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writerchick

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Just curious about others' experiences here with online dating.

I started in 2009 to be serious about it but it hasn't been much of anything but pervs and weirdos. I've been on all of the main sites and a couple specialty ones (geek2geek, etc) with little success.

In 1 1/2 yrs on Match.com I had one guy contact me that I went on a couple of dates with. He wasn't my type and pushed hard to make it work when I was clearly not interested in him. None of the men I messaged on there wrote me back. At one point, I had a list but it got depressing looking at the no replies.

OKCupid hasn't been much better. I met two guys on there. One didn't work out because we were too incompatible. The other seemed like a my perfect guy. Only to learn he was living with a woman who paid his bills while he didn't have a job. And he said she wasn't his girlfriend. I didn't say it to him, but doesn't that make him a prostitute?

Plenty of Fish is a cesspool. Men only contact me on there for hook ups.

On all of them there are so many fake people, those Saudi oil men and Nigerian princes. Or I get a lot of men who are not too bright and after I message them a couple of things I like to do they don't understand me. :(

Couple months ago I hired a relationship coach who promised the profile she wrote about me would generate replies within an hour of being put online. Her profile got less responses than mine. Then she blamed me and said I was resetting my counter on Match. So was suppose to pick out a bunch of guys for me to contact, she only gave me one. Then when I asked for a refund she blamed my lack of personal responsibility for the whole thing. Never figured that one out.

So basically I feel cursed. :club:
 
Here's the thing about on line dating...

The pool is large.
The next "match" or Mr or Miss Perfect is just one little click away.
"This person is nice, but what if I can do "better?" (more attractive, wealthier, more common interests, etc)
In my opinion, it's a vicious and degrading cycle.

One of my personal favorites..."I won't settle!" lol, I would roll my eyes when I'd read that on a profile and keep right on moving.

And that's my opinion of my on line dating site experience. :D
 
It never worked for me no matter how many times I tried to rework my profile etc
 
LonesomeLoner said:
It never worked for me no matter how many times I tried to rework my profile etc
That's been my experience too. Rewrite. New photos. Nothing.
 
I had a number of first dates, a few second dates and I dated one guy for about three months.
You can't really count that as a "success" however. As I said in my previous reply...it's an ugly cycle of "can I do better?"
 
Hello writerchick, my experiences of online dating have not been any better than yours. Have been in touch with more than my fair share of weirdos and have sat through a lot of bad dates. I wish I knew the answer. When people say to me 'go out and meet people' I reply that I am doing so already, and am having no luck that way either when it comes to a relationship.
 
I have had pretty good success with it.
I met one person that I thought would be my lifetime partner. It didn't work out but I still think the relationship has been beneficial to my life.
I have been on plenty of dates using it and am currently kinda seeing someone from it.
 
writerchick said:
Couple months ago I hired a relationship coach who promised the profile she wrote about me would generate replies within an hour of being put online. Her profile got less responses than mine. Then she blamed me and said I was resetting my counter on Match. So was suppose to pick out a bunch of guys for me to contact, she only gave me one. Then when I asked for a refund she blamed my lack of personal responsibility for the whole thing. Never figured that one out.

So basically I feel cursed. :club:

All profiles generate replies within an hour. They're all sitting there waiting for fresh meat. And as you said, they're only looking for hookups.

I've had a few profiles on a couple of different sites. I hadn't had one anywhere in quite awhile and recently I was intensely bored so made a new profile to look around. I don't believe many people meet "the one" on those sites, and I feel I never will because it's such a high pressure environment with such a huge chance for rejection.

But....I actually met a guy who seemed really nice and normal. We met, it was relaxed and fun. Seemed to have the possibility of clicking. He asked if I wanted to get together again, we made plans for a day, what we were going to do, what time. Parted ways. Never heard from the guy.

No idea why on earth people act like that. Why would you make such specific plans if you have no intention of following through?

Anyway, even though he was a stranger it still hurts to be rejected like that. It's just not worth it to me.

I wish you luck.
 
