I am Skinny and Unattractive

Okay. So, this is a thread for another type of person who has a different set of body issues.

I am a thin guy, tallish, around 6'-2", so my thinness is highly accentuated and I have felt self conscious about it most of my life. My body type is an ectomorph (for you gym-types,) which only means that it's harder for me to maintain muscle-mass than most other people.

When I was a kid, I was super skinny to where I felt like a freak most of the time. Despite the fact that I ate food like a horse, I was still a skinny twig, and I thought I looked anorexic in a mirror. My metabolism was so high that I could consume anything and not gain a pound. (I know that this sounds like heaven for some people, but the point is, I had my own self-esteem issues connected with that.)

Since I felt horrible about it, I would buy clothes that hid my skinniness from the public. I wore a lot of long sleeve shirts and sweaters, even in the summertime, to hide my skinny frame. And I never wore shorts, which meant that I was wearing WAY more fabric than I should on a hot summer day. (Just imagine how close I've gotten to fainting in the heat.)

As I got older, I was able to gain some weight and fill out a bit, but a recent health scare forced me to change my diet and I am now back down to my skinny weight from my youth.

The truth is that I don't think I am unattractive. I think some people might think that I am, and that's fine, but I feel fortunate that I don't think that of myself. At least, I have graduated this far. However, I do feel that I am not the best I can be. I still can't wear what I want because some things would look stupid on me, and I don't go to the beach even though it's almost a lifestyle out here, because one look at my body and I would blind everyone with my pale skin. lol

I exaggerate that for a reason. Everything I have written, I have felt. I *have* felt ugly at times, I *have* felt unwanted, I *have* felt like a lesser person simply because I am skinny. Now, I realize there is a chance I will be getting no sympathy, but considering there is another thread here for people who have body issues on the opposite side of the weight spectrum, I thought this could be a place to discuss the skinnier side.

I've been called "anorexic," "sickly," "twig man," "matchstick man," "popsicle stick," and any number of names one might call a skinny dude. These names have only been a minor nuisance. (One co-worker used to greet me every morning by saying, "Hey, Skinny!" Then, one morning I answered with, "Heyyy, FATTY!" and she never called me "skinny" again. I wouldn't have ever referred to someone's weight that way, but this woman was one of the most irritating people I'd ever known, so she deserved it.)

I know that some people might think that I am crazy for having an issue with being thin. All I can say is that this has been a life-long problem for me. When I see men who can fill out a t-shirt, or an athlete with even medium-sized arms, there have been times when I've felt a tad inadequate. These days, I can actually wear a t-shirt and not feel like everyone is gawking or laughing at me. But I wish I could wear whatever I wanted and not feel that horrible whiff of self consciousness about it.

So, am I the only one like this here?

Hello Case, I have to admit that a big part of me is shouting out 'I want this problem!!' and probably a lot of people (especially women) would think the same way after the constant 'you have to be thin to be attractive/acceptable' brainwashing we get from TV, magazines etc. But I want to put this to one side and to concentrate on you and on what you are saying.
Although it is harder for you to put on and to maintain muscle mass than for other physical types, could you still develop your muscles and put on some healthy weight by going to the gym, even when it takes a lot more effort on your part than it would on the part of others? I realise that you would have to dress in gym clothes which would show your thiness when you start , but if you could try and ignore the people around you no matter how hard this is, going there might help you a lot in the long term. Or you could start exercising at home at first until you start to develop muscle mass.

Having struggled with weight issues most of my life I can’t identify with your problem in the least, but I’ve known others who felt the same so I do understand it’s a problem that does exist.

Your issues sound the same as the issues that overweight people have. How do clothes fit me, how do they look on me, do I look stupid wearing this, do people think I’m too fat, skinny, whatever.

The difference of course is that fat shaming is pervasive and everyone is made to feel that you must be thin to be successful, beautiful, worthwhile, healthy, blah blah blah.

You’re no different than anyone else though. You just have to do your best to change what you don’t like about you and stop giving a **** what others don’t like about you, because they don’t matter. That’s the same battle we all face daily.

As far as calling your coworker fatty, that sucks. It wasn’t funny and she didn’t deserve it. People who struggle with overweight do not see being thin as a bad thing. Not everyone understands that it’s an issue. Explaining to them that it’s a struggle for you, it’s hurtful, or whatever it is you feel when she called you skinny would have gone much further in helping both you and her. She did not see calling you skinny to be insulting in any way. What you did was just mean.

