Rejected at every turn (rant)

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LonelySutton

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I guess I have just lost my mojo. If I ever had it.

(1) Romantic relationships: even from an early age I *got* that I wasn't desirable. Oh sure some people wanted me... but I always seemed to be like, there, or Ms. "right now". People only pursued me if I was easy. (not slutty but like available) Mostly my entire life I never really thought I would get married or have any great love of my life. And for the most part, with one exception I haven't met anyone I really loved or felt strong about. But for sure, I can't say that ANYONE has ever felt strongly about me. So I guess even from a young age I just accepted that and never really tried too hard. Mostly because I figured I would be rejected at every turn.

(2) but... I could be "desired" at work and for a time there I was very. I ended up getting to the pinnacle of my career. I felt appreciated and then, suddenly, I felt less and less so. Not appreciated where I was working, I started apply for other jobs. And I was rejected, and rejected, and rejected again. In my own workplace I have been rejected for at least 15 jobs - mostly jobs that I am grossly overqualified for. And -- that I currently do. Someone I cover the job for won't hire me to *do* the job. Now, it could be because I already have a job and it is felt that they shouldn't move me laterally when I already have someone... but, that wasn't the rule in the past and isn't always the case. It is very demoralizing. How could I be the bell of the ball and now.. I am less than dirt. I keep saying to people I don't want to apply but they always convince me to saying you won't get the job if you don't apply but I can't take the rejection anymore and having to tell references I didn't get it.

(3) I joined my condo board as a way of feeling appreciated and valued. And at first they did. But no more. I have been on for 5 short months and I am getting patronized pretty well constantly. If I have an idea... they don't want to hear it. If I present information they don't read it and don't want to discuss it. It is amazing the way they treat me like a petulant 5 year old.

I am just sort of frustrated.
 

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