An unattainable dream.

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

vng2015

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 24, 2014
Messages
157
Reaction score
21
For many people separating from an unhealthy relationship is an unattainable dream. That especially applies to adults living with Toxic Parents. Given that they may never had independent life, separating is especially difficult.

For many people

-- making their own major and minor decisions in life
-- not being frequently criticized
-- finding their own friends/therapists

is an unattainable luxury.
 
It is in no way unattainable. It only matters how much you want it and what you are prepared to do to get it. It's not easy, but it is COMPLETELY attainable. Put in the hard work, stop living in the past and anyone can do it.
 
Not necessarily.

If you have been damaged emotionally, you may not be able to completely recover.
you can try, as one should. But that doesn't mean you will overcome the damage.

I have nieces and nephews. They are still young. But their parents (mainly via their mom) have raised them in such a fashion that these kids will likely suffer from stunted or emotional crippling later in life. A lot of pressure, hovering, and strict "you can / you cannot" have not allowed them to grow up and experience life as a child.
You can bet their uncle (me) is silently cheering for a mass rebellion as they become teenagers.
 
TheRealCallie said:
It is in no way unattainable. It only matters how much you want it and what you are prepared to do to get it. It's not easy, but it is COMPLETELY attainable. Put in the hard work, stop living in the past and anyone can do it.

I do not know. I should be thankful to my parents that they support me and I am not homeless.

How can I earn the amount of money needed for an adult to live alone?


ABrokenMan said:
A lot of pressure, hovering, and strict "you can / you cannot" have not allowed them to grow up and experience life as a child.

For an adult that is even worse.
 
vng2015 said:
TheRealCallie said:
It is in no way unattainable. It only matters how much you want it and what you are prepared to do to get it. It's not easy, but it is COMPLETELY attainable. Put in the hard work, stop living in the past and anyone can do it.

I do not know. I should be thankful to my parents that they support me and I am not homeless.

How can I earn the amount of money needed for an adult to live alone?

Um, by getting a job? That's usually how people do it....
 
TheRealCallie said:
vng2015 said:
How can I earn the amount of money needed for an adult to live alone?

Um, by getting a job? That's usually how people do it....

Is it worth the effort? Why should I change everything in my life?
 
vng2015 said:
TheRealCallie said:
vng2015 said:
How can I earn the amount of money needed for an adult to live alone?

Um, by getting a job? That's usually how people do it....

Is it worth the effort? Why should I change everything in my life?

... to be independent, like other adults? It requires an income.
 
ardour said:
... to be independent, like other adults? It requires an income.

Given my disabilities and lack of experience I am not sure I can.
 
vng2015 said:
ardour said:
... to be independent, like other adults? It requires an income.

Given my disabilities and lack of experience I am not sure I can.

I don't know what disabilities you have, but, if you let the difficulties stop you, then no, you can't.
Stop making excuses and find something you can actually do (there almost always IS something out there) and you can.
 
I have heard of people preferring to live in the back of their cars than with their abusive parents, so it's definitely attainable. Not always convenient, but attainable.
 
TheRealCallie said:
vng2015 said:
ardour said:
... to be independent, like other adults? It requires an income.

Given my disabilities and lack of experience I am not sure I can.

I don't know what disabilities you have, but, if you let the difficulties stop you, then no, you can't.
Stop making excuses and find something you can actually do (there almost always IS something out there) and you can.

Get some experience....in anything! Go volunteer somewhere first, since your parents support you, you won't need to income. Get that on your resume. Do small side jobs.

I understand living with toxic parents, been there done that, and I got out and am doing way better now. It's not easy, and you're comfortable in that rut. You have to get out of your comfort zone and do something if you want to experience change.
 
I am grateful to my parents for giving me food and shelter.

I am NOT thankful to USA which abandons people with mental disabilities. Canada, and Scandinavia have excellent welfare for the disabled.
 
We don't get abandoned per se. A good percentage of us end up in prison. Or working in politics.

:club:


vng2015 said:
I am grateful to my parents for giving me food and shelter.

I am NOT thankful to USA which abandons people with mental disabilities. Canada, and Scandinavia have excellent welfare for the disabled.
 
