African_weasel
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Discuss how to try to make friend and try to spend time with them? discuss!!!:club:
How do you go to try to make friends?
- Thread starter African_weasel
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Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
VanillaCreme
Well-known member
I've never tried. And I don't mean that in a bragging way. I just think that many people tend to try so hard, they kind of overshoot what they aim for.
Spending time with my peeps? We play games. That's what we do.
Spending time with my peeps? We play games. That's what we do.
I agree with VC above. Many people try too hard and it goes wrong because the other person can sense this and backs off. It's hard, though, when you long for friends, not to try too hard. Think I have this problem with relationships-I want one so much that I can't relax or be natural on dates.
I can only think of the same tired advice that most people give-go out more, mix with others who maybe share one or two of your interests and see if a spark is lit. Try, if possible, to enoy the activity without focusing too much on finding friends there, and then hopefully ypou will come across as yourself and not as awkward and tense.
I can only think of the same tired advice that most people give-go out more, mix with others who maybe share one or two of your interests and see if a spark is lit. Try, if possible, to enoy the activity without focusing too much on finding friends there, and then hopefully ypou will come across as yourself and not as awkward and tense.
Darrell_Licht
Well-known member
Simply become interested in other people. Some people won't respond the way you like, but I guarantee you ONE person will. It only takes is one person at a time. Next thing you know, you're part of a network.
With people like us (introverted, anxious, eccentric etc.) it helps to learn not to wear your feelings on a sleeve and be extra patient with others. try not to think all about yourself.
Keep in mind these things take time. Especially with the older you get.
With people like us (introverted, anxious, eccentric etc.) it helps to learn not to wear your feelings on a sleeve and be extra patient with others. try not to think all about yourself.
Keep in mind these things take time. Especially with the older you get.
Tealeaf
Well-known member
The only thing I can say is to look for people "like you", and if there aren't any plus you're a poor salesperson you're out of luck. I believe there's nothing more to it, because there are narcissists, clingy people, dependents, sociopaths, ********, and all kinds of people out there with friends who, in theory, should have none for one reason or another.
I've tried all the advice in threads like these, but have still spent the morning off work without a soul to talk to who cares, even online. Currently I just sit and wait for more than passing interest, because I'm too old to get excited about meeting new people anymore and I have to focus on having a life outside of other human beings. If they can prove that they're genuinely friendly to me, I'll make time away from my projects for them.
I've tried all the advice in threads like these, but have still spent the morning off work without a soul to talk to who cares, even online. Currently I just sit and wait for more than passing interest, because I'm too old to get excited about meeting new people anymore and I have to focus on having a life outside of other human beings. If they can prove that they're genuinely friendly to me, I'll make time away from my projects for them.
imlikeasilhouette
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Darrell_Licht said:
I agree with this. Normally, I just try expressing and showing my interest in other people and see how they'd respond first.
ladyforsaken
Well-known member
imlikeasilhouette said:
This really.
It's what I have to do with the clients for my new job. It's interesting what you get out of people sometimes when you just talk to them and show interest. Even simple things like asking how their weekend was or how their day was. Maybe the clients I meet are more outgoing where they'd really tell you how their weekend was like in detail and you can totally get into a conversation like that.. and it continues the next time you see them.. and next thing you know, they ask to hangout, do some stuff together and then next thing you know, you're friends.
Again, if you tend to meet less outgoing people, don't give up trying. You're bound to come across one or two who will respond well and complement your personality. You'll know it when it happens.. it's nice.
sothatwasmylife
Well-known member
Shared interests is a possibility....art..photography..cookery...necrophillia..well maybe not necrophillia
maybe if there are adult education programmes in your area....Dancing...
...did you say dancing???.. Mojive or something similar that starts with the absolute basics..so you learn in a large group scenario....can be fun and create social possibilities.
maybe if there are adult education programmes in your area....Dancing......did you say dancing???.. Mojive or something similar that starts with the absolute basics..so you learn in a large group scenario....can be fun and create social possibilities.
