Why can't I fall in love or get crazy about any girl?

No I'm not gay, sexually I'm extremely attracted to girls.

But for some reason I have never managed to become crazy about any girl, like some guys do. I've seen guys doing things for the girl that could embarrass them, humiliate them, but I just could never make a sense out of those actions.

I have had crushes, but that's just about it, I never felt deep love which would make me pursue or cry for the girl. Of course me being originally a sub-continental guy living in Europe hasn't made it easier to really become intimate with girls in Europe(cultural difference plays a role), but still I haven't found any girl where I could say "She is the one, I must do something about her or I will regret for life".

May be you could say I'm not romantic enough or emotional enough, but on the other hand it's the lack emotional connection that still prevents me from having a sexual relationship with any girl. I cannot imagine having sex with a girl without love being there, but I don't fall in love. I find it so difficult to fall in love.

Is this normal? Or am I actually misunderstanding "falling in love"?

Love doesn't always happen just like that. Sometimes you need to really get to know a person and date them before you will fall in love. You also have to LET yourself fall in love. From your posts, it kind of sounds like you hold yourself back from having relationships. A lot of that could have something to do with the negativity you throw around.
Now, think about this....do you feel like you are worth falling in love with and loving someone? I'm not saying you aren't, I want to know how YOU feel about it.

I don't think it's unusual. Not everyone falls head over heels, even if they were in love, loving on someone. My guy also does not do things that some may consider typical. He's not one to trip over his tongue trying to be sweet. So, I would say it's okay to be that way. Who knows, you may change when you do meet that one person you love, but you may not. And it's okay if you don't. You know where you stand, and hopefully whoever you gravitate towards will know too, and that's all that matters.

TheRealCallie said:

Love doesn't always happen just like that. Sometimes you need to really get to know a person and date them before you will fall in love. You also have to LET yourself fall in love. From your posts, it kind of sounds like you hold yourself back from having relationships. A lot of that could have something to do with the negativity you throw around.
Now, think about this....do you feel like you are worth falling in love with and loving someone? I'm not saying you aren't, I want to know how YOU feel about it.

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Yes, I do think it's worth it, but I can't seem find that special connection with anyone.

Oh, friend, the million dollar question is not whether you can fall in love but whether you can fall in love with the right person, at the right time, under the right circumstances. Now THAT, is hard.

Actually all aspects of the equation are hard and bringing them together to make a complete picture is even harder!

As said, it's not unusual. We're not always ready to fall in love, the person must be something special to us, to have that spark that will ignite the love.

Feeling like a girl is worth falling in love with means nothing, you cant force yourself to feel it! And everyone shows their love differently, some people are open and clear about it, doing everything for their partner, being romantic and sweet, while others are more introverted, they dont show it so much but still feel it.

ordinaryDude said:

TheRealCallie said:

Love doesn't always happen just like that. Sometimes you need to really get to know a person and date them before you will fall in love. You also have to LET yourself fall in love. From your posts, it kind of sounds like you hold yourself back from having relationships. A lot of that could have something to do with the negativity you throw around.
Now, think about this....do you feel like you are worth falling in love with and loving someone? I'm not saying you aren't, I want to know how YOU feel about it.

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Yes, I do think it's worth it, but I can't seem find that special connection with anyone.

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No, not is it worth falling is love, but do you feel YOU are worthy of love.

TheRealCallie said:

No, not is it worth falling is love, but do you feel YOU are worthy of love.

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Personally I do feel I'm worthy of love, because deep inside I'm an extremely caring, honest person. Yes, I'm very single minded, strong-willed and at times very stubborn, but I always try to maintain justice with myself and with the people I interact.

Recently a girl fell in love with me, but I didn't, on top of that, I thought we have many major differences which could cause unhappiness in the long term, and I thought it would be unfair on her because I couldn't reciprocate her love for me. So, I let her go away from my life, which hurt her so badly, and I also felt deeply hurt because despite trying so much I just couldn't grow feelings for her.

That's why I'm kinda sad about why I couldn't just get crazy about her. A person fell in love with me and I had to let her go. I found that disappointing.

He's not one to trip over his tongue trying to be sweet.

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I'm like this too. I don't see the point in wooing women, or being dubious. Some women really swoon for a guy who is confident in himself and doesn't act like a simp. Some women love more sweet and sensitive cats. I see myself/everyone as a mixture of both, some people lean more towards one side doe... I dunno... That honeysuckle is lame to me. There needs to be a mutual, 2 way relationship there IMO

But for some reason I have never managed to become crazy about any girl, like some guys do. I've seen guys doing things for the girl that could embarrass them, humiliate them, but I just could never make a sense out of those actions.

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You have to get to know a chick first. Find the aspects of her character that you are attracted to in a direct way. Merely being infatuated from an outside perspective is only the first step. You might fall madly in love with a girl when you both get to know each other better.

What you described is true love, yo!



^but in order for that to work. She needs to treat you like a king too... :/

I have had crushes, but that's just about it, I never felt deep love which would make me pursue or cry for the girl. Of course me being originally a sub-continental guy living in Europe hasn't made it easier to really become intimate with girls in Europe(cultural difference plays a role), but still I haven't found any girl where I could say "She is the one, I must do something about her or I will regret for life".

