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PeaceAndLove

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2015
Messages
18
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0
Location
Washington
Greetings, solitary ones.

My name is Frank. I am a former accountant and a former software tester from Kennewick, Washington. I have 7 years of college education, including a B.A. in accounting from WSU Richland, 2 years of study in technical writing and communications from CBC Pasco, and one year of study in computer science from WSU Pullman. I use cannabis to manage anxiety and depression. This makes me ineligible to work in my professional specializations, generally, so I am looking for cannabusiness work on the west side of the state. Since the private and public sectors have deemed me incapable of doing knowledge work because of my need for cannabis, I'll devote my professional efforts to supporting the cannabis industry instead. I can do independent software development in my spare time; there is no need for me to have an actual programming job.

I struggle with ADD and Asperger's Syndrome. I have little talent in dealing with people apart from a good knowledge of vocabulary and grammar. I find people interesting though. I spent my free time in college seeking out social situations at the bounds of my comfort zone, such as going to parties and meeting new people in different settings, to learn how to deal with people better through extensive trial and error. I have embarrassed myself more times than I could count, but I managed to push through and develop a reasonable amount of social skill anyway despite my clumsiness.

I have a serious anxiety problem. I don't have panic attacks, but my anxiety slowly builds up over time with stress to the point where it becomes unmanageable, at which point I start making serious errors in judgement. This has cost me three good jobs, two careers, and some friendships. I have had a very difficult life in some ways, or at least an extremely frustrating one.

Most of my stress comes from social drama. I am not naturally good with people, and I keep producing drama in my life through pointless arguments. I am done with all that. I can't handle the stress anymore. I have sufficiently muddied my name with my family and most of my old social network that I have little hope of restoring it. I am tired of life here in the Tri-Cities. I have lots of enemies here. I want to go away to the west side, start over fresh, and leave pretty much everyone here on the east side alone. I need to find peace in solitude and get my life together. I'd say "back together," but it's never been "together" before.

Nothing I have tried in my life so far has given me inner peace, but I have a plan now. I want to work for a while, save up some money, and buy a small property in the woods. There, I will practice some crafting skills, traditional woodworking and iron-forging, in keeping with the fine artisanal tradition of my family. I think that peace can be made through productive rest, and that it is also right there for the taking out of doors. We have only to meditate upon nature to find it.

I will journey to the forests of western Washington, find work, build myself a cabin in the woods, and build my own peace the old-fashioned way: through solitude, through meditation upon nature, and through the shaping of wood and the pounding of iron. I will also make webgames independently, time permitting. My hope is that my lifestyle will show through in my work and enhance it. The independent developer Sami Maaranen of Finland has a similar lifestyle; I was inspired to take this course of action by his work. The corporate world has chewed me up and spit me out. I want no more of office politics. There are no office politics to be found in the forest.

If I want to find peace in solitude, I figure this is a good place to start looking for advice. You all must be, like, the domain experts on the subject, right? Maybe I can help you all out with any advice you would like to ask of me while I'm here. I'll just solve your problem by making reference to my wide and impressive variety of mistakes, where I probably had the same problem myself, screwed everything up royally, and learned how to solve it properly while fixing my errors.

I'm done with Facebook. That's where half of my stress comes from. There is probably less stress to be found here if I want to get my social media fix. I look forward to meeting everyone.

Kind Regards,

Frank
 
I have "signed out" of Facebook, as it were. I only have behavioral problems such as obsessive arguing on Facebook. I'm fine in person and everywhere else. Facebook makes me lose my honeysuckle. I am done with it. Peace through solitude.

I have years of work ahead of me if I want to have my private property and my cabin. I may as well start now. I shall make my own peace through effort. Now is the time for action.

Axes to the wood, shovels to the earth, and hammers to the iron! Strike the earth!
 
Happiness is to mind your own business, to excel at your craft, and to be enthusiastic about your labors. It took me 27 years to learn that little bit of advice. Thanks for the kind welcomes.
 
I feel like a real adult for the first time in my life. I am out of patience with my adolescent bullshit. It's like I stalled at 12 years old for 15 years. I'm just going to go apply at that pallet repair place. I'm reasonably fit; I'll be fine. If my goal is to do woodworking, what better way to start than to do woodworking? It's brutal work, but I was planning on doing brutal work, like, 4 hours a day outside of my job for fun anyway. Axes to the wood!


I shall make the elements bend to my will through strength of arm, grit of teeth, and sweat of brow! Hammers to the iron! Peace through labor!


If you can work hard, people will respect you, even if you have zero social skill. Especially if you have zero social skill. People respect perseverance through adversity. This is common across all times and cultures.

