I am happy that you clicked on this thread because I honestly wanna know how you feel about me and my situation. I am going to cut out a LOT of things simply due to people not wanting to read much in general.
This is the first place I have come to at where I feel as if my sad honeysuckle of a life story could actually be heard. I would not dare tell it any where else. Please disregard the terrible grammar. This post is going to some what be hard to read seeing as how there will be time leaps and things not mentioned that would make things easier to understand.
I am not sure on where to start!
I was raised fat. Nothing more to it. My grandmother basically felt as if it was best to feed a child what ever and when ever they whined and the habit continued until I ballooned up to a near 400+ pounds. Their goes my chances of getting laid.
For most of my life I was heavy set and trying to break the mind set feels impossible at times. It was not until my early/mid 20s at when I decided to do something about it. I loss a mass majority of the weigh--down to 235 now and for a person that's over 6ft it does not look bad however, I am FAR from happy with my body.
Unfortunately no one told me that once you lose such a mass amount of weigh you are left with layers of disgusting lose skin.
No I wouldn't want to be that big again ever however, the loose skin came as a surprise and major disappointment to find out my only option would be to get surgery (EXPENSIVE!!! I still cannot afford it all and its putting me further into debt) that will leave deep scars all throughout my body. So although I lost a lot of the weigh no matter how much I work out I will still never be able to feel utterly comfortable with my body looking like Freedy Kugar spared my life. In really you do not have much of a choice. I was truly depressed being such a young guy and yet I have saggy (!) man breast protruding through my clothing.
Cannot seem to make/keep a friend if my life depended on it. I was going socially fine all throughout elementary school and a small portion of middle school.
That is until puberty came and the big secret of being an adult came into full circle. Sexuality!
I am gay. I always knew it however, it was never really spoken of where I came from. I just knew all of the guys my age where looking at porn and couldn't stop looking at women. Me, I just wanted to hang out with my friends! After a short while they distanced themselves (the guys from school and my family members).
Sure everyone found me 'funny' and 'smart' but that was never good enough. As time went on I really got a grasps of what social norms where and realized just how badly homosexuality was looked upon but WTF was i supposed to do! I could fake it for so long before it just got EXHAUSTING (!!) and with my lack of 'trophies' to show people knew....
The only thing that has ever worked in my favor is that im not feminine in anyway so im not immediately judged .However, I have always felt as if feminine gay men had it easier seeing as how they dont have to go through the 'wondering phase with straight people you KNOW they are gay just by looking at them and when they open their mouth its all the more clear. Speaking of other gay people--I have NOTHING in common with them. I have noticed the more and more I explore my sexuality (thanks to internet porn and hook up apps) I am extremely limited when it comes to sex. There are so many things I simply will not do and so many gay men that this. Even socially we are completely different things. I do NOT like Lady GaGa (Maybe 2-3 of her songs) nor am I a wild and crazy fan of Britney Spears (again maybe a few of her songs) and when they start talking in the lingo and they call each other 'girl' I just become annoyed and offended.
I have noticed that the guys I generally get along with are heterosexual however, I hate this whole 'coming out' honeysuckle it just dose not suite me. And besides sex is a strong constant in my mind--I am sure most herosexual men dont wanna hear about some of the wild and crazy things that go through my head although isnt that what friends do.
I just wish people knew. And besides its not like I have been all so welcoming. Generally when people try an get to know me I push them away. I just hate having the feeling of rejection due to my sexuality. It seems as if my sexuality has held me back from so much in my life I cannot help but KNOW that I am cursed. I say this because I can strike up a conversation with people, I am a nice guy and I do know how to carry myself . I can go on and on about how this has affected my life but it would be far to long for a single read.
I got a late start in academics.
The people who raised me didn't seem to care to much about eduction.
I had a role in to play in it as well.
Hey school started to suck big time when NOBODY no longer wanted to be my friend.Everyone was way to busy talking about TRYING to get sex (I was terrible at contributing to this conversation) and drugs
(I was great at making online friends on Xbox Live tho!).
I had to take an alternate route to finish up grade school (Cutting a LOT). Shortly after I went to a JC and I started from the VERY bottom (think subtraction and addition, I was rightfully placed into this) and with me withdrawing and failing (This hurt my GPA so much but I had no idea on what a GPA meant when I first started going to college) so many courses.
After a few years I finally transfer to a University and here I am now. Continuing this sad and pathetic life . What makes it even worse is I am in my late 20s now and everyone in life is else where. My cousins are having children (trust me they are no gems themselves) and due to them having children people support them more although they are liars, cheats and thieves (Oh I would love to touch on the subject of the pressure to have a child!).
Oh I never got to the topic of my sex life which is sad and conflicting.. So much I did not speak upon.
