Just a Big, Fat Sigh

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AmytheTemperamental

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I knew that the next little while wouldn't be easy. But I'm really struggling with not falling back into that dark place.

On Tuesday, it was confirmed that my mom has bowel and stomach cancer. They were able to remove some of it, but she still requires surgery. We won't know how bad it is until some results come back in a few weeks, but she will be starting chemo soon. And surgery probably won't happen until the new year.

This is her second time having cancer.

I feel really lost. I'm scared. I have all the hope in the world, but I have that little demon in the back of my head, telling me that this is going to hurt bad.

I am currently a month into separation from the person I married. I thought that this made me somewhat stronger, and more in touch with who I should be. But I'm struggling to keep my head up right now. :(
 
I'd say be prepared for anything, but try not to worry too much about it until you know how bad it is.

I hope she gets better. :)
 
AmytheTemperamental said:
I knew that the next little while wouldn't be easy. But I'm really struggling with not falling back into that dark place.

On Tuesday, it was confirmed that my mom has bowel and stomach cancer. They were able to remove some of it, but she still requires surgery. We won't know how bad it is until some results come back in a few weeks, but she will be starting chemo soon. And surgery probably won't happen until the new year.

This is her second time having cancer.

I feel really lost. I'm scared. I have all the hope in the world, but I have that little demon in the back of my head, telling me that this is going to hurt bad.

I am currently a month into separation from the person I married. I thought that this made me somewhat stronger, and more in touch with who I should be. But I'm struggling to keep my head up right now. :(

I think the emotions you're experiencing right now are completely normal for someone in your situation. That probably doesn't offer you a lot of comfort, but if I were in your shoes, I'd probably feel the exact same way you do. Your mom is lucky to have someone like you that cares about her so much.

You said you aren't measuring up to your own expectations, what expectations are those?
 
AmytheTemperamental said:
I knew that the next little while wouldn't be easy. But I'm really struggling with not falling back into that dark place.

On Tuesday, it was confirmed that my mom has bowel and stomach cancer. They were able to remove some of it, but she still requires surgery. We won't know how bad it is until some results come back in a few weeks, but she will be starting chemo soon. And surgery probably won't happen until the new year.

This is her second time having cancer.

I feel really lost. I'm scared. I have all the hope in the world, but I have that little demon in the back of my head, telling me that this is going to hurt bad.

I am currently a month into separation from the person I married. I thought that this made me somewhat stronger, and more in touch with who I should be. But I'm struggling to keep my head up right now. :(

We all have off days, even off months. It doesn't mean you aren't strong, it just means you're human. Keep going and keep your head up. You'll get where you want to be. It just takes time.

I'll keep your mom in my thoughts. <3
 
Dear Amy, sorry to hear what you are going through - courage doesn't mean never feeling scared, it means feeling the fear and doing it anyway, that makes you very brave.
One also needs a weekend off from being brave from time to time.
 
Amy, I'm sorry. :(

*hugs*

Sending your mom my bestest wishes and for a speedy recovery - may she be able to kick the cancer away or at least take control of it and may she always have the strength to keep fighting this battle.

Sending you my well wishes too, I hope you'll remain strong in this process of separation as well as for your mom. We're all right here for you in support, okay? Hang in there, Amy. *hughughug*
 
Thank you everyone for your kind replies.


SophiaGrace said:
I think the emotions you're experiencing right now are completely normal for someone in your situation. That probably doesn't offer you a lot of comfort, but if I were in your shoes, I'd probably feel the exact same way you do. Your mom is lucky to have someone like you that cares about her so much.

You said you aren't measuring up to your own expectations, what expectations are those?

My biggest expectation of myself right now, is to the most reliable person I can be. I like to hide from my problems, and other people's problems. But my mom is the one person who has never been disappointed with me when I get like that. And I can't let her down right now. And I am terrified that I will.

I am terrified that I will let everyone down.
 
AmytheTemperamental said:
Thank you everyone for your kind replies.

My biggest expectation of myself right now, is to the most reliable person I can be. I like to hide from my problems, and other people's problems. But my mom is the one person who has never been disappointed with me when I get like that. And I can't let her down right now. And I am terrified that I will.

I am terrified that I will let everyone down.

You know, if I was feeling all of this, I'd feel really really overwhelmed. That's a lot to deal with emotionally.

Your mom seems to love you unconditionally. It sounds like you have a great relationship with her. If I could venture a guess, it sounds like your mom will continue to love you no matter how you deal with this.

We're here for you, Amy, if you need to talk about this any further.
 

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