Very sad situation.

Even though I suffer from severe depression and autism, I am not unintelligent.
 
vng2015 said:
Very sad situation.

Even though I suffer from severe depression and autism, I am not unintelligent.

There are several people who can do things even if they have depression and autism. I have a student that has severe autism, and he does lots of things. You can't blame those things, they are just unfortunate obstacles you have to over come. We all have them.
 
vng2015 said:
Very sad situation.

Even though I suffer from severe depression and autism, I am not unintelligent.

I have heard about a Danish company which employs only people with autism. Have often thought that it would be easier for those of us with an asd to work for such a company as we wouldn't be ostracised or bullied.
 
vng2015 said:
For many people separating from an unhealthy relationship is an unattainable dream. That especially applies to adults living with Toxic Parents. Given that they may never had independent life, separating is especially difficult.

For many people

-- making their own major and minor decisions in life
-- not being frequently criticized
-- finding their own friends/therapists

is an unattainable luxury.

Sorry to hear of your problems. I am getting on towards 60 and still have issues with my emotionally abusive 87 year old father. I don't never remember him saying well done to me about anything in my life. I certainly still get criticised and pucked on.

It's a bugger and for reasons I won't go into I do have some need of a small amount of financial support from the old *******.

I am lucky in one sense, in that although I have from problems with blood pressure and chronic asthma, I am not disabled. I overcame my difficulties with people, have a few choice friends and quite a lot of self confidence.

I healed. It took therapy. It took dedication. Mostly it took sheer, bloody-minded fecking determination that I would not let the bastards grind me the feck down.

I have bad days still sometimes. Not so often, but sometimes. But they are MY bad days. They are MY good days.

Nobody owns me, not anymore. Not him. Not anyone.

Be you. ..

That's it..
 
Nicolelt said:
There are several people who can do things even if they have depression and autism. I have a student that has severe autism, and he does lots of things. You can't blame those things, they are just unfortunate obstacles you have to over come. We all have them.

Maybe I could survive on my own, but I doubt I can improve my life over the current situation. Perhaps my current situation is the best given my condition and given that I live in USA rather then Canada, Australia, Scandinavia.


Tiina63 said:
I have heard about a Danish company which employs only people with autism.

I no longer look for a job. Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing and expecting a different result. I have tried to change my life and failed many times.


jaguarundi said:
Sorry to hear of your problems. I am getting on towards 60 and still have issues with my emotionally abusive 87 year old father. I don't never remember him saying well done to me about anything in my life. I certainly still get criticised and pucked on.

It's a bugger and for reasons I won't go into I do have some need of a small amount of financial support from the old *******.

I am lucky in one sense, in that although I have from problems with blood pressure and chronic asthma, I am not disabled. I overcame my difficulties with people, have a few choice friends and quite a lot of self confidence.

I healed. It took therapy. It took dedication. Mostly it took sheer, bloody-minded fecking determination that I would not let the bastards grind me the feck down.

I have bad days still sometimes. Not so often, but sometimes. But they are MY bad days. They are MY good days.

Nobody owns me, not anymore. Not him. Not anyone.

Be you. ..

That's it..

Thank you very much for sharing. Given my situation, I am not sure I can ask for anything.


In my situation ``beggars can not be choosers" -- thus I am literally wasting my life and my talents.
 
vng2015 said:
I no longer look for a job. Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing and expecting a different result. I have tried to change my life and failed many times.

Yes, that's the definition of insanity.
But do you know the definition of excuses? I'm sorry, but you are using your autism and depression as an excuse to give up. There ARE options and it's very unlikely you have explored all your avenues, so "looking for a job" doesn't fit in that category of insanity.
 
Look into the Salvation Army, Churches , or any family networking places in your area....they have job coaches free of charge. Don't tell me they don't, because I know for a fact that they do....its part of what I do for work. I helped someone with down syndrome get a job at a grocery store...and they have a job coach to check up on them and their mental status everyday. Getting a job is DEFINATLY doable... no matter who you are. Maybe you just don't want to work.....

As Far as your disabilities go, you are luckier than most of us, because employeers are looking to be diverse. Get out of the mind set that you can't do something.... If you want to do something, you can.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top