If you are like most people, that is, either within the category of "average" or "below average", I'd say the indifference in which you'll be treated is not worth it. Not worth the pain. The system is rigged in a way that everyone believes they can get an "above average" person, just as easily as putting money into a vending machine and getting something back. Anything less than what you wanted is rejected. I don't know what has caused society to become like this, but it's pervasive, and sickening. (As a disclaimer: I don't mean the individuals in this thread are guilty of this, I'm speaking in general.)

On the other hand if you are thick-skinned, you might be able to endure months of getting no unsolicited responses and few replies, and hoping you can find something that will suit your purpose, whether it be short-term or longterm. I lack the iron constitution, so online-dating is not for me. It would have be to learned masochism, if I was going to persevere.
 
Batman55 said:
If you are like most people, that is, either within the category of "average" or "below average", I'd say the indifference in which you'll be treated is not worth it. Not worth the pain. The system is rigged in a way that everyone believes they can get an "above average" person, just as easily as putting money into a vending machine and getting something back. Anything less than what you wanted is rejected. I don't know what has caused society to become like this, but it's pervasive, and sickening. (As a disclaimer: I don't mean the individuals in this thread are guilty of this, I'm speaking in general.)

On the other hand if you are thick-skinned, you might be able to endure months of getting no unsolicited responses and few replies, and hoping you can find something that will suit your purpose, whether it be short-term or longterm. I lack the iron constitution, so online-dating is not for me. It would have be to learned masochism, if I was going to persevere.

I pretty much agree with this. Like Eve said, it's an endless cycle of "can I do better?".
 
I can only speak for what it's like as a woman looking for a man on a dating site, but I agree with the above. Many of the men in my age group seem to think they will find a hot, young, chick and that's their focus. Mostly there isn't much respect for women there. I don't really understand why they feel that way. They're older and not nearly so amazing or sexy as they seem to think.

I would just be happy with someone who is normal looking, normal acting, with a normal life. For me normal = a nice guy who isn't disrespectful of women, isn't only looking for sex (or to "get laided" as one guy so eloquently put it-hey at least he was honest), and won't kill me and toss my body in a ditch somewhere. Seriously, is that too much to ask?
 
Funny you should say that Purple Reign because yesterday I got hit up by a 51 yr old man who didn't have a photo on his profile. I asked him for one and what he wanted in a lady because his profile was vague at best. He says he's looking for a hot woman who isn't too bold. And his photo, well, let's just say when you look like a troll chances are slim for a hot chick. The only consolation was I must have qualified as a hot chick. lol
 
Purple Reign said:
I can only speak for what it's like as a woman looking for a man on a dating site, but I agree with the above. Many of the men in my age group seem to think they will find a hot, young, chick and that's their focus. Mostly there isn't much respect for women there. I don't really understand why they feel that way. They're older and not nearly so amazing or sexy as they seem to think.

I would just be happy with someone who is normal looking, normal acting, with a normal life. For me normal = a nice guy who isn't disrespectful of women, isn't only looking for sex (or to "get laided" as one guy so eloquently put it-hey at least he was honest), and won't kill me and toss my body in a ditch somewhere. Seriously, is that too much to ask?

Goodness. I found this so be 100% true, from my experience, about the majority of men my age that I interacted with on line. One guy I went out with...all he kept talking about was "hot Asian chicks in their 30's, with high incomes" on the site (he was 52). Needless to say, I didnt seek out his company again. I left our lunch date feeling fairly worthless that day, knowing full well that there was nothing wrong with ME, but there certainly was something wrong with HIS unrealistic expectations. I wondered why he even bothered asking me out. It goes back to what I've said in previous posts about on line dating - people have "burner dates." That's the term I came up with for it. Like one of those throw-away phones they call "burners." They're only going out with you until they find what they're REALLY looking for. Then they toss you out. I decided I wasn't going to by anyone's Burner Girl and called it quits.
Im sure there are people out there (both male and female) who don't treat others this way, but this was just my own personal experience with on line dating.
 
EveWasFramed said:
It goes back to what I've said in previous posts about on line dating - people have "burner dates." That's the term I came up with for it. Like one of those throw-away phones they call "burners." They're only going out with you until they find what they're REALLY looking for. Then they toss you out. I decided I wasn't going to by anyone's Burner Girl and called it quits.
Im sure there are people out there (both male and female) who don't treat others this way, but this was just my own personal experience with on line dating.

