How does a person stop feeling like they are worthless?

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SophiaGrace

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I've been trying to figure this out, because this is how i feel. I feel as if I have no worth as a person or place in the world. I know i have a place with my mother and I love my mom. I know she loves me too. So, that's a place I have, but besides that I don't have any sense of self worth or self esteem.

I'm so tired of this too. Of thinking that I have no future and no place, no skills or special attributes. Hell, I almost feel similar to how cumulus.james feels it seems. I've decided to take a leave of absence from grad school.

I just feel broken and people in real life are seeing it as discouragement and/or being burnt out. It feels more than that though. I really feel as though I've had the snot kicked out of me recently.

I just want to know, how do I gain some semblance of self-worth? I mean, the self-worth that doesnt say "I'm better than you, so hah." But…something, you know?

How do i combat these negative thoughts?

I was laying in bed earlier after feeling exhausted. I meditated a little using a buddhist meditation app on my phone and it allowed me to at least fall asleep. I just don't know how…other than to self-calm using meditation…how to sway my thoughts so I feel I have some future and some hope in my life. I don't want to be condemned to this angst forever.

I'm tired of it. I deserve something good, don't I?
 
If you find the answer, Soph, please, let me know.
For me, it is like my reservoir of self confidence / self esteem has been leaking contents for decades - cracks turned into gaping holes by bad relationships. I rush around trying to plug the leaks - sometimes I can manage, but other times, they just keep on leaking. I'm at the point where I seriously question why am i still bothering to fix something, when every time i try, it only makes it worse?
 
ABrokenMan said:
If you find the answer, Soph, please, let me know.
For me, it is like my reservoir of self confidence / self esteem has been leaking contents for decades - cracks turned into gaping holes by bad relationships. I rush around trying to plug the leaks - sometimes I can manage, but other times, they just keep on leaking. I'm at the point where I seriously question why am i still bothering to fix something, when every time i try, it only makes it worse?

I feel as if I need to do some cognitive restructuring. I'm just not sure how to do that. I stopped cursing by replacing it with something else. I need to replace my negative thoughts with a different response. I'm trying to figure out how.
 
I am so sorry that you feel like that, I feel for you
you so much deserve something better
I wish I could tell you why you haven't met yet people who acknowledge your worth.

You definitely possess skills, only your tireless posts over the years and the great blog that you write should prove it, so maybe at the moment it's not that you are not satisfied with your skills but you don't feel you are getting any recognition in college. That also can happen for different reasons than your actual skills - what about you keep writing your blog and you find other ways to get positive feedback, so maybe you get enough motivation to go back to your studies? Because it sounds that you are having an overdose of negative feedback, so maybe it's not really a burnout but if you take a break from that maybe you will see things with different eyes later.

this is all I can come up now - but please believe that you are more skilled than a lot of other people (I will not say "more worth" because everyone is worth ;) ) And I hope that bad experiences don't break you (easier said than done, I know).
 
[/quote]

Hey Sophia...maybe the break from grad school will be sufficient to allow you to recover...I have seen people become extremely stressed in similar situations.....Talking therapy's can be really helpful... not always easy to access but definately worth exploring...
 
According to Yeezus, if you want your life to be dope, you gotta do dope honeysuckle.

Of thinking that I have no future and no place, no skills or special attributes.

I feel this a lot but I don't really have a choice. Having to fend for yourself doesn't really give you the option to do nothing. It's a long slow road to get the skills that are valuable to this world.

Would finishing grad school really do anything for you other than make you feel good about sticking it out?
 
kamya said:
Having to fend for yourself doesn't really give you the option to do nothing.

Yeah, I know.

I don't intend to do nothing.


kamya said:
Would finishing grad school really do anything for you other than make you feel good about sticking it out?

For some reason I don't want to think about grad school at the moment.

I'm sensing a mental and emotional block.
 
Maybe it would be good to pick up a useful hobby.