Humans are flawed, and nature is unforgiving. It is the struggle against our own natures and the struggle against the nature around us that binds us together. Meditate upon nature, and you will understand our shared humanity. Suffering is common to us all.

You all have probably gathered that I have an intense personality. You can see why I might have a problem with obsessive arguing, lol. I have decided to apply my intense personality to building others up instead of taking others down, and to encouraging myself in my labors.

...and to try to give people smaller doses of my intense personality, lol. I can keep going like this all day long. It has been problematic. Generally, I just want to leave people the fresia alone and busy myself with useful efforts now. Pardon the cursing. I'll behave, generally.
 
I realize it might seem odd for a good communicator to have an interest in this forum. I am here because I keep running my mouth, and I need to stop. Silence and labor will make literally all of my problems vanish into thin air in a month. Silence is golden. Extroversion has brought me nothing but grief. It's the lonely life for me from now on, within reason, of course. One does not have to be a hermit to embrace solitude as a lifestyle.


I feel like Rip Van Winkle awoken from his slumber. I keep pacing around. Let me at those pallets, dammit! I will remake them!
 
The Frank has awoken, motherfuckers. honeysuckle is about to get done with extreme prejudice. Later.


I'm calm now. I can do calm. I'm not about to go ranting about these things to a potential employer, lol. They'll think I'm full of honeysuckle. Hell, I might well be full of honeysuckle here. We shall just have to wait and see. I'll hold my peace, apply normally, and work normally and efficiently. I'm not about to go raging fast right out of the gate and get myself hurt. I'll keep my damned mouth shut about these things to potential employers and let them learn of my dedication through my actions.
 
I am full of honeysuckle. I have been full of honeysuckle my whole life. Which is why I intend to keep my mouth shut and do my job. I am a poor student and a shitty knowledge worker. It is long past time that I accepted this. My brain may not work right, but my hands work just fine. I have failed at knowledge work. Let's see how I do at hard labor. I do not have skill or athletic prowess, but I will make do with determination.
 
All of that nonsense above was one long anxiety attack. Now you have an idea of what's been getting me into trouble on Facebook.

That's how I get when I'm having an anxiety attack, and I'm not always so careful to stick to uncontroversial matters. I never recognize when they're happening right away because my concerns always seem reasonable at the time. These sorts of extremist ideas come and go for me. I am smart enough to check my assumptions, and I always discard these ideas eventually once I have given myself some time to think of them calmly. I was basically just typing ideas as they came to me, which is a really, really stupid habit to have. If I learn to stop running my mouth every time I get excited by some sort of passing nonsense, then my anxiety attacks will cease to be a practical problem. The ideas will just come and go harmlessly in my head, and nobody else will know about them.

I still intend to go repair pallets, though. I can't do knowledge work if I tend to run my mouth when I talk. Hard labor doesn't usually involve a lot of conversation, and I really am happiest when I am working with my hands.

Note to Self: You're trying to learn introversion, and you're doing it wrong, dumbass.


My plan is working, it seems. I had an anxiety attack and didn't notice it. I ran my mouth like an idiot, but I ran it here, where it won't make a lick of practical difference. Next time I don't notice an anxiety attack, we'll see if I just keep my mouth shut anyway out of habit, like I'm supposed to.

Day one of plan: Social disaster among people I actually know averted. Success!
 
New ideas keep flooding into my head like a damned fire hose, and I can't shut the fire hose off. It's a good problem to have, but a very frustrating one. It's problematic because most of the ideas are not particularly good ones. It is a fire hose of half-baked, ill-conceived ideas that only serve to distract me and send me off on rabbit trails. Cannabis turns off the fire hose so I can actually think.


Christ, I need to shut up. I'm figuring things out. You all can deal with it.

I'm not getting anxiety attacks. I'm getting excited by lots of stupid ideas, some of which happen to cause anxiety, anger, or what have you. That's all. My problem is Attention Deficit Disorder. That's, what, my third or fourth guess about the problem? I'm bound to get the right answer and find a strategy that works eventually. Determination, stubbornness, and trial and error are how I've been solving all my problems so far. I screw everything up royally, try lots of wrong answers, make lots of mistakes, embarrass myself, and fail over and over again. Then I succeed. If I can put some kinks in the 'ol fire hose of bad ideas, maybe by fatiguing myself with hard labor, say, perhaps I can start solving problems in a better way.

Um, thanks everyone for being a sounding board, I guess. Better here than on Facebook. Sometimes, you just need to talk with yourself on an online forum, I guess. People have done stranger things. I'm not worried about it. I've had lots of worse embarrassments. This is nothing.
 

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