First thing im going to say before I start is I have the absolute most respect for gays and I see nothing wrong with people who make this choice in life. I dont hate them. My sister who is the second born of my mother was gay which I am the fourth. Well, let me start off with myself. Without insulting anybody, i am really sorry if I do, or explain too much detail. It's just that i'm so scared I might never truly be straight.
Im 22 years old now. As far as I knew, I wasn't gay. Until I was about 3-4 and I played with this baby doll, apparently it had a penis, and it gave me a hard on. I didn't know why it gave me one, at all. As I got older like 8-11 I had the mental attraction for women that were much older than me of course, and i thought it was straightening me out a little. Then when I got towards my teenage hood it was the worst. I used to have constant homosexual fantasies in my head of classmates but thankfully never attempted to flirt or done anything with anyone. I dont think I had much interest in girls at all, nor confidence in talking to any of them. I kept having these homosexual fantasies and feelings for people and even some friends till I was about 18. I finally had sex with a woman when i was 20, and even though I was attracted to her it was SO ******* HARD to get a hard on she must have regretted that night for the rest of her life. I have had sex with 3 different women so far and even though it straightened me out a hell of a lot to this day I must say i could not get fully hard for any of them. I've never been in a real relationship before these were just friends but still. I just recently came clean to my best friend about this thinking hed understand but he was a piece of honeysuckle and didn't help the situation and kept saying im a faggot and I just simply don't like girls I like men.
From about 18-22 women walking down the street began becoming eye candy to me. This was the change for me when I started to realize that I am completely straight and all i want in this life is to be with a woman and wrap my arms around her and express my love deeply for her till the day I die, not for a man. I can never possibly imagine that. But as soon as I get in bed with one, my thing goes in like a frightened turtles head!!!!! Nowadays I can't even get hard at all for a woman anymore and for some odd reason when i look at a male i feel myself getting a tiny bit hard even though I cannot do anything with a male at all and have zero feelings for them!!!! The thought of ever doing anything with them would be worse than the scene with Heath Ledger puking in the alleyway in Brokeback Mountain.
WHAT IS HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?! I absolutely adore females from the bottom of my heart and i want to be with them and my stupid ass body keeps ******* rejecting them!!!! its like I was meant to be gay whether I like it or not!!!!!! I lost myself really badly at work today screaming at the top of my lungs!!!!!! I can't have sex cause I don't know what's wrong with me!!!!!! I DONT LIKE MEN!!!!!! I FANTASIZE ABOUT BEING WITH A WOMEN EVERY NIGHT OF MY LIFE!!!!! But I cant get hard for them!!!!!!! so I guess I HAVE to be gay then. Why should i have to live with this torture? I feel like killing myself.......
Im 22 years old now. As far as I knew, I wasn't gay. Until I was about 3-4 and I played with this baby doll, apparently it had a penis, and it gave me a hard on. I didn't know why it gave me one, at all. As I got older like 8-11 I had the mental attraction for women that were much older than me of course, and i thought it was straightening me out a little. Then when I got towards my teenage hood it was the worst. I used to have constant homosexual fantasies in my head of classmates but thankfully never attempted to flirt or done anything with anyone. I dont think I had much interest in girls at all, nor confidence in talking to any of them. I kept having these homosexual fantasies and feelings for people and even some friends till I was about 18. I finally had sex with a woman when i was 20, and even though I was attracted to her it was SO ******* HARD to get a hard on she must have regretted that night for the rest of her life. I have had sex with 3 different women so far and even though it straightened me out a hell of a lot to this day I must say i could not get fully hard for any of them. I've never been in a real relationship before these were just friends but still. I just recently came clean to my best friend about this thinking hed understand but he was a piece of honeysuckle and didn't help the situation and kept saying im a faggot and I just simply don't like girls I like men.
From about 18-22 women walking down the street began becoming eye candy to me. This was the change for me when I started to realize that I am completely straight and all i want in this life is to be with a woman and wrap my arms around her and express my love deeply for her till the day I die, not for a man. I can never possibly imagine that. But as soon as I get in bed with one, my thing goes in like a frightened turtles head!!!!! Nowadays I can't even get hard at all for a woman anymore and for some odd reason when i look at a male i feel myself getting a tiny bit hard even though I cannot do anything with a male at all and have zero feelings for them!!!! The thought of ever doing anything with them would be worse than the scene with Heath Ledger puking in the alleyway in Brokeback Mountain.
WHAT IS HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?! I absolutely adore females from the bottom of my heart and i want to be with them and my stupid ass body keeps ******* rejecting them!!!! its like I was meant to be gay whether I like it or not!!!!!! I lost myself really badly at work today screaming at the top of my lungs!!!!!! I can't have sex cause I don't know what's wrong with me!!!!!! I DONT LIKE MEN!!!!!! I FANTASIZE ABOUT BEING WITH A WOMEN EVERY NIGHT OF MY LIFE!!!!! But I cant get hard for them!!!!!!! so I guess I HAVE to be gay then. Why should i have to live with this torture? I feel like killing myself.......