Woodworking, programming, circuit making, and basic mechanics are all pretty useful skills. Blacksmithing and leathercraft always looked fun to me too. Anything DIY related would work really.

I've had to learn some mechanics and basic home repair skills recently. I've been having a lot of fun cooking many things too. Everything seems really intricate and complicated but after you learn a few things it's all actually pretty simple to start messing around on your own.

It can boost your esteem a little bit knowing that you can handle certain things on your own if you ever need to.
 
Hi Sophia,

You have so much to offer the world, from the way you write here it shines out. I think building or rebuilding self worth takes time and alot of being kind to yourself and spending time doing things that really makes you happy (for some people that can be a hard thing, thinking what makes them happy).

I have learned some tips that work for me dealing with negative thoughts. I have found that in the past no matter what I was doing my mind would be running around with these thoughts, so I tried being mindful in short bursts and then it grew to the whole task, it didn't fix the problem, but I got a reprieve. Also do you like crafts? I am not great and not very creative, but I tried allsorts paint by numbers (adult version lol), cross stitch, foil drawing, rochet, knitting, decoupatch (sp) until I found one that worked for me. Again it is calming it slows you down (maybe you don't need that), but it allows you to get a handle on those thoughts. Meditation helps too. Also maybe an hour a week giving back? Also what about investing in a course on self worth? They usually take pieces ofndifferent types of therapies like NLP and mould it in their own way.

If this is of no use, just ignore it. I hope things feel brighter soon.
 
I remember feeling like this when I left university after less than a single semester of English studies. I thought I had picked the only field I had any talent in...only to realize that it couldn't catch my attention at all. And when I finally got out of this place, there was absolutely nothing left. No sense of purpose and no future. It's easy to end up that way if you focus yourself on one thing too much just to lose all grasp on your other abilities. Took me months to scrape myself up again and to get rid of the voice in the back of the head telling me "You're screwed". My parents had been there for as well, all the way through...of course they couldn't walk my path for me. Therapy sessions and meds didn't do it for me either. It took an immense amount of introspection to regain my self-worth. Suffice to say I never had much in the first place, but it had gotten me this far without giving up.

Everybody always told me I'm selling myself short - professionally and emotionally. There are still many times when I just have to tear myself down relentlessly for I'm more afraid of turning overconfident and arrogant than of anything else. Regardless of what I seem to able or unable to, I promised myself to keep going. Not every day is full of purpose and meaning and there have been countless mornings I would've liked to just stay put. But you'll never know for sure what happens next. And I'm glad that I kept pushing forward because I accomplished more than I ever hoped for back in the days when the veil of depression still covered everything.

I think it's also important to understand that for many of us there's a difference between what you're doing for a living and what you are doing to live. Only few of us are lucky enough to merge these two fields. And sometimes we are too hellbent on the former one and neglect the latter one in the meantime. I'm not saying that clutching for straws is the answer. But like kamya said, picking up a hobby is one way. We all have much more hidden talents and abilities than we give ourselves credit for. We must be willing to look for them though. Not all of them are redeemable with money. And in these times, it's more important than anything else to know the things that hold real and consistent value to us.
 
Do things for other people without expectation of return. Their gratitude will improve your feelings of self worth, and make you more objectively worthy as well.
 
My dear Soph, I think the awesome peeps before me have said some really good things in their posts and you know how I am having a hard time being able to come up with good words of advice. But I just want you to know that I'm here for you, and I understand that even if we say you're worthy, it's the feeling inside that still persists in feeling otherwise.

It's hard for me to suggest what you can do when I am finding a hard time myself to find my own self-worth for awhile now. People tell me to do what I do best, which is try to be around people and help them where I can.... and yes, that usually gives me a sense of purpose in this life and I feel satisfied and happy with doing that. But it hasn't felt that way lately... so I too, am trying to find that something.

