Another negative counselling experience

I started seeing a counsellor in Dec. and she said that we will be finishing next week as in her opinion I am 'not accepting' my situation and am 'fighting it.' My situation is one of having no family. She said these things because I told her that I am doing online dating and she thinks I should stop. I do find my situation to be incredibly lonely, painful and frightening and I want to change it. I have had some not so good internet dates, but at the same time if I give up, I may well never meet anyone by chance. She thinks that because I am in my fifties that my chance of meeting someone is low. I can see her point, but at the same time I don't want to give up and to think that there will never be anyone to share my life with in a close and loving relationship. Having this hope of meeting someone is what keeps me going, that things won't always be as they are now. I do do other things-read in different languages, go out socially, etc, so I don't just sit at home pining all the time. But I don't understand her saying that by looking for someone I am not accepting my situation. I know my situation only too well and want to change it.

Was she telling you to give up? Or to give up on "Internet dating?"

I'd like to spend ten minutes alone with that b….. (hands itching)

Some "counselors" do not belong in that career.
They lack empathy.
Sorry to hear you have encountered another haughty loser,Tiina63.
situations like yours have convinced me to forget about looking for a therapist.
I'll work thru things alone minus a judgemental attitude. I've had enough of that crap from ex friends.

Therapists often seem to have their own agendas, sadly. Rather than trying to support you, it seems like this person has her own line.

She's just projecting her internet failures on to you. I cant believe she dismisses you because you wont " accept " being single ? Ya She's nuts, thats all, just a nutty lady with some issues. You trigger her own dissatisfaction.

Thank you for all of your kind and supportive replies.
stork-error-I agree with you. It's hard to believe that she dismisses me because I won't accept being single. Had thought that therapists were supposed to work with clients to move towards their goals. If i had said to her that I wanted to become an olympic gymnast, then I could understand her attitude. But as it is, I am at a loss.
Ioann-this is how I feel. It is as if she has this idea of who I 'ought to be' or something and wants to tell me how to run my life. Because I am not going along with what she thinks I should do, she is getting rid of me. In the past I wasted many years trying to please others who wanted to tell me how to live my life but now I am no longer interested in trying to achieve the goals with others expect me to want.
ABrokenMan-I will be taking a very long break from therapy as well. I don't blame you for doing the same. Thank you for your caring attitude. The counsellor lacks empathy but you don't.
Peaches-please feel welcome to book a flight and take the first ten minutes of my last appointment with her on Thursday
jd7-this is where I am confused. She says to give up on online dating as otherwise I am not accepting my situation ie my age making it unlikely (in her eyes) I will meet someone. Then she said to see if I meet someone without looking but that this is unlikely.

I never liked counselors, entrusting your state of mental well-being (not to mention your deepest life secrets) to a complete stranger who doesn't care to help and is there for the money anyway seems absurd to me. I still insist that our best counselor is our self.

Tiina63 said:

She says to give up on online dating as otherwise I am not accepting my situation ie my age making it unlikely (in her eyes) I will meet someone. Then she said to see if I meet someone without looking but that this is unlikely.

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what is her problem? Is she young, married, and with a grudge against older ladies finding love? Or young and single, and wants to keep all the older guys for herself? or for her mum?
Or does she has hemorrhoids and hates all living beings so she has the nerve to take away hope from someone, just like that, without even investigating for those ten and more sessions about your motives, the strategies you are using and the progress you are making?
These people from social services should be locked up, or at least fined.

Tiina63, this therapist doesn't seem to be right for you. Taking a break from therapy can be very therapeutic, in my opinion.

When the time comes to return, a search for references might be in order....a person's regular doctor is a good place to consider for asking about another therapist.

In my opinion, the right shrink/client relationship is a really special one, in a good way. A wrong shrink just makes things worse.

Peaches-no, she is well into her sixties. However, although she does have family, I don't know anything more. Maybe she is divorced and has given up on meeting someone else? I noticed, too, that she seems to be looking for reasons to put me down. I see her at the nearby women's centre which has various acitivties going on. She suddenly started going on at me saying I 'didn't want' to go to activities at the women's centre' even though I had never said this and am in fact keeping an eye open for anything there I might join. I told her about the French group and reading group I go to elsewhere (she knew about the Aspergers group) and she said that I hadn't mentioned them before. As this was only our third session, I hadn't had time to tell her about everything. It seems that when we admit that we are deeply lonely, people assume that we don't do anything or go anywhere. They don't bother to ask about it, but just leap in with the knee jerk assumption that we just sit at home feeling sorry for ourselves all the time. This does annoy me.
Constant stranger-I agree that the wrong therapist makes things worse. I am carrying some of the put downs she made in my headnow. I did have a really good therapist who retired and I carry good things in my head from her.
Seeker-I think that most of us know deep down what is right for us. We know oursleves better than anyone else ever can and so I agree we are our own best counsellors. At the same time, sometimes we need someone to listen with an impartial ear (though many counsellors are far from impartial) and to help us find our own inner voice which can so easliy be drowned out by the voices of others and of society.

Tiina, I have to agree with the others. I don't think she sounds like a good therapist. I can't believe any therapist or counsellor could say things to put people down. That's not the whole point of it. It not only disappoints me, but angers me too as I have always believed in helping people in that way and even thought of becoming one myself but knowing that there are quite a lot of people who have had negative experiences with counselling just sucks. I wish there's something that I could do.

If anything, I'm glad you're not going to see her again. It's not how it should be. :\

*hugs* perhaps talking to us here might help some?

It helps me a lot Lady Forsaken. I don't know how I would have cvoped the last few years without the support I have found on this site.

How can she say you won't find someone because of your age? Your therapist can't see into the future, she has no idea what's in store for you. People can find love at any age. You seem determined to fight your battles and I don't think anyone should give up trying to overcome a problem. It's a shame she couldn't validate your brave efforts.
I've seen 9 therapists over 25 years and only one one of them was any good. I have decided to go it alone from now on as I can't deal with their negative attitude towards me. I've not seen a therapist for 10 months and am doing much better for it.
If you believe that internet dating is the right thing for you, then carry on. Always live your life for you. Counsellors don't always like it whe you go against them, but I think it shows you know your own mind.

Hi badhairday-like you I have seen a fair number of different therapists over the years. 2 of them were ok, one I saw as a student back in 1986 and one I saw up till the start of last year until she moved away. These two were good and one reason they were good was that they encouraged me to listen to the voice inside me for what I should do in life. They trusted me to know what was best for me. .
I agree that it is a shame that this last counsellor is unable to validate what I am doing but instead wants me to do what she thinks I ought to do. I find net dating very hard, but at the same time it is one more way to meet people and without it I would maybe have no dates at all.

I don`t think it`s any harder, because you are in your fifties, many single woman in that age and it`s difficult to find someone anyway. Love is worth fighting for. Some woman may be cynical, or whatever, but there are normal. What an awful thing to say.