"discovering myself" thru depression

I'm a 43 year old guy, and I am depressed. In fact, I'm clinically depressed. I have bipolar disorder and some schizophrenia symptoms too, in what's called schizoaffective. The bipolar symptoms are depressive rather than manic and has been for several years. My schizoid symptoms are delusions and paranoia.

I'm just discovering myself I think. I'm trying to find God in my life. And I am discovering how insignificant I am in the realm of things. I know God loves us but being this depressed clinically I don't feel much. I'm on several anti depressants, Wellbutrin and Zoloft. They aren't really touching the depression.

I wonder if anyone else feels like they are "discovering themselves" thru having depression?

I did. While I can't say I'm through with it yet, I'll admit, it's taught me a lot of lessons in life I wouldn't have known otherwise. A lot of it's appreciating things I never appreciated before. I hope in time things get better for you dear.

Not much to say otherwise, but I imagine the usual "self-discovery" route is different for those who have to search through things like bipolar and depression to find their answers. Easy to sail on a calm sea and all.

I'm not sure where my previous message to you went but I will reiterate myself.

You know, if you're still feeling depressed you could consider talking to your psychiatrist about how you've been feeling. You shouldn't feel depressed when you are on antidepressants. They're supposed to be working for you, helping you. You deserve to feel better, not wallow in agony.

God does love us, but we are separated from him due to sin. Don't accept the devil's lie that God doesn't love you. He does. Sometimes I feel like depression is a tool of the Enemy to separate myself from God. At least I've felt like that in the past. God loves you, even if you can't feel it, He does.

We are small in comparison to the universe but our lives matter. Everyone's life matters...everyone who has a soul including animals. So please don't downgrade the importance of your life, your growth, your happiness just because we are just one of many.

Well mate you have touched a nerve in me in a good way .. I was diagnosed as Bipolar clinically depressed it took 48 years to get a diagnosis. I currently take cipralex, wellbutrin, abilify and ( clanzapan and trazadone to sleep). It took 2 years to get the correct mix of meds to keep me balanced. During that time I went through hell.However, since becoming balanced I have been good. Yes, there will always be the day when you are depressed however you can cope with it better. I suggest you talk it over with your doctor to try a different mix. The abilify was added to my regime to help the other two drugs it made a world of difference.

Since becoming balanced I took a real hard look at how I was living and did a complete 360 from where I was to where I am now. My true faith that being wiccan became very important to me. My health and mental well being equally as well. I am no longer afraid to say. "YES, I have a mental illness." Which fills you with a confidence and serenity just being up front about it. Are there people who reject me, sure but it does not bother me at all anymore. I figure they are the ones who have a problem not me.You cannot judge a book by its cover.

Another analogy I use is people like that are the ones in the box I am the one on the outside enjoying life. I mediate, eat healthy attend a out patient group with all kinds of mental disorder people. But I have found them to be the most understanding people I know.

The first step is to put your needs first something that was completely foreign to me at first. It does not make you selfish it makes you well.. I hope this helps you even a lil to know you are not the only one. Your life and well being does matter.. Bright blessings ^.^