Am I being petty?

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Tiina63

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I bought a new good quality carpet for my hall several months ago and since then mine has been a 'no outside shoes indoors' house as I want the carpet to stay decent. I told my friend about this and so when she came today I expected her to slip off her shoes just inside the door. She refused, saying that she had missed a bus and had to get another one and so felt too hassled. So I asked her to wait by the door so I could put newspaper down on the carpet (I do this when I take my shopping trolley out to the supermarket). Anyway, she walked up the hall still in her shoes instead of waiting by the door and kept them on. I put newspaper down in the hall before we left. I said that we will meet elsewhere in future because of this. (She hardly ever comes to my house and we normally meet elsewhere, so it isn't a major change). But it has left me feeling that she didn't respect me or my home. Am I being petty in feeling this way or would you (reading this) feel this way as well? I don't have a greatd eal of money and the carpet is a good one.
I meant to put this in miscellaneous. Perhaps a moderator could move it for me as I don't know how to do this?
 
Tiina63 said:
I bought a new good quality carpet for my hall several months ago and since then mine has been a 'no outside shoes indoors' house as I want the carpet to stay decent. I told my friend about this and so when she came today I expected her to slip off her shoes just inside the door. She refused, saying that she had missed a bus and had to get another one and so felt too hassled. So I asked her to wait by the door so I could put newspaper down on the carpet (I do this when I take my shopping trolley out to the supermarket). Anyway, she walked up the hall still in her shoes instead of waiting by the door and kept them on. I put newspaper down in the hall before we left. I said that we will meet elsewhere in future because of this. (She hardly ever comes to my house and we normally meet elsewhere, so it isn't a major change). But it has left me feeling that she didn't respect me or my home. Am I being petty in feeling this way or would you (reading this) feel this way as well? I don't have a greatd eal of money and the carpet is a good one.
I meant to put this in miscellaneous. Perhaps a moderator could move it for me as I don't know how to do this?

She should have taken her shoes off straight away. It's your house and your carpet.
 
she expected you to respect the fact she was in a hurry, without respecting your wish to take her shoes off or wait. I'd be annoyed/mad if I was you
 
Your house, your rules. I doubt you would go to her home and impose yourself like that. Tell her not to go to Japan - everyone there removes their shoes when entering!

-Teresa
 
One's house is one's kingdom, I always say. You make the rules, your visitors should respect them. I can't really blame you for being upset.
 
Moved.

And yes she totally disrespected your house. Who wears their shoes in the house anyway that's just dirty. Your shoes are NOT clean even if you wipe them off. Imagine the bacteria and grime hidden on the souls. Animals urinate everywhere, birds crap everywhere, not to mention people spitting on the sidewalks, garbage, oil, gas, and anything else you can imagine. Even if you don't see it doesn't mean it isn't there, not like the outside world gets scrubbed and sterilized. My grandpa and his second wife used to walk around their house (and ours when they would visit) with their shoes on. We did not, we don't do that. My mom wouldn't really say anything to them since we never saw them often. But it was disgusting and not very respectful IMHO. People need to respect other peoples homes when in them.
 
You know one day when I get a house of my own I can assure you its gonna be a wreck.. probably it will look like a heap of garbage with rot all over the place. That is what people gonna think but for me my house is my castle, my playground, my place of belonging and my comfort along with its complete course of obstacles scattered all over. It is not petty when you think the way you think coz where your home is where you belong and that is where your gonna stand no matter what people think.. When someone else visits ur place they should learn to respect what is not theirs. So do not worry.. it is not a big deal. You are not wrong here..
 
Thank you all for your support.
Sofias mami-funnily enough a Japanese friend called this morning and she removed her shoes automatically, as I do when I go to her place.
Rcal and SphiaGrace-I think as well that she was rude. I have noticed that she is diffident with many people, but for some reason she sometimes thinks she can have this attitude towards me. I guess it is similar with a bully who cringes away from people who are stronger and then bullies those who are weaker. I am not saying she is a bully, it is just an analogy.
Seeker-I agree that it should be my house my rules. She has even said this herself in ref. to other people.


Thank you TB and evretot as well. I agree that she should either have taken her shoes off or have waited.
SciFi thank you for moving my post. THis is what I think as well-shoes can look clean but in reality they are covered with all kins of stuff from the street.
 
No, that's not petty. I grew up the same way with the shoes in the house thing. My mom is still big on it. Anybody who enters your home should take off their shoes to be respectful. It doesn't take much effort to put shoes back on.
 
Seriously. Around these parts, that would be cause for an ass-whoopin in some circles. I once punched a guest for bitching because I gave him a Basic brand cigarette rather than a Marlboro brand cigarette. Of course, we were all drunk. But the moral of the story is a free cigarette is a free cigarette. House rules.
 
yes it was rude. I have the same issue bout my sofas and people wait until i put the blankets down.
 
I knew only one woman who did the same (I have the same no shoes policy for many years now), and she turned out to be quite a toxic person. Not sure the two things are connected, but it is possible.
 
Pretty much agree with what the others have said. I don't have my shoes on at home. As Sci-Fi put it, it's really dirty.
 
The ass whooping sounds good, but I don't think I will do it. It did make me laugh though, so thank you for writing it.
Peaches-there have been other things as well which have made me think that this friend is toxic to a degree. It's just that, as we all know only too well on here, when you are deeply lonely, the choice may be a friendship that isn't great or no friendship. I have ended other friendships which were really bad, but this one does have good points as well.
I agree VC, that taking shoes off and putting them back on takes no effort.
 
It was most definitely rude.

I have a friend who requests that visitors take off their shoes at his home's entrance even though it is not a customary practice where I live. However, it is the price of admission into his home. If you want to walk on any carpeting in his house, then shoes must be removed. Fortunately, I have never seen anyone defy his wishes.
 

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