In any case, I hope you know you're not alone. We can go on this journey together. You've been a really great friend to me and I don't know how else I can help, and I really really wish I could but the best I can do is to offer you my support and basically go through it together and talk about it anytime. You know where to find me. We can rip out lists and lists of things we can do to combat the negativity so we can find that something that will make us feel worthy again.

*hugs* I hope this phase passes for you quickly. You are far too awesome and kind to be facing this... sigh.
 
SophiaGrace said:
I've been trying to figure this out, because this is how i feel. I feel as if I have no worth as a person or place in the world. I know i have a place with my mother and I love my mom. I know she loves me too. So, that's a place I have, but besides that I don't have any sense of self worth or self esteem.

I'm so tired of this too. Of thinking that I have no future and no place, no skills or special attributes. Hell, I almost feel similar to how cumulus.james feels it seems. I've decided to take a leave of absence from grad school.

I too have experienced similar feelings. After a long time, I began to realise that these are thoughts not grounded in reality, but rather thoughts comparing myself to some imaginary and impossible ideal. I spent so much time scolding myself for the goals I had not yet reached, and never looked back on all of the things that I had accomplished.

I know you must have things to be proud of. You mention grad school, for instance, and although I don't know your discipline, I can't imagine that anyone finds it an easy ride to get into your position. That is commendable.

Do you think there is a deeper issue here? I found that my self loathing/sense of worthlessness was born of my loneliness and, during my studies, the pressure to suceed. Therefore, the feeling of worthlessness did not disappear until these deeper issues were addressed. The mental calculations were usually:

"I am lonely = I am not a likeable person = I am worthless"

Or,

"I am not doing well in these studies = I am stupid = I don't deserve to be here = I am a waste of space".

etc.

There are an uncountable number of errors in this logic, but it's hard to untangle them when you're feeling down.
 
Its just a suggestion guys... So...
Maybe you can try volunteering or try some random acts of charity... I know it helps me alot, i try to do as much voluteer work as i can.... To help old people or to bring food and cloths to homeless shelter. I live in a dangerous area of the city so me and some guys are staying late outside to prevent any robbery, rape or just some act of random violence. I even volunteered with "problamatic" children to help them with homework or just having them for dinner.

Ask i said, it helps me in some degree...
 
I think you hit it on the head here. To have worth, do something worthwhile.

Nicholas said:
Its just a suggestion guys... So...
Maybe you can try volunteering or try some random acts of charity... I know it helps me alot, i try to do as much voluteer work as i can.... To help old people or to bring food and cloths to homeless shelter. I live in a dangerous area of the city so me and some guys are staying late outside to prevent any robbery, rape or just some act of random violence. I even volunteered with "problamatic" children to help them with homework or just having them for dinner.

Ask i said, it helps me in some degree...
 
You know.. it might be not the answer you're looking for but.. want to know what works for me? One person I care about a lot really believes in me and this somehow lessens the feeling of worthlessness I feel. With time it might even disappear, who can say?

Btw last year I almost had a nervous breakdown.. and it was hard since I had to deal with it alone. My studies suffered but somehow I got back up. I really don't want to feel the same way again. It's difficult to ward off your mind from bad thoughts, I realize that.

This works for me: just take a deep breath, and try to focus your mind on your body, on the surroundings, on sounds, whatever works; try to take notice of every small particular you can notice. After a while, you'll realize you feel calmer. Then it's the moment you actually need to do something. Whatever works, even reading a book. Take it easy, just do something, little by little.

What I just said won't solve everything. Actually it doesn't solve much for me. But at least you'll be less anxious or worried and maybe happier. And with a clearer mind, problems can appear less difficult than they actually seemed to be a moment before.

I don't know about a "solution", honestly. I wonder if it even exists. Surely, if it exists, the solution lies in ourselves. It's not a problem of being better than other people, but more like being happy about the way we are. It's normal to want to improve, as long as it doesn't negatively affect us.

If you want to talk, feel free to pm me.
See ya!
 
