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3elm

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I am a loner. My family was abusive so I left them. I tried going out on my own and really messed my 20s up hanging around with scumbags. Now I am in my 30's and I have no friends and no family to rely on.

Luckily I am able to find work, but living alone is frightening. It's hard to see things in the way other do because other people have friends. You can't be yourself, because it looks strange. But you can't be the people that they want you to be. It scares them badly to think that they would lose their friends.

I came from a violent family where the parents were to be treated as perfect. There was no deviation allowed from this. Even the slightest critique was enough to throw either parent into an uncontrollable rage. This was absolutely terrifying and I learned to live in isolation and in a facade.

After leaving them, even going out there and a pretense of confidence did not overcome the fear or the facade. This led to consistent disasters until I decided to abandon having friends.

Over the last several years, I have decided that I am not worthy of being alive. So every spare moment away from work I put myself in a kind of containment. In a way I simply gave up on being alive.

It has taken time to understand having no friends and no family is not normal. I didn't even know that this was something people did. Everyone around you has family and friends. Not even the most fringe people I know have no family and no friends.

Recently I injured my head and went to the hospital, and the doctor asked me if I could stay at a friend or family member's place just to keep an eye on me. He could not believe that I had no friends and no family. I had to explain several times to convince him. So he sent me for additional tests to make sure I was alright. Even then he was not able to accept I had absolutely no friends.

It is not normal to live like this. But I will not let myself off the hook. I deserve having no friends. It is all my fault.

I am not going to stop condemning myself. All the chances were there. It is all my fault.
 
No one deserves to have no friends. There are people out there that can and will care for you, you just have to let them. You didn't get into WHY you have no friends and I'm not going to ask. But, just remember that your past may have helped shape who you are today, but it doesn't define you unless you let it. Tomorrow is a new day. Let go of the past and make something better for yourself. Instead of punishing yourself, why not help people instead? There are always more chances, you just have to take them.
 
TheRealCallie said:
No one deserves to have no friends. There are people out there that can and will care for you, you just have to let them. You didn't get into WHY you have no friends and I'm not going to ask. But, just remember that your past may have helped shape who you are today, but it doesn't define you unless you let it. Tomorrow is a new day. Let go of the past and make something better for yourself. Instead of punishing yourself, why not help people instead? There are always more chances, you just have to take them.
Click to expand...

I could not have put it better than this. Don't let your past overpower you 3elm. I know it will be hard to forget those bad moments I had too. But at the bright side, you found this place which itself is a miracle. We have some very good people here who will be your good friend in no time if only you let them come closer to you.

Can I advice something ? Drop by here when you want to say something. There will always be someone here If not me. and If you don't find anyone here at that time which is rare. There is a little section we have here where you can write everything you want but don't reveal anything personal though. Just write what you want to say. I think it will help. Or...

You can PM me If you want to talk really really really bad though I come at various times here.
 
3elm said:
Recently I injured my head and went to the hospital, and the doctor asked me if I could stay at a friend or family member's place just to keep an eye on me. He could not believe that I had no friends and no family. I had to explain several times to convince him. So he sent me for additional tests to make sure I was alright. Even then he was not able to accept I had absolutely no friends.
Click to expand...

Please don't take that too much to heart. I feel that doctors don't like to hear that because then they ethically may be forced to keep you at an expense to the hospital etc. So they really try to guilt you into finding someone. I work in the law (criminal) and trust me, there are many people that don't have friends or family.

I am 43 and my parents are dead. For a while now. It is always painful to me when someone assumes that isn't the case and says something like, are you going to visit your parents for the holiday? I get this look on my face like a deer in the headlights. What exactly can you say? And when you tell them your parents are dead, they always apologize like crazy. It is painful.

I guess I have family but I don't talk to them really. I would not call them in case of an emergency.

I mentioned a web site yesterday for "platonic" matches (in a thread about new businesses) this could be something I know there is a great need for. I know several people who are worried about the idea of growing old without one other person. For the moment though, there ARE services. From Task Rabbit to CNAs to "care.com" that you can call for people to come help you out. I will have to get a colonoscopy done when I hit 50 and the only person I can call is one of those services.
 
