Over 30 and zero relationship experience?

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ardour

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Anyone 30 + and never had a boyfriend/girlfriend, not even at the early stages?

I can think of a couple of members.

I asked someone to the Ball at secondary school (seventeen years ago). I haven't asked any women out since, although it would have been fairly clear to a few that I was infatuated with them (and clear how they felt about that).

I wonder if any data exists that might indicate what portion of society will never know any kind of romantic connection.
 
ardour said:
Anyone 30 + and never had a boyfriend/girlfriend, not even at the early stages?

I can think of a couple of members.

I asked someone to the Ball at secondary school (seventeen years ago). Yes... pathetic. I haven't asked any women out since, although it would have been fairly clear to a few that I was infatuated with them (and clear how they felt about that).

I wonder if any data exists that might indicate what portion society will never know any kind of romantic connection.

I don't qualify but here is my relationship experience for what it's worth.

1997 - went out with lass I met thru a dating advert in the paper. Lasted 3 weeks.

2010 - went out with a lass I got introduced to. Lasted 6 weeks although we didn't go out much, maybe only 3 or 4 times.

2013 - Met somebody off here. Lasted one day.

That's it. I've asked loads of women out though.
 
1973 ~ 20 yrs old, 1st girlfriend....lasted 6 months or so.

1975 ~ 2nd girlfriend. Moved into apartment together & bought TV set.....lasted about 4 months. Left me for my best friend; took TV set with her.

1978 ~ 3rd girlfriend, met in group therapy....disastrous as a couple! Split up shouting accusations after 2 months or so.
1/2 a year later, became very good friends......lasted until 1993 when she got married...haven't heard from her since.

I'm afraid that's about it. I am however, in the friendship zone with a lady now.
 
I think that there must be many people 30+ without relationship experience. It is just that those with relationship experience tend to talk about it the most and the loudest. Also, it can feel embarrassing to admit after a certain age that you have no relationship experience so people who haven't tend to keep it to themselves. It is very sad that society can be judgemental towards those of us who in one way or another don't hit certain milestones when we are 'expected' to.
 
5 months 3 weeks from December 1995 - May 1996 for my only 'real' girlfriend. Never even held hands, had a first kiss, or even a hug from her, she always claimed she wasn't ready or wasn't feeling well (yet would hug all her friends, sometimes a bit too friendly with her male friends). Only spent a handful of times actually alone with her. The rest of the time her friends always had to be there. Ended by finding out it was all just a game, a joke she and her friends had devised to play on any 'loser' they could find .... and they found me. After that she ran off to Queensland with her 'real' boyfriend.

That's as close as I've been to a real relationship (not counting two short lived, internet only, relationships), and I'm 38 ... almost 39.
 
Being toyed with is something I can relate to....back in college, I was involved with a club. I got elected by our membership to one of the staff positions during my sophomore year. i got along with everyone, which was why I won the election. There was a girl, freshman, who got elected to the staff as well. We had a lot of time together from the get-go since our positions required coordinated efforts.

After awhile, she started to get flirty. Sat next to me, even in a class we shared. She'd come up to the office area in the evenings if i was there late, full of smiles, and flirty. I can't recall how it transpired, but one fall afternoon, we went for a walk / hike on the campus. As we neared to top of the ledge / overhang in the park, we sat down on a huge boulder to talk. She wanted to know why I was "shy" around her. I slowly opened up to her. She seemed very compassionate and understanding. It was difficult, as I had endured a very traumatic time in high school.

She told me she really liked me. We got a bit closer after that. i asked her out on a date to see a performer, she happily agreed. It was the first time I had been accepted for a date after failing 50 or more times before that. I was high on a cloud. She was my first kiss, my first snuggle and probably would have been my first sexual experience, had I not been so nervous and bumbling when the potential presented itself - we were hanging out in her dorm, alone in her room. I misread signs, etc, and besides, there was a party going on right outside.

Just when I find confidence to think things are well on their way to a happy relationship, I spy her hanging out with another guy. Just like she had done with me. It was during an event our club sponsored on campus. He wasn't from our campus. I think they spent the weekend together. I was crushed.
When she saw me again the next week, she was all smiles. The club's staff members were headed off to a big regional meetup with other college clubs - a large gathering, sponsored, so all we had to pay for was food. Hotel rooms were paid for as was travel, etc. She and i were of the selected staff that made the trip to the big city.
Nightime, we all were on our own to do as we wished. That's when I noticed the girl who supposedly (and said that) liked me as more than a friend was now hanging out with another guy on our staff. I saw the same flirty eyes, and smiles. They ended up hooking up.

I was very upset, and decided right then and there that I would shut her out - completely. And I did, for the rest of that weekend. Our staff went togther to eat, but I sat by myself and acted like i had no care in the world. She and I had to share our 5 hour ride back to campus in the same car with 3 other staff people. I'd talk to them, but every time she started to talk, i put on my headphomes from my walkman cassette player, and turned up the volume. Van Halen cranked up... i think she got my message loud and clear when we pulled over to refuel and grab snacks, as I overheard her talking loudly to another girl about me.

When we got back to campus, I headed off. Wrote her a note, blasting her and her actions. Left it in her inbox. She was pissed! I saw her the next day, she was stomping around, slamming doors in my presence. She wrote me a short note saying "How DARE you judge me, blame me...", etc.
But, here was the key phrase that summed it up:
"I care about you. A lot. I know you've been hurt and lonely. I just wanted to show you that there is hope in life.
AS they say, nowadays, WTF?
Blaming me for her slutty ways, and using me for affection until she moved to another.
A charity case.
F-You, baby.
Afer that she tried to be friendly. I only interacted with her on a need to do club required business level. Never again casual.

