How i overcame shyness and what i learned from it

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Nicholas

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As a teenager i was very shy (even too much) and very secluded, very self-conscious, afraid to talk in class and girl problems and so on... Most of you know what i talking about.

So when i finished high school with the common achievement of not having a girlfriend, i knew that something need to change but i didn't know how and was too afraid to do anything about it anyway.
My primarily fear, that fueled my social anxiety, those years was "what would people think of me, am i weird? am i a loser? am i a nobody?" that lead to low self esteem and very poor self evaluation.

Many people tells us to just be ourselves, it may worked for others but it sure didn't worked for me.

After high school i started working as a dish washer at some restaurant, and it was painful. The manager treated me like crap, the kitchen workers and bartenders always made jokes at my expanse, the waitresses were so good looking that i was too afraid to even pass by them, literally one of the worst periods of my life.
But there was this bartender that was really cool and nice to me, i remember that i wished i was like him.
One night after i finished my work and started heading home, just before i left i heard him say to some costumers something like "Things wont change unless you change them" then he looked at me and winked. I went home and the one thought that got stuck in my head was his words "Things wont change unless you change them".

When i got home i immediately started looking everything that i could find on self changing. After 2 weeks of researching on self improvement, going alone to bars and coffee shop to observe peoples behavior, and studying all i can, I decided to take action.
I started to work out to improve my confidence and bit by bit pushing the borders of my comfort zone by talking to other people and strangers and putting myself in situations that i felt uncomfortable in (like taking time to decide what i want when there are a lot of people behind me, yea a douchbag move i know) which wasn't easy for me.

And it started to pay off, little by little i felt more secure, less shy and better with myself. After i resigned from my work (there is a story behind this, but ill save it from you) i took jobs that forced me to deal with people which way beyond my comfort zone. First i worked as a cashier ,then as waiter ,a barista, after that as a shift manager. In all the while little by little improving myself and setting new comfort borders... and then i was drafted into the army (no need to go there)

Today i go to a collage, work as a bartender on weekends and as work manager for a security company throughout the week. I have a beautiful girlfriend which i love and she loves me back. I don't afraid of people like i used to and i'm not afraid to speak up when i want to.

I didn't solved all my problem, i still don't have a single person that i can call a friend, a lot of times i feel that i'm being ignored by the people at my collage and taken for granted by few of my "close pals" ,i most of the time feel lonely and fight it by alcohol, games, anime and other hobbies, i may have some mental and balance problems and blah blah blah. But i feel that my life are a lot better now that i took this road.

So what i learned from my experience is:
1) Things wont change unless you change them.
2) No one can help you unless you help yourself first.
3) You need to push yourself out of your comfort zone.
4) Improve yourself but stay loyal to your values.
5) Stop being afraid of people and make them know that you can be as scary as they are (assertiveness is the best way).
6) People are stupid and would say anything to feel better about themselves so
don't mind those idiots that you that you know that not worth your time and don't be discouraged by them.

Thanks for your time.
 
Thanks for sharing, Nicholas. Glad that some things have worked out for you positively.
 

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