Positive re-enforcement, hmm. Here is what works for me...
When ever I feel down and dirt cheap, I take time out, Shut myself completely from this world, Regain my old solitude and I try to remember the things I have achieve so far in my life. I remember the moments when I made some laughed, I remember the moments of joy I spend with my folks, Some pretty old childhood memories. And doing that I sleep and When I wake up the positiveness surge through me. And that's that.

Can't say If It will for you, but would be worth a shot If you are willing to try it ?
 
SophiaGrace said:
I've been trying to figure this out, because this is how i feel. I feel as if I have no worth as a person or place in the world. I know i have a place with my mother and I love my mom. I know she loves me too. So, that's a place I have, but besides that I don't have any sense of self worth or self esteem.

I'm so tired of this too. Of thinking that I have no future and no place, no skills or special attributes. Hell, I almost feel similar to how cumulus.james feels it seems. I've decided to take a leave of absence from grad school.

I just feel broken and people in real life are seeing it as discouragement and/or being burnt out. It feels more than that though. I really feel as though I've had the snot kicked out of me recently.

I just want to know, how do I gain some semblance of self-worth? I mean, the self-worth that doesnt say "I'm better than you, so hah." But…something, you know?

How do i combat these negative thoughts?

I was laying in bed earlier after feeling exhausted. I meditated a little using a buddhist meditation app on my phone and it allowed me to at least fall asleep. I just don't know how…other than to self-calm using meditation…how to sway my thoughts so I feel I have some future and some hope in my life. I don't want to be condemned to this angst forever.

I'm tired of it. I deserve something good, don't I?


I feel the same way, except I haven't made it to grad school. I feel far away from any real sense of self-worth and have no idea how to attain such a lofty ideal. People I've talked to online when I've mentioned how much I despise myself, but the truth is, what is there to like, I just don't see anything there. To be liked or earn respect/prestige it seems you have to have something to provide to make yourself of some sort of value to the community, and I don't have anything like that.

I have no skills, talents or competencies, I am essentially broken as a human being and society expects me to simply carry on and like myself or experience self-esteem and self-worth for utterly no reason at all. Liking myself in this case is more an unhealthy and dishonest illusion than anything else. How can you experience self-worth when you cannot do anything well and can barely do anything at all? If I pretend to have self-worth will everything magically change or will the whole facade come crashing down once more upon itself? How can one prove themselves in this world when they lag so far behind the curve and reek of utter desperation?

So yeah this post is no help to you but merely a sounding board, I wish I had something positive to say, then again maybe you'll find something, something you enjoy, something that makes you feel good. Self-worth doesn't have to and perhaps shouldn't come from the world or from any kind of externally granted status. But how can you grant yourself self-worth when the very you that possesses the power to grant such self-worth is either broken or no longer there.There emerge so many questions in such a time of spiritual entrapment, but if you can find just one small thing you love, do anything you can to hold onto it and maybe just maybe it will save your life. In the meantime I will continue the fruitless search. Maybe just maybe I'll discover a shadow of a dormant passion to resurrect and turn into magic. But time is running out, merciless just like all the martyrs.
 
I'm so sorry you're feeling in this way, Sophia. *hugs* I am in the same situation right now and if you will find the answer let me know... :(
 
Nicholas said:
Its just a suggestion guys... So...
Maybe you can try volunteering or try some random acts of charity... I know it helps me alot, i try to do as much voluteer work as i can.... To help old people or to bring food and cloths to homeless shelter. I live in a dangerous area of the city so me and some guys are staying late outside to prevent any robbery, rape or just some act of random violence. I even volunteered with "problamatic" children to help them with homework or just having them for dinner.

Ask i said, it helps me in some degree...

I was going to suggest doing this too. =) Another thing you could do is try a art class and get into art. Art is very relaxing and soothes you're mind. I'm getting into painting right now and I love looking at all the beautiful colors, it makes me want to create something. Anything that comes the first to come, you should paint it. You don't even have to show it to anyone, just keep it to yourself. Do it whenever those worthless feelings start to creep back in.
 

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