Purple Reign said:

As far as calling your coworker fatty, that sucks. It wasn’t funny and she didn’t deserve it. People who struggle with overweight do not see being thin as a bad thing. Not everyone understands that it’s an issue. Explaining to them that it’s a struggle for you, it’s hurtful, or whatever it is you feel when she called you skinny would have gone much further in helping both you and her. She did not see calling you skinny to be insulting in any way. What you did was just mean.

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Nope. She deserved it. She was not just an insensitive woman, but a mean and unrepentant one. I wanted her to feel how she was making me feel because she had done many things to be undeserving of my kindness such as slapping my forehead in front of her laughing friends, and various other insults. I feel absolutely no shame or remorse for calling her one name after receiving her sustained torrent of abuse. If one name was enough to stop her from abusing me, it was worth it.

You obviously know the situation better than I do. I just know that making others feel bad because you feel bad isn't the answer, and when I read your post I could imagine the burning humiliation she must have felt when you said that. It made me want to hug her, but you not so much. You feel bad about your body, so you made another human being feel bad, too. Yay you.

On the other hand I know people who I feel deserve whatever bad things they get, and it sounds like she isn't a nice person so who am I to judge.

Reading this does make me think twice about being mean because I perceive others as being mean though. From the outside it makes me look bad to others, and really by worrying about it, I'm giving them too much importance in my life. Just yesterday someone said something pretty shitty to me and I've had it on my mind since. Now I realize what she is, and I'm sure others see it too, and she's just not worth my time.

I'm sorry you have to deal with it though. I've been in a lot of uncomfortable coworker situations and it stinks. We all know that being skinny is not seen as a negative thing by most, however, so I feel educating them would be more helpful than insulting them, generally speaking.

((hugs))...i think you are wonderful just the way you are

Purple Reign said:

You obviously know the situation better than I do. I just know that making others feel bad because you feel bad isn't the answer, and when I read your post I could imagine the burning humiliation she must have felt when you said that. It made me want to hug her, but you not so much. You feel bad about your body, so you made another human being feel bad, too. Yay you.

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If you had seen this woman, or had to experience her daily, multi-tiered abuse, you would not be defending her so casually. She eventually got fired for harassment, so my one little insult paled in comparison to her horrible behavior. If she was a nicer person, I might have tried to reason with her. But as her firing proved, she was beyond reason.

We all know that being skinny is not seen as a negative thing by most, however, so I feel educating them would be more helpful than insulting them, generally speaking.

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I don't feel the way you do about being skinny because it has brought me a lot of pain. But I don't expect you to empathize. I was hoping someone would, but maybe my lifetime of anxieties are simply unimportant.

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DVEUS said:

((hugs))...i think you are wonderful just the way you are

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Thank you.

Purple Reign said:

You obviously know the situation better than I do. I just know that making others feel bad because you feel bad isn't the answer, and when I read your post I could imagine the burning humiliation she must have felt when you said that. It made me want to hug her, but you not so much. You feel bad about your body, so you made another human being feel bad, too. Yay you.

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I don't think you understand this concept. It's called sticking up for yourself. The alternative would be taking it, getting constantly pushed around and hurting, and that just isn't acceptable. He stuck up for himself, he did the right thing, she had it coming. I was bullied and pushed around a while back, and I stuck up for myself (granted it was with fists, not with words). If one or two people had to hurt for me to stop hurting, then that's perfectly fine.

Good on you, case, you did good.

As for your issue, I had a similar issue a while back, although i'm a mesomorph so it's much easier for me to build muscle, so that's long gone. Still, I totally get it. No matter if you're overweight or skinny as fresia, not feeling good about yourself is all the same, it sucks regardless.

If you feel you would like to add more muscle to fill out your frame there is some good news in being ectomorphic, being able to add lean mass is indeed possible.

The key thing for ectomorphic body types to bear in mind in training to add muscle is to not over train & keep the cardio very much to a minimum.

Training for shortened periods, using powerful core exercises(squats, deadlifts, press), only going to the gym 2 or 3 times a week as a maximum & feeding yourself well-eating often, healthy well balanced meals, healthy snacking, home made healthy shakes(ensuring you are fuelled for training & always having a shake immediately after training).

It's important that you are happy with your body, whatever that may entail & no matter what anyone else thinks.

I get comments on being skinny quite a lot. I don't really care though. I do what I feel works for me, what helps me have confidence in myself. That said, I am underweight and I'm the skinniest person I know, so I have come to expect the comments.
As for the unattractive part, I don't get comments about being unattractive, quite the opposite, but I don't really care for the compliments, so I generally just mumble a thanks and then ignore it.

