The "I'm too busy" treatment

I've really had it with this s**t. You call someone to meet up, he throws the I'm too busy excuse. You then lower your expectations and simply send them a message, which they never answer. When they do eventually answer, after quite some time might I add, they say, i'm sorry i was too busy. Ugh.

Let me set this straight.

Unless you work 2 jobs, have 4 kids, go to college for your degree and don't have a telephone, or unless you're the f****ing president, you are never "too busy" to devote 10 seconds of your time to answer a message. Now, I'm not saying that people can't really be that busy at times, but when you have this happen over 3-4 times with the same person, then it's simply an excuse and they actually want nothing to do with you. No one is too busy to act like a decent human being to his friends.

Sorry for the rant, I guess I've had it with this. I would like to hear your opinions, though. Have you ever had this happen to you? Have you ever done it to avoid someone? Am I overreacting? (keep in mind that this particular friend pulled this off more than a dozen times). Let me hear what you think.

ROFL XD... well youre not alone on this one. and i agree about what you said "and they actually want nothing to do with you"... so what i do is, if it happens two times in a row, i just "delete" them from my life. I mean delete their number, stop talking to them at all, and if i can i even forget they even exist.

Yeah been there before, and the only time they are not "too busy" is when they want something from you.

Your (the two of you) interest levels are mismatched. I wouldn't waste time ascribing motives or trying to deduce the root causes. Either adjust your interest level to match the other or move on.

Yeah, that was very rude of him, Seeker.

This can go two ways: It can be true, said person can be busy, or said person can be lying. I'd be careful when approaching situations like this in the future, Lord knows I've fallen victim to this thought train. . If the person was actually too busy, unless it was important, it wouldn't take anything but a few seconds to write "Can't, busy, sorry." I think that said person just isn't interested in establishing further social contact with you. Which is completely fine, hey, you're not a gold coin which everyone can love. :club:

Anyway, my advice: Ask him about times when he is free to meet up, then you shall discover his true reasons for evading you.

Ak5 said:

Ask him about times when he is free to meet up, then you shall discover his true reasons for evading you.

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Great advice, done that just now, I don't expect her to answer soon though (she must be "too busy" )

Nicholas said:

ROFL XD... well youre not alone on this one. and i agree about what you said "and they actually want nothing to do with you"... so what i do is, if it happens two times in a row, i just "delete" them from my life. I mean delete their number, stop talking to them at all, and if i can i even forget they even exist.

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Yep.
Unless they are a doctor working in the ER, or a heart surgeon, no one gets a pass for a failure to respond to a request.
No response = my guarantee to never answer or contact again, no matter what.

Yes. And never assume the reason a person isn't responding is out of dislike or disrespect. Sometimes, it's because the world is literally imploding around him or her.

Seeker_2.0 said:

Ak5 said:

Ask him about times when he is free to meet up, then you shall discover his true reasons for evading you.

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Great advice, done that just now, I don't expect her to answer soon though (she must be "too busy" )

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ohhhhhhh its a she.... you should have said it before =| lol good luck with that.

Or it could be that, for whatever reason they won't give you, they just don't want to talk to you anymore.
Sometimes people would rather ignore you than tell you to piss off. Maybe to avoid hurting your feelings?

Or, like others have suggested, they might actually just be REALLY busy. Life gets in the way of communicating with people sometimes.

Is it possible that she could genuinely be very busy and stressed out? Or maybe she doesn't have her phone switched on very often and so doesn't read your messages when you send them? I plead guilty to this second one, as I often have mine switched off.
Or maybe you are her 'fall back' friend, the one she comes to when her other friends are 'too busy' for her.

EveWasFramed said:

Or it could be that, for whatever reason they won't give you, they just don't want to talk to you anymore.
Sometimes people would rather ignore you than tell you to piss off. Maybe to avoid hurting your feelings?

Or, like others have suggested, they might actually just be REALLY busy. Life gets in the way of communicating with people sometimes.

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I don't think so Eve, since she has been pulling this off for years. Nobody can be that busy 24/7, 365 days a year, without a few seconds to answer a message.

I must be her fallback friend and it's time to cut her off, I guess.

Well.. let me be honest.. I particularly use this "am busy" treatment quiet alot. But if that is a real urgent case I don't think I will ever say "sorry, I am busy"..so far i have never said but anyways let me list down the moments when I happen to use this treatment..
1. When I am too engrossed in doing something
2. When I am too bored to reply
3. When I don't like chatting that person
4. When I am very bad mood/hurt
OR
5. When I am really really really BUSY!

I guess on my part I am fair with that treatment except for no. 2.. sorry bou that but am being honest!

I get the "busy" treatment all the time. It sucks.

the "i'm too busy" treatment along with the silent treatment are absolute dealbreakers for me. i completely agree, unless you work 2 jobs and have 4 kids, you're just rude if you can't take 10 seconds to respond. my little brother works 80 hours/week, has 2 little kids, a demanding wife an hour commute, lots of other friends he keeps in touch with, etc and i'm beyond impressed he still calls me for an hour each week, texts me, emails me and doesn't forget my birthdays.

i found that once you set your boundaries though and tell them that you can't be friends anymore because they can't make responding to you anything close to a priority in their "busy" lives... once you cut them out, write them off, seriously just forget about them... if they miss you and enjoyed your company, their time magically frees up a bit more. if they stay silent, they're obviously unreachable (could be depression/jealously/other issues) or just don't care for whatever reason.

It could be a calculated move to assert dominance within the confines of the friendship. It sounds extremely petty, I know, but it might give your friend a sense of power to perpetually ignore your attempts at communication.

Or maybe your friend is a crack-addicted prostitute.

I'm not entirely sure why, but I made an exception of one person by not cutting her off after all of it. Maybe it's because I was new to this kind of thing. Never before had I found myself in a situation of working to build a close friendship with someone who had an affinity for playing me.

There can be no more exceptions.

lifestream said:

It could be a calculated move to assert dominance within the confines of the friendship. It sounds extremely petty, I know, but it might give your friend a sense of power to perpetually ignore your attempts at communication.

Or maybe your friend is a crack-addicted prostitute.

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This actually made me laugh

I get it too. I also think the same you do, Seeker. I think that no matter how busy someone is, they could at least return a message or a call or at that moment, send a message to say they can't talk right now. Often times, when people ignore me, I don't hear back from them for a long long time and the excuse doesn't always feel justified.

Think I've pretty much given up expecting people to respond promptly, or even care to respond to me. If they don't, then fresia it. I did my part, I try my best.

Sci-Fi said:

Yeah been there before, and the only time they are not "too busy" is when they want something from you.

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SophiaGrace said:

I get the "busy" treatment all the time. It sucks.

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ladyforsaken said:

Think I've pretty much given up expecting people to respond promptly, or even care to respond to me. If they don't, then fresia it. I did my part, I try my best.

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^ Ditto.