Ok Judge me. Lets hear it!
This is the first place I have come to at where I feel as if my sad honeysuckle of a life story could actually be heard. I would not dare tell it any where else. Please disregard the terrible grammar. This post is going to some what be hard to read seeing as how there will be time leaps and things not mentioned that would make things easier to understand.
I am not sure on where to start!
I was raised fat. Nothing more to it. My grandmother basically felt as if it was best to feed a child what ever and when ever they whined and the habit continued until I ballooned up to a near 400+ pounds. Their goes my chances of getting laid.
For most of my life I was heavy set and trying to break the mind set feels impossible at times. It was not until my early/mid 20s at when I decided to do something about it. I loss a mass majority of the weigh--down to 235 now and for a person that's over 6ft it does not look bad however, I am FAR from happy with my body.
Unfortunately no one told me that once you lose such a mass amount of weigh you are left with layers of disgusting lose skin.
No I wouldn't want to be that big again ever however, the loose skin came as a surprise and major disappointment to find out my only option would be to get surgery (EXPENSIVE!!! I still cannot afford it all and its putting me further into debt) that will leave deep scars all throughout my body. So although I lost a lot of the weigh no matter how much I work out I will still never be able to feel utterly comfortable with my body looking like Freedy Kugar spared my life. In really you do not have much of a choice. I was truly depressed being such a young guy and yet I have saggy (!) man breast protruding through my clothing.
Cannot seem to make/keep a friend if my life depended on it. I was going socially fine all throughout elementary school and a small portion of middle school.
That is until puberty came and the big secret of being an adult came into full circle. Sexuality!
I am gay. I always knew it however, it was never really spoken of where I came from. I just knew all of the guys my age where looking at porn and couldn't stop looking at women. Me, I just wanted to hang out with my friends! After a short while they distanced themselves (the guys from school and my family members).
Sure everyone found me 'funny' and 'smart' but that was never good enough. As time went on I really got a grasps of what social norms where and realized just how badly homosexuality was looked upon but WTF was i supposed to do! I could fake it for so long before it just got EXHAUSTING (!!) and with my lack of 'trophies' to show people knew....
The only thing that has ever worked in my favor is that im not feminine in anyway so im not immediately judged .However, I have always felt as if feminine gay men had it easier seeing as how they dont have to go through the 'wondering phase with straight people you KNOW they are gay just by looking at them and when they open their mouth its all the more clear. Speaking of other gay people--I have NOTHING in common with them. I have noticed the more and more I explore my sexuality (thanks to internet porn and hook up apps) I am extremely limited when it comes to sex. There are so many things I simply will not do and so many gay men that this. Even socially we are completely different things. I do NOT like Lady GaGa (Maybe 2-3 of her songs) nor am I a wild and crazy fan of Britney Spears (again maybe a few of her songs) and when they start talking in the lingo and they call each other 'girl' I just become annoyed and offended.
I have noticed that the guys I generally get along with are heterosexual however, I hate this whole 'coming out' honeysuckle it just dose not suite me. And besides sex is a strong constant in my mind--I am sure most herosexual men dont wanna hear about some of the wild and crazy things that go through my head although isnt that what friends do.
I just wish people knew. And besides its not like I have been all so welcoming. Generally when people try an get to know me I push them away. I just hate having the feeling of rejection due to my sexuality. It seems as if my sexuality has held me back from so much in my life I cannot help but KNOW that I am cursed. I say this because I can strike up a conversation with people, I am a nice guy and I do know how to carry myself . I can go on and on about how this has affected my life but it would be far to long for a single read.
I got a late start in academics.
The people who raised me didn't seem to care to much about eduction.
I had a role in to play in it as well.
Hey school started to suck big time when NOBODY no longer wanted to be my friend.Everyone was way to busy talking about TRYING to get sex (I was terrible at contributing to this conversation) and drugs
(I was great at making online friends on Xbox Live tho!).
I had to take an alternate route to finish up grade school (Cutting a LOT). Shortly after I went to a JC and I started from the VERY bottom (think subtraction and addition, I was rightfully placed into this) and with me withdrawing and failing (This hurt my GPA so much but I had no idea on what a GPA meant when I first started going to college) so many courses.
After a few years I finally transfer to a University and here I am now. Continuing this sad and pathetic life . What makes it even worse is I am in my late 20s now and everyone in life is else where. My cousins are having children (trust me they are no gems themselves) and due to them having children people support them more although they are liars, cheats and thieves (Oh I would love to touch on the subject of the pressure to have a child!).
Oh I never got to the topic of my sex life which is sad and conflicting.. So much I did not speak upon.
Ok Judge me. Lets hear it!