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rcal

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But, I need to put this down, maybe it will help, maybe it won't.

All my adult life (I'm in my 30s) I have tried to do the best for my kids and somehow always got it wrong.
Around about 5 years ago I got together with my boyfriend. It was awesome. Then we had a baby, who had problems when born, so he obviously became my priority.

But unbeknownst to me, my boyfriend had gotten himself an online girlfriend and a totally made up life online.

Because I made the mistakes in the past, I decided to stay with my boyfriend, Because of what happened we drift apart then seem to be ok then drift apart again.

For the last few weeks I have felt lonely again. the last time I felt lonely I didn't know what to do so I put it on gumtree and then people asked for money and sex 😏

So I found this place, but I need to get it off my chest. You know. I'm lonely. And maybe it's my fault.
 
Hi rcal, we all make mistakes, try not to give yourself too hard a time about it.

There are some lovely souls on here so hopefully this place can help you feel less lonely.
 
Welcome to the forum, rcal.

It sounds like you may be staying with him because it's familiar. Correct me if I'm wrong on that, but that's usually the way it works. My situation was different from yours, but the scenario was similar. It took me years after he left for me to reflect back and realize what I did. It wasn't because I was scared of being alone, but rather it was all I had. HE was all I had and I honestly believed that if he left, I wouldn't be able to find anyone else. I don't have anyone else (5 years later), but I'm okay with that. I'm focusing on myself and my kids.
Think about things and what you really want. Truly want. Is he the man you once knew, the man you once had a connection with? If the answer is no, then you need to think about going it alone, because you can't change him. "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is what everyone told me. In my case, it was true.
Good luck to you and always put your children first, as you have been. They are the important ones, they are your main priority.
 
I'm with him for a number of reasons. But mostly because I want my son to have a dad. My other children dint see their dad and it has damaged them.
I was single for a number of years and was ok with it, lonely sometimes but not lonely like this.
It's like friends living together once evening comes and parenting, sometimes though I just want to punch myself in the face or him. I just... I don't know.

Thanks for the replies 😊
 
rcal said:
I'm with him for a number of reasons. But mostly because I want my son to have a dad. My other children dint see their dad and it has damaged them.

I've seen that before, but having parents that aren't happy is sometimes worse for them than having only one parent. Would he not see your son if you weren't together?
 
Yes he would at a guess. But that's not my worry. My worry is that my son not seeing and be around his dad will give him the same issues as my other children have. I've been married, divorced and a single parent. So if I can prevent damage to my youngest as well as more damage to my elder children by stating with my boyfriend, then I will.
It's something I have decided, but by doing so I've become lonely. Not lonely in the day, or when I'm around people. It's the evenings.
 
Well, it's your choice what you do, but your kids will know you are not happy. They will pick up on it and that could "damage" them, as well.
Forcing yourself to be with someone for someone else will only make you worse. The majority of kids would be better off having one parent (or two separate parents) than two parents together that fight and/or are unhappy. You can say they are "damaged" all you want, but kids are resourceful. Yes, they will be sad and need time to adjust, but they can just as easily bounce back.
 

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