Wanderer145
Well-known member
Meetup.com is a good start...honestly though the people I meet on there I dont get to know very well ans just end up being acquaintances as opposed to friends. Joining clubs and groups is however a good start to try and meet friends and supposedly potential partners. I think as many people have said on here, if you come across as too strong it will come off as a negative vibe.
I like to make people laugh which I'm not bad at and end up chatting with so many people but there's not much after that other than dead end conversations or me constantly trying to initiate a convo....
I'd highly recommend travelling the people I've met around the world I've kept in contact with some of them and they're some of the best people I've met in my life.
I like to make people laugh which I'm not bad at and end up chatting with so many people but there's not much after that other than dead end conversations or me constantly trying to initiate a convo....
I'd highly recommend travelling the people I've met around the world I've kept in contact with some of them and they're some of the best people I've met in my life.
just before seeing this thread I read this: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014...riends-in-real-life-no-social-media-required/
African_weasel
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Peaches said:
Apparently, meeting new people is an art form I see.
ashita
New member
I am still in school, so I've been trying to join clubs and organizations. It hasn't worked out nicely for me, though. I feel very left out at gatherings and it's very scary for me to go up to people and talk to them. But I can see how shared interest can bring people together.
ashita said:
I understand this. Joining clubs, interest groups, trying to do volunteering, none of it has worked for me. Even when it's been promised that it will, it doesn't. I just always seem to be the 'odd one out'. Even when the other people are supposed to be like me, have the same interests, I seem to be the one that doesn't fit in, and doesn't get accepted. By anyone. If I try to be nice to someone, greet them, talk to them, ask them about themselves (as so many therapists used to tell me to do) I just get told to get lost .... although, not in as nice a way as that. Even happens 9/10 times on the internet, a place where you would think it would be actually easier to find someone to at least talk to regularly.
You can't be friends with people who don't want to be friends with you. It's sadly as simple as that.
ardour
Well known loser
Cucuboth said:
Australians aren't exactly known for their tact, but surely it can't be that bad??
SofiasMami
Well-known member
Hi,
First off, your most satisfying and deep friendships will be found offline, not on the web. So the first step is to turn off your computer or phone.
When I was in college, I read a book called How to Win Friends and Influence People. I believe the author's last name is Carnegie if I remember correctly. I'm sure it's still in print. I still remember some of the points in the book, like people love to talk about themselves (that includes me and you and 99% of people you will meet!). So when you meet someone, if you get them talking about themselves and show a genuine interest in them, they will tend to view you positively.
Friendships must be cultivated. You can't just sign up for one. You must make an effort, be patient and if someone isn't interested in being your friend don't take it personally.
-Teresa
First off, your most satisfying and deep friendships will be found offline, not on the web. So the first step is to turn off your computer or phone.
When I was in college, I read a book called How to Win Friends and Influence People. I believe the author's last name is Carnegie if I remember correctly. I'm sure it's still in print. I still remember some of the points in the book, like people love to talk about themselves (that includes me and you and 99% of people you will meet!). So when you meet someone, if you get them talking about themselves and show a genuine interest in them, they will tend to view you positively.
Friendships must be cultivated. You can't just sign up for one. You must make an effort, be patient and if someone isn't interested in being your friend don't take it personally.
-Teresa
VanillaCreme
Well-known member
SofiasMami said:
I don't think this is necessarily true for everyone. A friend is a friend, regardless of if you know their screen name better than their first name, or if you grew up together from birth.
Case
Well-known member
I don't think I have ever consciously tried to make friends with anyone. Friendships just happen, and I never force it to happen. I can remember only one time where I specifically wanted someone to be my friend and I initiated contact with the person. Every other time was a slow process of getting to know them until we considered each other friends.
VanillaCreme said:
I agree with Vanilla Creme on this one, ever since I made a great cyberfriend in another country. I know that I can tell her anything and that she will be supportive and interested and she knows the same applies the other way round.
SofiasMami
Well-known member
Tiina63 said:
Actually, I think it's great that you found a wonderful cyberfriend. I suppose I am more old-fashioned than most and that colors my opinions.
-Teresa
Triple Bogey
Well-known member
SofiasMami said:
I read that book too. When I was in my 20's. It was the first self help thing I did.