I am a loner. My family was abusive so I left them.
Click to expand...

I get the not talking to family because they are nuts part, what I don't get is the I deserve no friends part. Why you say that?
 
we are your friends ! see we are posting on your thread. and we'll be here to help you. past always bad i had a bit same as you but i try so hard to get rid away from it. i know its hard to feel ok but i want you to be in communication with us.

PenDragon said:
TheRealCallie said:
No one deserves to have no friends. There are people out there that can and will care for you, you just have to let them. You didn't get into WHY you have no friends and I'm not going to ask. But, just remember that your past may have helped shape who you are today, but it doesn't define you unless you let it. Tomorrow is a new day. Let go of the past and make something better for yourself. Instead of punishing yourself, why not help people instead? There are always more chances, you just have to take them.
Click to expand...

I could not have put it better than this. Don't let your past overpower you 3elm. I know it will be hard to forget those bad moments I had too. But at the bright side, you found this place which itself is a miracle. We have some very good people here who will be your good friend in no time if only you let them come closer to you.

Can I advice something ? Drop by here when you want to say something. There will always be someone here If not me. and If you don't find anyone here at that time which is rare. There is a little section we have here where you can write everything you want but don't reveal anything personal though. Just write what you want to say. I think it will help. Or...

You can PM me If you want to talk really really really bad though I come at various times here.
Click to expand...

its sucks. wait for miracle
 
Hello 3elm, I am really sorry that you are so alone in the world. When you are isolated it does feel like you're the only one who has absolutely noone and that everyone else is surrounded by a huge support network of family and friends. But in reality many people have noone. Often many of us feel embarrassed to admit how alone we are. Or, when others are talking about their full lives, we sit quietly, hoping that noone will notice that we aren't joining in. So you aren't alone in being alone.
I found that medical staff do always react this way when you say you have noone. Have never understood why, though LonelySutton has presented an interesting opinion which had never occured to me before.
 
3elm said:
I am a loner. My family was abusive so I left them. I tried going out on my own and really messed my 20s up hanging around with scumbags. Now I am in my 30's and I have no friends and no family to rely on.

Luckily I am able to find work, but living alone is frightening. It's hard to see things in the way other do because other people have friends. You can't be yourself, because it looks strange. But you can't be the people that they want you to be. It scares them badly to think that they would lose their friends.

I came from a violent family where the parents were to be treated as perfect. There was no deviation allowed from this. Even the slightest critique was enough to throw either parent into an uncontrollable rage. This was absolutely terrifying and I learned to live in isolation and in a facade.

After leaving them, even going out there and a pretense of confidence did not overcome the fear or the facade. This led to consistent disasters until I decided to abandon having friends.

Over the last several years, I have decided that I am not worthy of being alive. So every spare moment away from work I put myself in a kind of containment. In a way I simply gave up on being alive.

It has taken time to understand having no friends and no family is not normal. I didn't even know that this was something people did. Everyone around you has family and friends. Not even the most fringe people I know have no family and no friends.

Recently I injured my head and went to the hospital, and the doctor asked me if I could stay at a friend or family member's place just to keep an eye on me. He could not believe that I had no friends and no family. I had to explain several times to convince him. So he sent me for additional tests to make sure I was alright. Even then he was not able to accept I had absolutely no friends.

It is not normal to live like this. But I will not let myself off the hook. I deserve having no friends. It is all my fault.

I am not going to stop condemning myself. All the chances were there. It is all my fault.
Click to expand...

I can relate to a lot of what you say, but you are focussing on the negatives. Do you have any hobbies or interest that could be used as a way of getting to know people?
 
Well, I think you're an incrediblely strong person. Have you ever wondered why some of us endure certain battles? I do. You're no different than the entire human race, I have a small family and at times am so lonely because we have separate lives...

So lots of pictures eople with bigger families might even feel this alone too. To seek out is natural, so best of luck 🍀
 
3elm said:
I am a loner. My family was abusive so I left them. I tried going out on my own and really messed my 20s up hanging around with scumbags. Now I am in my 30's and I have no friends and no family to rely on.