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I've been there. Met a girl online and talked for a couple years, met up and hit it off... I got so attached to this girl that I wasn't even in a relationship with... but was very close friends with. She's like a big sister to me. I went through a long period of MAJOR depression because I dearly love her and she had gotten married to another man (I was happy af for her but sad for myself because I felt so deeply about her and loved her personality). They got divorced after a year and we were going to go on a trip to Palm Springs to travel all around in caravans and be together in an innocent platonic (with benifits) type way... It never panned out though...

I suppose this all could be seen as seeing her as "an object" with which I could "get", but it was nothing like that... She was my first love. My first kiss, and I lost my virginity to her... I thought about her for every waking moment, I cried everyday, and made 2 suicide attempts. Ultimately this was for the best. She's an amazing young woman. Aspiring to be like her really pushed me and gave me the motivation to improve my life. The ordeal taught me how to deal with and get over rejection and not getting what I wanted. I've since moved on for the most part...

This is all something that will take courage and perseverance to deal with. When you do find that girl, you might go through the same thing eventually. Don't be scared. Hardships make you a stronger person, bruh.

Maybe you could say I'm not romantic enough or emotional enough, but on the other hand it's the lack emotional connection that still prevents me from having a sexual relationship with any girl. I cannot imagine having sex with a girl without love being there, but I don't fall in love. I find it so difficult to fall in love.

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This is a great quality to have. While I don't see anything wrong with casual sex, a lot of people are like this. It's the best way to be. You just feel dirty after a one night stand with someone you don't trust or care about. This is why the sex trade is really ******* sick to me. That honeysuckle can ruin people... That's a whole 'nother story though. Off-topic... .__.

Is this normal? Or am I actually misunderstanding "falling in love"?

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I was a late bloomer too. I didn't GAF about love or relationships until I was 19 (when all that stuff happened). You will become infatuated and fall in love eventually once you raise your self-esteem and put yourself out there, dawg.

Best of luck.

Sincerely,

Drix (FauxReaL)

ordinaryDude said:

TheRealCallie said:

No, not is it worth falling is love, but do you feel YOU are worthy of love.

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Personally I do feel I'm worthy of love, because deep inside I'm an extremely caring, honest person. Yes, I'm very single minded, strong-willed and at times very stubborn, but I always try to maintain justice with myself and with the people I interact.

Recently a girl fell in love with me, but I didn't, on top of that, I thought we have many major differences which could cause unhappiness in the long term, and I thought it would be unfair on her because I couldn't reciprocate her love for me. So, I let her go away from my life, which hurt her so badly, and I also felt deeply hurt because despite trying so much I just couldn't grow feelings for her.

That's why I'm kinda sad about why I couldn't just get crazy about her. A person fell in love with me and I had to let her go. I found that disappointing.

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It's good that you feel you are worth being loved and loving sometimes. But, because you admit that you can be stubborn, you could possibly be unconsciously blocking yourself from letting yourself fall in love or even get close to someone. It's something to think about.

How long were you with the girl who fell in love with you before you broke it off? Did you LIKE her, have fun with her and all that?

ordinaryDude said:

TheRealCallie said:

No, not is it worth falling is love, but do you feel YOU are worthy of love.

Click to expand...

Personally I do feel I'm worthy of love, because deep inside I'm an extremely caring, honest person. Yes, I'm very single minded, strong-willed and at times very stubborn, but I always try to maintain justice with myself and with the people I interact.

Recently a girl fell in love with me, but I didn't, on top of that, I thought we have many major differences which could cause unhappiness in the long term, and I thought it would be unfair on her because I couldn't reciprocate her love for me. So, I let her go away from my life, which hurt her so badly, and I also felt deeply hurt because despite trying so much I just couldn't grow feelings for her.

That's why I'm kinda sad about why I couldn't just get crazy about her. A person fell in love with me and I had to let her go. I found that disappointing.

Click to expand...

You can't help what you feel. I have this problem. I'll go on a date, and think....oh this guy is fun, and then hang out with him for a bit. But what seems to happen is that they want to jump into a relationship because they like me more than I feel for them. Use to I would get stuck in a relationship I didn't wanna be in because I would feel bad for dumping them. But then when it came to dumping them, it just got worse because I lead them on. I am now more mature and brave enough to reject people.

I really don't know how to make the full falling in love thing happens. I have a boyfriend now, and I love being around him. When I spend a few days away from him, I miss him. I never have had that with a guy before. Don't ask me how it happened though, because I am clueless.

TheRealCallie said:

It's good that you feel you are worth being loved and loving sometimes. But, because you admit that you can be stubborn, you could possibly be unconsciously blocking yourself from letting yourself fall in love or even get close to someone. It's something to think about.

How long were you with the girl who fell in love with you before you broke it off? Did you LIKE her, have fun with her and all that?

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I was with her like 2 months and a half months. Initially she and I had some arguments about some philosophical matters, but overtime she started to think I'm charming and whatnot, whereas I didn't feel that much attracted to her. I liked talking to her, and she is fun to go out with, but I never felt head over heels about her like the way she felt about me.