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Lots of Questions After Seeing Someone
Hey guys, I’m back with another question, and I’m hoping you guys can help me out once again! (You guys are great!)

I recently got back in touch with a friend of mine that I haven’t seen or heard from in a couple years. I always liked her, and had a feeling she liked me too… but nothing became of it. I never asked, or took it any further.

Fast forward to 2014, and after getting back in touch, we made plans to hang out. Originally, the plan was to hang out at on a certain date, but things had to be pushed back. This is when I’m told by her, that if I ever want to come over to her place later, that would be fine, and she’d really like that.

After seeing that I automatically hoped for the best, and was hoping that she had some interest in me. Reason being, usually most people don’t invite other people to their house, if they really don’t like them, or feel comfortable. Since we hadn’t talked or seen each other in so long, I was hoping this.

So, we finally set on a certain day, to have me meet up with her at her place. As I’m getting ready to go up to see her, she messages me.

Here’s what she said. (I want to try and keep her message as vague, and reword it as much as possible for her privacy.)

-She starts off by saying that she indeed does like me (sexual way)
-Then, right after that, she tells me that she’s been seeing someone for the past year, but that they’re not in a relationship, only because of the distance between them.

-She states that if it wasn’t for the distance issue, then they would be together.
-She then begins to tell me “I didn’t even want to think of this as a date until today. But I can’t really pretend I don’t sort of like you.” Because of this, she says this is causing her to have some anxiety. (Presumably she is uncertain of what to do or who to go with?)

-Goes on to tell me that she’s never cheated on anyone she’s been with (which I really commend a lot!)
- Then towards the end, this kind of caught my attention. She says that she would still like to hang out with me, and shortly thereafter she says, “who knows, maybe we’ll be really bored with each other. “

-She states that she doesn’t even know if I find her attractive.
-Finally, she says if I still want to hang out, then we can. But she was going to be late.

When I received that message, I was not expecting it. So I was trying to find the best way to reply to that. I was rushed since I was taking so long to respond. (About 5mins.)
I did not go into it as much as I wanted to. But I basically said that I liked her too.
I really wanted to say that I was so glad the feeling is mutual, but I was concerned, because she said she felt anxiety since she’s seeing someone else. I did not want to cause anything else.

We did end up hanging out that day. To be honest, I think that day went EXTREMELY well. I had a great time, and I could tell she did too! She seemed eager to hang out again, by letting me know we should do another thing soon in a couple of weeks. She even sent me a text the same night after I got home too. Big Grin

While we were hanging out that day, I wanted to bring up what was said in the text, but I never did. She however, did. Asking me “so you liked me since xTH grade?”. I replied yes, and that was pretty much it. I knew that was a perfect chance to go into it further, but she continued talking, and I didn’t want to dwell on it for too long, in fear that I might say something wrong, and upset her.

One thing to note is that, she did offer me to sleep over for the night, if I was too tired to drive back home. (It was about 45mins away from my place.) From my point of view, I don’t think this offer was made in a manner where it would have been obvious that she wanted to sleep with me. I honestly think she was just offering me to sleep there, since I was yawning quite a bit. But I don’t know, I cannot ever tell when a girl means what she says, even if it’s extremely blatant, unless they say exactly what they mean.

So I have a lot of questions to ask, and I’m hoping someone can help. I’ve been feeling quite upset, unsure or depressed, (I don’t even know…) after leaving her place, thinking about her a lot.

1. After reading my story, should I even try to get with her? Does it seem like she wants to try something with me, but is holding back due to the other person?

Honestly, I would say no to this question, because she states that if the distance between them was not an issue that they would be together. But the other things she mentioned in the text message afterword’s, make me unsure… :/

2. Should I even ask her more about the message she sent, and her situation? I feel there are too many questions that I’d like to be answered. So if I should ask her… when?
3. Do I let her know how glad I am that the feelings are mutual? I’m afraid I did not make this clear enough to her.
4. I really want to message her, but I’m not sure what exactly to say. So I wanted to run it by you guys first. Again, I’d like to ask her more about what’s going on.