Luckily I am able to find work, but living alone is frightening. It's hard to see things in the way other do because other people have friends. You can't be yourself, because it looks strange. But you can't be the people that they want you to be. It scares them badly to think that they would lose their friends.

I came from a violent family where the parents were to be treated as perfect. There was no deviation allowed from this. Even the slightest critique was enough to throw either parent into an uncontrollable rage. This was absolutely terrifying and I learned to live in isolation and in a facade.

After leaving them, even going out there and a pretense of confidence did not overcome the fear or the facade. This led to consistent disasters until I decided to abandon having friends.

Over the last several years, I have decided that I am not worthy of being alive. So every spare moment away from work I put myself in a kind of containment. In a way I simply gave up on being alive.

It has taken time to understand having no friends and no family is not normal. I didn't even know that this was something people did. Everyone around you has family and friends. Not even the most fringe people I know have no family and no friends.

Recently I injured my head and went to the hospital, and the doctor asked me if I could stay at a friend or family member's place just to keep an eye on me. He could not believe that I had no friends and no family. I had to explain several times to convince him. So he sent me for additional tests to make sure I was alright. Even then he was not able to accept I had absolutely no friends.

It is not normal to live like this. But I will not let myself off the hook. I deserve having no friends. It is all my fault.

I am not going to stop condemning myself. All the chances were there. It is all my fault.
Click to expand...

Play Ingress…you'll make friends that way. :)
 
3elm you can hardly hold yourself responsible for destructive parenting...you deserve to have friends....maybe there are family members with whom you can have a more positive relationship other than your parents ?
 
Just about the hardest thing in the world sometimes...I wish there was an easy solution but I've yet to find it.....no one deserves to have this kind of misfortune...it's so sad that the people who are often most destructive are those related to you...and take everything away from you...maybe it's because they themselves are damaged...I'm not even capable of attempting to seek answers any longer ...it's a pointless pursuit and I have no wish to entertain excuses for those I know to be responsible.. usually I'm quite resilient...but tonight...I just want to go to sleep and not give it any further thought...I'm so totally sickened of chasing shadows that always elude my grasp.
 
Seeker_2.0 said:
I can't get past the doctor not believing that you have no one. Hmph.
Click to expand...

I don't know why this happens, but I too have found that medical staff are always incredulous when you say you have no family. Although it is unusual, it is not all that rare to be without family, so they must encounter a number of patients in this situation, yet they always react as if you are the first and only one they have ever met. It makes you feel even more alone and on the edges of society.
 
I with with you. At present a friend of mine is in hospital again-we belong to the same Aspergers support group-and he also has no family. Most times when I visit at least one nurse asks me if I am a relative.
 
I am the same too. My mother is pretty dead to me. She is all I have.
People don't brlieve me sometimes when I say I have 0 friends but these days they do..i seem to "look the part" of being a reject.
I wish you could be my friend but even rejects reject me so that won't work....
 
I am sorry, I am new here, what is the difference between this Quick Reply thingy and the New reply thingy?

Anyway, I feel for you all who say you have no one. I think society nowadays tends to isolate people.

Eternitydreamer, I have read several of your posts and you seem like a very sensitive and caring person.

I think sometimes it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy, I think I am going to be rejected and so therefore I act that way and then I am rejected. I think people are a whole lot more cruel these days too. Sometimes too, I think people are too hard on themselves. I meet people all the time that I wish could just relax and be themselves, instead it seems they put up this front and it comes across as false and therefore you just can't relax with them either.

I don't really know if I was ever shy, but I made up my mind a long time ago that I wasn't going to give a (hmmm, can you say bad words here?) about what people thought of me, life is too short and I am too worthy, intelligent, creative, smart, nice etc.

I do tend to run on - but I guess my message is that you are worthy - you ALL are worthy. I have NEVER met a person I didn't find interesting, unique and fun. I think you may just not be around people who give you a chance.

Is there a spellcheck?
 

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