I ran into her in a nightclub around 10 years later. My band had just finished our set. She told me was still single, playing guys to her heart's content. And she looked, well.... OLD. And empty.
Touche!
 
ardour said:
Anyone 30 + and never had a boyfriend/girlfriend, not even at the early stages?

I can think of a couple of members.

I am 25, and I have never been in a relationship before. Not so much as a kiss! : )

ardour said:
I wonder if any data exists that might indicate what portion of society will never know any kind of romantic connection.

You might be interested in this report from the National Centre for Health Statistics (sampled from the US):

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr036.pdf
 
I'm not 30, but I will be in a few months. My one and only relationship lasted 3 months. From October 2006 to January 2007. Those were the best 3 months of my life. I have no idea what's so bad about me that I can't get a relationship.
 
I'm over 30 and all I have ever had is brief or casual relationships. The longest was 9 months and I only found out that he was with me to be near my housemate. So yeah, that made me feel like a lump of shite. I've never had what I would call a serious boyfriend and I have never been in love or had anyone in love with me.

It is all I want now. Everything else in my life is sorted but I am tired of going home to an empty flat. I don't know why either. I'm not unattractive and all my friends (there aren't many lol) say that I am lovely and funny etc but when I think about it, I think that they must be just saying that to make me feel better because why I am I still alone? I'm not particularly shy but I'm not an extrovert either.

I used to get drunk guys come up to be but since hitting 30 I don't even get that. I actually cannot remember the last time a guy even looked in my direction. It's like I am completely invisible.

I try not to think about it because it depresses me but I'm terrified of ending up some barren old spinster that the local kids think is a witch. To make matters worse, my sister got divorced 18 months ago and has had two boyfriends since then?! Where did she get two from when I can't even get one!?

*sigh*
 
Celestine said:
You might be interested in this report from the National Centre for Health Statistics (sampled from the US):

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr036.pdf

Thanks, I've seen that before. We can't equate sexual experience to relationship experience. Also, people who don't have a sexual history are more likely to say "no thanks" to a survey on that.

Unfortunately there doesn't appear to be anything on the percentage of people who remain single their entire lives.
 
I'm 35 years old. I've never had a girlfriend. I'm still waiting for my first kiss, and all of the other things that come after that.

The idea of actually being intimate with someone is hard to fathom, though I would like to experience it soon. I am aching for some affection. It must be an AMAZING thing when the romantic feelings you have for someone are the same feelings they also have for you. I've never been lucky enough to have that experience.
 
Cucuboth said:
5 months 3 weeks from December 1995 - May 1996 for my only 'real' girlfriend. Never even held hands, had a first kiss, or even a hug from her, she always claimed she wasn't ready or wasn't feeling well (yet would hug all her friends, sometimes a bit too friendly with her male friends). Only spent a handful of times actually alone with her. The rest of the time her friends always had to be there. Ended by finding out it was all just a game, a joke she and her friends had devised to play on any 'loser' they could find .... and they found me. After that she ran off to Queensland with her 'real' boyfriend.

That's as close as I've been to a real relationship (not counting two short lived, internet only, relationships), and I'm 38 ... almost 39.

That's really harsh of her. Quite awful. People who do that need to be smacked in their face.
 
LonelyGuy1 said:
I'm 35 years old. I've never had a girlfriend. I'm still waiting for my first kiss, and all of the other things that come after that.

Only kiss I had was at 17. Both drunk, kissed me back but I wasn't so out of it to not be aware that she had been drinking. Bad experience, extremely embarrassing and not something to be proud of.

Maybe it's just that men complain about this a lot more than women, but I've read somewhere that something like 10-20% will never have a relationship. It's a taboo to discuss this it seems, and to do so opens yourself up to criticism of male entitlement.
 
*sigh* yes i never had, always stayed away from those things. reason : i'll try only once for permanent.
 
VanillaCreme said:
Cucuboth said:
5 months 3 weeks from December 1995 - May 1996 for my only 'real' girlfriend. Never even held hands, had a first kiss, or even a hug from her, she always claimed she wasn't ready or wasn't feeling well (yet would hug all her friends, sometimes a bit too friendly with her male friends). Only spent a handful of times actually alone with her. The rest of the time her friends always had to be there. Ended by finding out it was all just a game, a joke she and her friends had devised to play on any 'loser' they could find .... and they found me. After that she ran off to Queensland with her 'real' boyfriend.

That's as close as I've been to a real relationship (not counting two short lived, internet only, relationships), and I'm 38 ... almost 39.

That's really harsh of her. Quite awful. People who do that need to be smacked in their face.

I second Nilla on this.
 
I'm not 30 yet but getting close, and I have no relationship experience. Even among my friends, I'm the only one who has never had a girlfriend for any amount of time. I'm trying to figure out why this might be, so I can do something about it. A lot of it has to do with money, but also it has to do with me not being interesting enough, especially for the girls I'm attracted to. And it probably has a lot to do with this feeling that I'm trying to shake that I've had all my life, a feeling that I am just not good enough for anything.

It's getting more and more tempting to just throw up my hands in frustration and say that it's too hard, that I am cursed, that women just don't like me, that I am a natural-born loser and there's nothing I can do - but I know that won't get me anywhere. It's hard but I have to keep believing that I can change this area of my life. I'm not that bad. I just know it.
 
Not close to 30 but I'm 21 (22 in a few days). Never done anything not even have kiss anyone. I hope I get something before I hit 30 though. :rolleyes2:
 

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