Overwhelming Melancholy I suppose
I have depression, and recently discovered more about it, particularly how it manifests sometimes. I keep having sudden appearances of deep melancholy, I feel overcome with dejection and despondency. I'm writing this within the nexus of an episode, Deeply sad and terrorising thoughts keep coming to mind throwing me further and further towards total breakdown. I have many conditions extensively barraging me simultaneously, It honestly feels like an infinity of constant concoctions intermingling randomly, producing unknown outcomes that also contributed to a severe state of down.
These thoughts, particularly one that affects me most, is the thought of my mother dying. She is the greatest women alive, to me, and I owe her everything I have. I cannot even imagine what life would be like without her, I can only understand that life would be of very little worth. The others are due to the absence of love, social interaction, and no doubt other factors that I cannot seem to explain nor can any expert I have seen. One doctor, a psychologist, proposes that it's an entirely new form of cognitive condition causing an otherwise Unexplainable discommode, to him there is no other way to account for it.
The very escapade of speaking of this causes me great discomfort and pain.
I cannot live my life like this, it is simply too anxious, apprehensive and restless.
I really try to escape from reality, I smoke Pot and that helps me a lot, I try to find happiness at the bottom of a bottle often and I always end up in the exact same position. What can I do? I am absolutely sure that nobody, ever in the history of life, has experienced this. I could continue writing this forever to explain it, but it would never end. I presume a lot of you have had depression and perhaps can give me an intimation as to what I should do?
I have depression, and recently discovered more about it, particularly how it manifests sometimes. I keep having sudden appearances of deep melancholy, I feel overcome with dejection and despondency. I'm writing this within the nexus of an episode, Deeply sad and terrorising thoughts keep coming to mind throwing me further and further towards total breakdown. I have many conditions extensively barraging me simultaneously, It honestly feels like an infinity of constant concoctions intermingling randomly, producing unknown outcomes that also contributed to a severe state of down.
These thoughts, particularly one that affects me most, is the thought of my mother dying. She is the greatest women alive, to me, and I owe her everything I have. I cannot even imagine what life would be like without her, I can only understand that life would be of very little worth. The others are due to the absence of love, social interaction, and no doubt other factors that I cannot seem to explain nor can any expert I have seen. One doctor, a psychologist, proposes that it's an entirely new form of cognitive condition causing an otherwise Unexplainable discommode, to him there is no other way to account for it.
The very escapade of speaking of this causes me great discomfort and pain.
I cannot live my life like this, it is simply too anxious, apprehensive and restless.
I really try to escape from reality, I smoke Pot and that helps me a lot, I try to find happiness at the bottom of a bottle often and I always end up in the exact same position. What can I do? I am absolutely sure that nobody, ever in the history of life, has experienced this. I could continue writing this forever to explain it, but it would never end. I presume a lot of you have had depression and perhaps can give me an intimation as to what I should do?
