make themselves available ). I do understand though that a few kind words are better than nothing..

the_ice_man said:

So go get some professional help, unless whinging makes you happy? If you're suicidal you should really speak to your Doctor. I don't believe anything that's said here is going to help you.

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this is the place to have whinge about things, nothing wrong with it.

Thank you for the supportive advice, I am aware moving cities don't always help, but it can be an excuse to give it a new solid attempt to make new friends again. I have also never done it before so it will also be an interesting journey.

Ice_man, personally for me, I am only suicidal when no one answers the phone, no one is there for me. I have found lonely life skype groups, people online just the last couple of days, it takes the edge off simply just having company takes away that seering pain of loneliness and therefore takes away the suicidal feelings. Deep down I would rather like to survive.

TheRealCallie - yes my gf's friends already really like me, unfortunately they live in a different state, although they want us both to move to a new city with them. Unfortunately I have a bad habit of serial monogamy, pinning all my suppport networks thru my gfs, ex gfs, at the end of the day, when a break up happens I lose my sense of identity along with the relationship. This codependency is not too healthy.

One of my close friends, she's bipolar, she has a psychologist and psychiatrist but to be honest I don't think thats for me, my head is clear.

I think once again, triple minority, health situation... its just darned unlucky

I guess I just have to look harder for people who take me for me.

Four_in_the_morning said:

Ice_man, personally for me, I am only suicidal when no one answers the phone, no one is there for me. I have found lonely life skype groups, people online just the last couple of days, it takes the edge off simply just having company takes away that seering pain of loneliness and therefore takes away the suicidal feelings. Deep down I would rather like to survive.

One of my close friends, she's bipolar, she has a psychologist and psychiatrist but to be honest I don't think thats for me, my head is clear.

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Misery loves company, as the old saying goes.
I know it might be difficult but try and let go of any toxic relationships.
Sometimes that's hard to do because we are lonely so ANY company, even if they are miserable and negative, is better than nothing. The problem is they keep us miserable as well! That becomes the prerequisite for staying together, and any positive suggestions are frowned upon...

I know... its kind of a catch 22... its hard to be choosey when I am short of choice. Anyway, I am lucky I have experienced enough relationships now to recognise the toxic ones.

What really sucks about this whole situation is that I can't really earn my friends, I can't really earn their love by merit. Sigh.

Sometimes the biggest douchebags have the best mates. Maybe I have to wait till I am in the right time and the right place.

Also, I am not always miserable company. Maybe thats why I feel even more alone I have friends who can only handle the good side of me, the party friends that disappear during the week. I want some dvd buddies or someone to run around the world with me. That would be my dreams come true!