This is very interesting Eve, as I was told by that relationship consultant to do just this thing. She was going to pick several men for me to contact and go on dates with for the sole purpose of increasing my dating experience. Not that I liked them, found them attractive to me (and I have an atypical type), or they were compatible. No just dating them a couple of times to get dates. That's what I balked at and she blamed me for not taking "personal responsibility" in my dating life.

So only picked on man for me and it was because he worked in the medical profession. That was it, her sole reason for selecting him for me. Although my mom isn't the most supportive in the matter, she said well he could empty bedpans and technically work in the medical field. :D
 
writerchick said:
This is very interesting Eve, as I was told by that relationship consultant to do just this thing. She was going to pick several men for me to contact and go on dates with for the sole purpose of increasing my dating experience. Not that I liked them, found them attractive to me (and I have an atypical type), or they were compatible. No just dating them a couple of times to get dates. That's what I balked at and she blamed me for not taking "personal responsibility" in my dating life.

So only picked on man for me and it was because he worked in the medical profession. That was it, her sole reason for selecting him for me. Although my mom isn't the most supportive in the matter, she said well he could empty bedpans and technically work in the medical field. :D

Well...while it might serve a purpose (according to your consultant) I can't personally justify doing it. Sounds like you couldn't either. If I was absolutely not interested in a guy, I wouldn't accept a second date.
I can't morally justify USING someone just so I can "date." I think there are likely a lot of people who would agree with you and I on that.
Maybe I'm screwing myself over, but I'd like to fall asleep at night, knowing I didn't selfishly use someone for my own personal gain. I'd rather stay alone and still be able to respect myself as a person.
 
I signed up for one site a while ago. But never got around to filling out my profile or uploading a pic (I have no smartphone or digital cam).
I did so mainly just to look-see.

My problem with meeting someone is compatibility. My likes / interests simply do not jive with 95% of the women who are seeking a guy. If I'm not aged out, their personalities and interests are far different than mine.

My favorite BS line "I'm living life to the fullest!!!" How many times do I come across that proclamation? If everything is going peachy-keen, which is what that phrase seems to imply, why is she on a dating site?

What I prefer about a dating site is that you already know someone is looking for some type of relationship, and you get to see their likes, etc. If I see a woman during the course of my day / evening that seems to be approachable, I do not know if she is single / seeking a relationship, etc. I might be interrupting or hassling her should i decide to approach. and so, I do not.

However, I do agree that the perpetual desire to not give someone who is compatible a chance after one or two dates due to the online dating disease known as "upgrade-itis" can be emotionally draining and damaging.
 
ABrokenMan said:
My favorite BS line "I'm living life to the fullest!!!"

lol, I DESPISE reading that on a profile.
Besides...if their lives are already full, they don't have the time nor energy for a significant other, now do they? LOL
 
When I first used a "computer dating" site, it was when computers were the size of a four bedroom house,we were still using square wheels and stone axes!

No "online" back then,you paid your fee,they sent you a questionare to fill in,likes,dislikes,interests,etc,

And your characteristics,height,build,looks and what characteristics you were looking for in a partner, and

They would send you up to six names of people in your area who matched.

To cut a long story short, first list came back,no names at all, and could you expand your search area please.

Second list of names,no names.

17 times the form sent back and I had to change details of height,that was from 5 foot to 6 and half foot,age,that changed to 18-40(i was 23)build,religion,politics,and eventually my search area covered the whole of the British isles,Scotland and Wales.

Finally,3 months later,and form number 18, two names!

Both within a couple of miles of me.

Wrote a letter(snail mail),with a photo,to first girl on list. Reply was short and sweet. She sent my photo back ripped up.

Wrote to second girl,sent letter,no photo this time.

She phoned me,we went on a date,total disaster. Nearly chocked to death on some food. Absolutely nothing in common with each other.

We are still married.

Moral of the story: Stop wasting your time looking for the "perfect match". Just try looking.
 

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