online dating find: perhaps it's not you, it's your environment

well, I must say that I am a bit shocked about this discovery:

as many of you, I am registered in an online website, I don't use it much and I get mostly booty call messages, but in general I get a couple of messages and some Likes every day, sometimes also by decent people. Can't say I am a huge success, it's not like I am invisible either.

Well, as an experiment last week I tried to change my location from where I am now to my home town in another country.

One of the reasons why I left my home country (grew up among two different countries, but only one I considered home) was that I felt completely invisible to men there, even when I was a hot 20 years old! (I did have a couple of years of hotness then) - well, apparently it wasn't my impression because in over one week, nothing! not one Like, not one message.
Also, all guys set their settings to look for women who are at least 10 years younger, and even the 50+ don't search for women older than 35 (!) so basically I was really right to leave that country.

I wanted to share this to tell you that maybe it's not you but your geographical location that doesn't let you meet like minded people.

I know that sometimes I have written to men in other areas and some have written back to say they want someone local. Had always thought it was their way of letting me down gently but now maybe they were simply being truthful.

Well...I've found it might be me more than my geographical location...I have got a few more replies after moving to the City last year. Then again I'm using OKC and its not that good. Maybe Match or POF would work better in a city of 8 million people....

Peaches said:

even the 50+ don't search for women older than 35 (!)

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I went out with a guy who was 56. He was a bit older than my guideline, but when I was doing the on line dating thing, I generally wouldn't turn someone down JUST because of age (whether younger or older).

He kept rambling on about the hot, wealthy, 30ish chicks that he would talk to on the site that turned out to be scammers.

I didn't go out with him again. He was obviously looking for a hot, wealthy, 30ish chick and that wasn't me.

But seriously, I did note that most of the men who messaged me (about 70%) were at least ten years older than me. Maybe 20% were younger and only about 10% were actually around my age (46).
I have no idea as to the "why" however. I personally don't feel that I look like I'm in my 50's, so maybe a lot of men just like younger women?

Well, in the place were I was living until now half of the guys who contacted me were 10 to 5 years younger, and most of the guys my age had settings for women up to ten years older at least, so this country was at least doing something right
Same in the UK and Germany, that for some reason would appear in my searches.

I am sure most guys like younger women, but my impression is that that is a matter of education as well. I wonder what are the differences in US states, if guys in California are so different from guys from Ohio (most probably).

Most of the time I don't like older men, but usually it's because of different culture (a lot of chauvinism and paternalism) and most are not very dynamic, although there are exceptions. Also, men generally die younger… I am not so young myself, we want to have some good years together


What am I talking about, as my dating life amounts to zero?

I completely agree with this. Where I currently live (dallas, tx) I'm rarely hit on by any guys. So I've grown up feeling unattractive to be honest. If I am hit on, its usually by some creepy old man in a really scary way. But over christmas I took a trip to New Orleans, Louisiana with a coworker and wow! I've never felt more attractive in all my life lol. Like really good looking guys my age showed interest in me. I only wish I live there haha I'll probably consider moving there in a couple years I know it may sound ridiculous to some but it really meant something to me to be treated like a beautiful woman for once in my life, whether it was completely sincere or not isn't something I care about. It was a much needed boost to my confidence. So yes, I agree that location matters. I spoke to a friend about it and she said Louisiana is a lot more southern and hospitable then Texas, so men acknowledge beauty a lot more freely, also their ideal of beauty is different then Dallas.

New Orleans is a great place for socializing, the people are very open and welcoming compared to many other places. It's too bad the economy is so awful, I could live in the French Quarter happily.

I am always afraid of being considered a creepy old man. I started chatting with a 21 year old woman recently, just friendly emails with advice and support. I'm 37 this year and there is no way in the world I would ever ask her out. I did date an 18 year old briefly a couple years ago, but it was more her idea than mine.

Amthorn said:

New Orleans is a great place for socializing, the people are very open and welcoming compared to many other places. It's too bad the economy is so awful, I could live in the French Quarter happily.

I am always afraid of being considered a creepy old man. I started chatting with a 21 year old woman recently, just friendly emails with advice and support. I'm 37 this year and there is no way in the world I would ever ask her out. I did date an 18 year old briefly a couple years ago, but it was more her idea than mine.

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To me, if you go up to a women and say "hello, how are you", "hello, what's your name" etc etc I wouldn't consider you creepy. What I DO consider creepy is being cat called or whispered to like "hey, come here", "hey, spsss spsss" that is really inappropriate and I'll never understand why men think that works. I've never entertained a guy who does that. But I'm not talking about online dating obviously, all of this is just in person stuff. I haven't got it in me to online date.

spsss spsss

LOL

it probably works with the professionals

It makes sense, certain types of people tend to congregate. If you are a very liberal person living in a very conservative city, you are unlikely to find someone compatible. Also, sheer population density means that the more populous an area is, the more likely you are to find someone compatible in that area. [/align]

I definitely blame my location for my lack of success finding people more like myself.