I’m sorry for such a long post again, but I’m hoping someone can take the time to read, and understand my story, and help me with this problem!
I don't have to much experience and I think you'll probably want a woman's perspective but if I was you I would talk to her. She seems confused herself though so not sure you'll get a straight answer. I'm the same way with being completely baffled by woman's intentions. I was into this girl once and we hung out a lot. She ended up coming over out of the blue one night and slept over in my bed but I got shut down when I made a move. Haha. So. Good luck.
Support your local bookstore...If there are any left.

'I'm an artist please don't laugh at me'
I'm a bit of a cynic...if she's still in the long distance relationship, then her intent is to cheat with you right? If it weren't for the distance, she'd be with him, not you, that's what she said. If she's still in touch with the ldr guy, I would ask if she's actually still "seeing" him or not, because you don't want to be the back-burner guy who she falls back to when she's bored and lonely. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.
(09-26-2014, 12:03 PM)Pike Creek Wrote: I'm a bit of a cynic...if she's still in the long distance relationship, then her intent is to cheat with you right? If it weren't for the distance, she'd be with him, not you, that's what she said. If she's still in touch with the ldr guy, I would ask if she's actually still "seeing" him or not, because you don't want to be the back-burner guy who she falls back to when she's bored and lonely. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.

That's fine, I appreciate the response. I want to hear the truth, not what I want to hear.
She did say that they talk just about every night, and they see each other once every couple of weeks.
(09-26-2014, 11:36 AM)Jim103BMS Wrote: Hey guys, I’m back with another question, and I’m hoping you guys can help me out once again! (You guys are great!)

I've had a lot of girlfriends. Not bragging, just saying...
This sounds like that Crosby Stills & Nash song. "Love the one you're with" (If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with...)
She's being honest with you, mentioning the other guy, but you're not her first pick, so If you're ok with that then carry on. She might start to have strong feelings for you. I think that's what you're hoping for right? Relationships tend to be a bit of a game at the beginning. Doesn't hurt to play a little hard to get once in a while. Keeps them interested!
Of course I wasn't her first pic. We've haven't been in contact for a couple of years. She's been seeing the other guy for 1 year or so, and I just got back in contact with her recently.

I hope I can do what you said, and win her over. But I don't want her to feel upset in anyway.

Thank you for you input though, I really do appreciate it. I really like that phrase you quoted.
I'm really hoping for the best here.
I think you need to stay away. You are traveling down a slippery slope. Do not get in the middle of another relationship because it will only lead to someone being hurt. If you could honestly BOTH hang out as just friends and had no attraction to each other that would be fine but that's not the case here. She needs to make up her mind about the other guy without your interference Just let her know exactly that. Tell her you are not going to get in the middle of her other relationship. If she decides to leave him she can look you up but you don't want to be hurt or end up hurting someone else so it is better if you don't hang out right now. If you keep this up then someone will be hurt. Maybe you, maybe him, maybe all three of you. Don't be a part of that.
Even though I didn't want to hear that, I agree. And I somewhat told her that in my reply back to her.
Saying, I'd still like to hang out, but I don't want to cause any issues.

I feel if I had contacted her before this other guy, things would be different.
I'd still love to hear from anyone else that has an opinion on this.
Examining the details you have presented, the situation seems rather cut 'n' dried to me:
She obviously likes you and the other guy equally.
And she has made it clear that you are second on her list.

I wouldn't bother with her anymore unless you just wanted / could be completely OK with her friendship - and expect / want / desire nothing more. Female friendships are hard to come by. There is something special and worthwhile having a close female friend who can listen, offer advice if you seek it, or just be there for you. I know this from my own experience.
However, you have to be able to accept a non-physical/ romantic relationship with this girl. Then, her charms and words of affection would bring a welcoming smile, and nothing more.
You do not seem to be strong enough to change your thinking and feelings toward a friendship. Thus, the relationship is a disaster waiting to happen, and you will be the one to suffer from the emotional fallout.

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