I apologize. I do empathize with both body issues and bullying coworkers. You have to handle it however it seems right to you. I am sorry I was insensitive to your issues.

Alma lost her spoon said:

If you feel you would like to add more muscle to fill out your frame there is some good news in being ectomorphic, being able to add lean mass is indeed possible.

The key thing for ectomorphic body types to bear in mind in training to add muscle is to not over train & keep the cardio very much to a minimum.

Training for shortened periods, using powerful core exercises(squats, deadlifts, press), only going to the gym 2 or 3 times a week as a maximum & feeding yourself well-eating often, healthy well balanced meals, healthy snacking, home made healthy shakes(ensuring you are fuelled for training & always having a shake immediately after training).

It's important that you are happy with your body, whatever that may entail & no matter what anyone else thinks.

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Add protein shakes and creatine.

My arms were like twigs compared to the rest of my body until I discovered creatine

Hi Case, you already know about the other thing,but when I was a teenager,I had exactly the same problem,6'2" tall and weighed 7 stone. Ate like a horse,never put weight on,wore baggy clothes,like you,even on the hottest days,boy was idkinny. And envious of people with proper bodies,suntans,just to be able to walk around in t shirt and shorts,but being really pale skinned,no chance of ever getting a suntan. Lack of weight is an issue,but it seems to be more of an issue for guys,with Women of course,its the opposite, they worry about too much weight,give me a +size girl every time,not that skinny girls are unattractive,they are,that's just my personal opinion,before someone jumps and starts ripping into me. Looking on the bright side,I'm now in my 50's and 15 stone. Case,you are what you are,just be yourself.

I have your exact problem. Honestly it has dealt a huge blow to my self esteem. People are oblivious to the fact that calling me skinny is insulting. Being underweight is more difficult than people think.

Skinny doesn't mean unattractive. I saw your picture, I think, and you're a good looking dude.

VanillaCreme said:

Skinny doesn't mean unattractive. I saw your picture, I think, and you're a good looking dude.

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Yeh unless that camera put 20 lbs on you, I didn't think you were skinny or unattractive.

But here is the thing... I am fat, and I often think that is responsible for everything. So a few years back, I lost the weight. I was 5 lbs from normal. Really nothing changed at all. Nothing. I wasn't approached by more good people... my life wasn't any better (I still had trouble fitting into clothing) and people didn't really know I had lost much weight at all. They kind of saw a version of me in their head and that didn't change very much.

I think you're caught in a time warp - nothing wrong with being slim. Being bulked up and muscular is a bit of a joke these days.

What's important when it comes to attraction (appearance wise) is facial structure/aesthetics, something we can't do a **** thing about, and to a lesser extent hair, grooming and clothes. If you're skinny you can wear anything and look good.

I have struggled with weight issues. I guess I am what you call skinny-fat. When I was a kid, I felt like I was too skinny and would wear really baggy clothes. So I tried to gain weight. Then as a teenager, I wanted to have the toned abs that models have. So I started dieting and losing a lot of weight. I developed anorexia and wanted to be the same weight I was when I was a child. I still struggle with it sometimes. A year and a half ago, it got so bad that any kind of food was nauseating for me to eat. ANY kind of food. I weighed only 88 lbs at one point. The funny thing is, I still did not feel that I had achieved the body that I wanted. So I guess the moral is, be happy with what you have. I mean, be healthy, but don't obsess over body issues because it will make you miserable.

There's nothing wrong with being muscular. There's nothing wrong with being slim. There's nothing wrong with being fat. It's usually just people's perception, their thoughts and ideas, a certain mentality that makes it seem like it's not okay to be a certain way. People picking on other people for being a certain way. People getting upset that they are one way and not the other.

If you are personally not okay with it, that's fine. There's all sorts of things you can do to change that. Bodies can change. It may take a while, may take some effort. But if it's what you want to do to change how you look, more power to you.

ardour said:

I think you're caught in a time warp - nothing wrong with being slim. Being bulked up and muscular is a bit of a joke these days.

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I would say you might be wrong with that to some extent. At least where I am, across the pond in the US, there seems to be an expectation that a guy should have at least *some* muscle mass. I have a similar problem to the OP being that I can generally eat as I want and not gain much.. I don't have gripes with that, but that seems to have a bonus attached to it: very hard to gain muscle mass. That's the part that bothers me.