Lonely and depressed :(

I've never felt so lonely in my life. I'm a sophomore in college and I've been really lonely since the beginning of High School. I've always felt very isolated from others. I have a small, close circle of friends (4). Other than that, nobody seems to like me. At my college people are either uninterested, or look at me like I have three heads. I commute and have no real friends there. Old high school acquaintances, when I see them, talk behind my back when they think I'm not looking. It's really heartbreaking and I wish I knew what I'd done to deserve it. I am introverted, but I like to talk to new people and engage in conversation. I'm friendly and I'm a good listener. I don't understand what's the matter with me.

It got much worse from junior year of HS onwards when a girl I was friends with led me on a few times. We eventually dated for three months at the end of high school and she broke up with me on the first day of college. I know it might sound dramatic but the whole experience with that girl was absolutely soul-crushing. I haven't felt really happy ever since, it's like a wet blanket thrown over me 24/7. She's the only girl I ever had mutual feelings for. I think she's had two boyfriends since me, the first a week and a half after she broke up with me. Every time I see her I feel really horrible, so I avoid that as much as possible.

I'm really depressed. Whenever I'm around people, even family, I feel separate and alone. If it weren't for my love of music and my wonderful dog (I live alone with her), I don't know if I could handle it at all. I just randomly cry all the time now, and it's horrible

I am so sorry that you are in this situation… music is great, but by no means it can substitute people.
The only thing that I can say, that I am sure of, is that the situation will change. I don't know what kind of college you are in, maybe you haven't found the right group yet. Thing is, very very few people are popular with everyone, and even those will always have someone talking behind their back, because that is how people are. It's good that you call them "acquaintances" from high school and not friends, I know it hurts but 95% they are not doing it on purpose, they do it because they are sheep and everyone does that, talking behind one's back. Most probably it has nothing to do with you, and all to do with them.

Anyway, especially in college years, things change pretty fast, even if it seems like forever. Please hang in there…

You seem an awesome, sociable guy with an adorable mug (is that English?) You keep being friendly, I can bet all my money that in some months you will have a better life. Did you consider going to live with other people, if right now you are living by yourself?

((((MusicMan))))

Thanks for the links, Sophia.

@Peaches: Thanks for the response.

You're right that music can't substitute people, but I've found that it's better to do something you love on your own than to surround yourself with people who aren't really your friends and go with their flow. Of course, it would be ideal to both be doing what I love, and be surrounded by great people... I'm very thankful for those few close friends I have, but most of them are gone during the school year.

My school is a state college with a great music program, and since I'm a music ed major I'm in one building for most of my classes. I do hope things change soon... I'm worried that if things don't get better during college, they never will.

I'm not English, my sister-in-law just happened to take a picture when I had that certain facial expression on

i totally agree about music, if you love it, it can be a better friend than humans. writting/playing/listening to songs kept me going through some bad times.

Now, a break-up can be harsh and hard on you, especially if it happened the first days of college as you said, when everything is new and changing. If I got an advice, is dont let it affect your studies. I've been through a similar situation, breaking up with my fiance on second year of college, and I gave up on it. Now, on the 4th year, I'm supossed to graduate and there is no chance of making it. If I understood right, the whole thing still hurts you. Move on then. It's not easy, but if there are no chances of you getting back together, why waste and ruin your life and mood for her?

And about people talking about you behind your back. Im pretty sure it's not personal, but their way of making themselves feel better, by feeding off others' hapiness


I'd say focus on your music. Try to find people that are into the same things with you, maybe from some of your classes or some study groups. Soon enough you'll make friends with same interests and have fun, and hopefully a great new girl! Hang in there

Erevetot said:

Now, a break-up can be harsh and hard on you, especially if it happened the first days of college as you said, when everything is new and changing. If I got an advice, is dont let it affect your studies. I've been through a similar situation, breaking up with my fiance on second year of college, and I gave up on it. Now, on the 4th year, I'm supossed to graduate and there is no chance of making it. If I understood right, the whole thing still hurts you. Move on then. It's not easy, but if there are no chances of you getting back together, why waste and ruin your life and mood for her?

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I know I should move on - even if we could get back together I wouldn't want to. It's just easier said than done. I thought I'd be over it after over a year, but apparently not -_- Trust me when I say I don't want to feel crappy.

If you're living with depression, it can make even the existing human warmth seem far away. That said, some college campuses are better than others - sometimes people haven't had to grow up yet.

Musicman said:

I know I should move on - even if we could get back together I wouldn't want to. It's just easier said than done. I thought I'd be over it after over a year, but apparently not -_- Trust me when I say I don't want to feel crappy.

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Believe me, I've been there, I am there, now, I know it's hard. But you need to force yourself to believe it, that you must move on and get rid of any feelings you got left. Even if you hate her, you're still not letting go.

With that said, depression and loneliness is the main reason you're posting I believe, so I'll stop giving relationship advices, I suck at love :3

As Tealeaf said, depression is a *****, it makes it harder.
I can relate to what you feel, feeling alone even if you're with people. I got some "friends" but I still feel alone even if im with them chatting etc.

I take it you like music. I like it too. In the last week, my emotions have been a rollercoaster, the only reason Im still sane is cause I kept writing music, and listening to some. I wrote about 20 songs that I will probably never actually record properly, that in a week will be forgotten. But I love writting, so I did it anyways, it kept me from breaking.

As I said on my previous post, try to focus on things you love/enjoy, and just remember that things will be fine again. While it's hard, try to let people in, and you'll soon find great friends and maybe more. Similar interests can make things easier when it comes to meeting people and chatting, and I doubt everyone in your college is a ******, you'll find the right people to connect with!

Just keep being strong

Musicman said:

I know I should move on - even if we could get back together I wouldn't want to. It's just easier said than done. I thought I'd be over it after over a year, but apparently not -_- Trust me when I say I don't want to feel crappy.

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The reality is that you'll heal over time, you'll encounter new things that put your past into perspective and you'll heal as you move forward. The only advice I could impart to you is just be honest with yourself about how you're feeling. Don't make thinking about your previous relationship a taboo, if it's making you sad it's alright to be sad just don't wallow in it. You've expressed an affinity for music so you may be keen to channel some of that frustration and pain through that medium. Just remember, even if a past relationship is what's making you sad, expressing it and turning it into something positive is for you, not them, so make sure it doesn't become about them.

Why do you assume that you're the problem, Musicman? People can be extraordinarily cruel and self-involved. Especially in their twenties.

The fact that you're not like that speaks volumes about your character, as far as I'm concerned.

I can relate to that, im a collage student too, and i just cant make any friends... no matter what i try, its just like they do want to be near me.

One time i told my class mates that i throwing a party and that they should come, most of them said they cant make it or just busy (maybe its true, cant really be sure) but there were like 10 people that agreed to come. and we agreed on 21:00.

So i took a day off, cleaned up my apartment, bought some drinks and ordered pizza, put some awesome music.... and waited... and waited... and waited... 2 people called and said that they got some thing better to do, 3 called and said that they wont come, and 5 of them just didnt showed up. =/ so i ate the pizza with my dog, got drunk and smoked 2 pacs of ciggaretes.

I felt so depressed and worthless that i didnt go to classes for 3 days. and when i finally did go i just got secluded into myself but i dont think that anyone was bothered by it.

But life goes on i guess... im just happy that my GF wasnt home so she didnt saw what a loser i am.