I've heard from a few different places that men in Europe aren't as obsessed with dating women in their 20s as men in the US are. Don't know why that is, though. Of course, our society worships youth to the extreme so maybe that has something to do with it. When I was about 32, I dated a guy 10 years younger. He thought I was younger than 32, though
So I guess if I really wanted to find a partner, I should move to Europe...hmmm...

-Teresa

I second that. ^^

Peaches said:

well, I must say that I am a bit shocked about this discovery:

as many of you, I am registered in an online website, I don't use it much and I get mostly booty call messages, but in general I get a couple of messages and some Likes every day, sometimes also by decent people. Can't say I am a huge success, it's not like I am invisible either.

Well, as an experiment last week I tried to change my location from where I am now to my home town in another country.

One of the reasons why I left my home country (grew up among two different countries, but only one I considered home) was that I felt completely invisible to men there, even when I was a hot 20 years old! (I did have a couple of years of hotness then) - well, apparently it wasn't my impression because in over one week, nothing! not one Like, not one message.
Also, all guys set their settings to look for women who are at least 10 years younger, and even the 50+ don't search for women older than 35 (!) so basically I was really right to leave that country.

I wanted to share this to tell you that maybe it's not you but your geographical location that doesn't let you meet like minded people.

Click to expand...

I dont know where are you from but I agree that location is a deal to find a partner (In my case a man).

Online dating is definitely a numbers game in my opinion. The chances of finding anyone suitable definitely change regarding location, number of members on each site who are registered and active users, and the male/female ratio of each site. Think i've mentioned it on another thread, but if I lived in a city and was interested in pursuing a relationship (which i'm not now), then i'd give speed dating, or dating events a go. Internet dating seems to be too much like flicking through a catalogue. I think too many people are of the opinion now that they can just date someone, and if that person doesn't live up to their exacting expectations then all they have to do is just go back online and click on another one. Massive cattlemarket out there if you ask me!

My only relationships have come from online dating - I've never met a girl through any other means.

I found that the sites were very intimidating but worth it, after all at the end of the day most of the members are just trying to find somebody. The ones who are just in it for money/sex/a visa are pretty easy to spot, although here in the UK there are loads of documentaries about lonely women meeting men from Nigeria online who fall in love but suddenly disappear once they have their UK Passport (well nobody saw that one coming!) Maybe I'm quite lucky as I don't live in a big city, but I do live near to one, so there are often quite a few genuine matches.

My experiences of web dating using Match, uDate, PoF and Date The UK:

1) "Helen" - met her online in 2003, went on one date. I'm not a shallow man but I do appreciate at least an attempt at personal hygiene. She had rotting teeth (at 19 years old!), unkempt hair and clothes that looked and smelled like she'd thrown her laundry at the wall and wore what didn't stick. She had dozens of photos of her brother in her wallet. No thanks!

2) "Dominique" - lovely girl but we just ended up as mates. She suggested watching Bowling for Columbine while on a date!

3) "Michelle" - Nice enough and we went on a few dates and even got intimate a couple of times, but she soon ditched me when I wanted to use protection - turns out she just wanted a baby with any bloke so she could get a flat on welfare. Nope!

4) "Jo" - much more on my wavelength, had a good laugh. Currently my wife of 8 years

I've tried several times changing my location to more metropolitan area where I am more likely to find men like me (and just more in general) and haven't had any luck. Maybe I am getting too old. Glad it has worked for others.

exasperated said:

I've tried several times changing my location to more metropolitan area where I am more likely to find men like me (and just more in general) and haven't had any luck. Maybe I am getting too old. Glad it has worked for others.

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To quote Winston Churchill "Never, never, never give up"

Keep trying, someone will pop up eventually I changed my criteria a couple of times and kept getting different matches so it's worth tweaking your profile now and again, plus there are dozens of sites out there you might not have tried. Good luck

I'm beginning to think it's my looks more than anything else... I created a brief profile on POF with my picture last week and only got 2 messages in an entire week. One guy was 46 and not very good looking (fat, bald) and called me sexy which makes me think he only wants sex. But really I just wouldn't want to date someone that old.

Either that or it's my own age that's the problem (31). When I first tried creating a profile back when I was 24, I did get a lot of messages....around 120 in 2 days or something like that.

Just feeling like I'm going to be single forever now... I'm not a mom or previously married so it's not like I'm scaring away people because of kids/divorce.

Hi All! Sometimes online dating is only affordable way to meet with a girl. I live in Los Angeles, but worked for two years in small town (state Alaska). It is very difficult to meet with a girl there. So I decided to create a profile on the website https://kovla.com/datings/us/los-angeles-city-center. Why this site? I do not know, I was advised by my good friend, who met the girl on this site. In the summer I'm going to go home and want to meet with a girl, with whom we have a month to exchange messages. Good luck!