Im fully attracted to girls but physically gay and I don't know what to do!!!!

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Jimbo74

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First thing im going to say before I start is I have the absolute most respect for gays and I see nothing wrong with people who make this choice in life. I dont hate them. My sister who is the second born of my mother was gay which I am the fourth. Well, let me start off with myself. Without insulting anybody, i am really sorry if I do, or explain too much detail. It's just that i'm so scared I might never truly be straight.

Im 22 years old now. As far as I knew, I wasn't gay. Until I was about 3-4 and I played with this baby doll, apparently it had a penis, and it gave me a hard on. I didn't know why it gave me one, at all. As I got older like 8-11 I had the mental attraction for women that were much older than me of course, and i thought it was straightening me out a little. Then when I got towards my teenage hood it was the worst. I used to have constant homosexual fantasies in my head of classmates but thankfully never attempted to flirt or done anything with anyone. I dont think I had much interest in girls at all, nor confidence in talking to any of them. I kept having these homosexual fantasies and feelings for people and even some friends till I was about 18. I finally had sex with a woman when i was 20, and even though I was attracted to her it was SO ******* HARD to get a hard on she must have regretted that night for the rest of her life. I have had sex with 3 different women so far and even though it straightened me out a hell of a lot to this day I must say i could not get fully hard for any of them. I've never been in a real relationship before these were just friends but still. I just recently came clean to my best friend about this thinking hed understand but he was a piece of honeysuckle and didn't help the situation and kept saying im a faggot and I just simply don't like girls I like men.

From about 18-22 women walking down the street began becoming eye candy to me. This was the change for me when I started to realize that I am completely straight and all i want in this life is to be with a woman and wrap my arms around her and express my love deeply for her till the day I die, not for a man. I can never possibly imagine that. But as soon as I get in bed with one, my thing goes in like a frightened turtles head!!!!! Nowadays I can't even get hard at all for a woman anymore and for some odd reason when i look at a male i feel myself getting a tiny bit hard even though I cannot do anything with a male at all and have zero feelings for them!!!! The thought of ever doing anything with them would be worse than the scene with Heath Ledger puking in the alleyway in Brokeback Mountain.

WHAT IS HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?! I absolutely adore females from the bottom of my heart and i want to be with them and my stupid ass body keeps ******* rejecting them!!!! its like I was meant to be gay whether I like it or not!!!!!! I lost myself really badly at work today screaming at the top of my lungs!!!!!! I can't have sex cause I don't know what's wrong with me!!!!!! I DONT LIKE MEN!!!!!! I FANTASIZE ABOUT BEING WITH A WOMEN EVERY NIGHT OF MY LIFE!!!!! But I cant get hard for them!!!!!!! so I guess I HAVE to be gay then. Why should i have to live with this torture? I feel like killing myself.......
 
Dude, relax.

It sounds like you're bisexual. And there's nothing wrong with that. Plenty of guys date both men and women, and have relationships with both genders.

Think about it. Instead of limiting yourself to one gender, you have a chance to get with 100% of the world population that is also bi. It opened doors, didn't close them.
 
By the way you're asking what's wrong with you, do you think there is something wrong with you being gay?
 
It sounds like you think you need "straightening", and that you are judging yourself pretty harshly for straying from the "norm", and maybe that is part of the problem - I understand that you like to like girls, but your body thinks otherwise? Or is it possible that at some moment in your life you had some traumas that made you deep down not like women's bodies? Or that it's not that you don't like "guys" in general, you feel attraction for them, but you despise the idea of being with a guy?

My 2 cents: find a therapist, but not any therapist, a really nice GAY therapist, who 1) can understand your doubts and will just let you be yourself without trying to pin you in a corner or pass subtle judgement, something that 90% of straight therapists will do and 2) can help you understand what is going on with your feelings, because they might also understand how it feels to be attracted from both sexes in two different ways

Also, please don't panic because first you need to think a lot and find out what sex you prefer and why, and if by any chance it is guys or both, maybe it won't be so bad, it will be nothing like Brokeback mountain which was by the way a pretty stereotypical representation of gay guys.
Or you might find one day a girl who looks or feels like a guy? Infinite possibilities.
Just remember that your life isn't over, you will find a solution, you just need to spend some time thinking about it. And there is NOTHING wrong with you. You just need to understand what your body really wants and why and make peace/ negotiate with that, because finally your true impulses are the boss, but you can always negotiate with what you THINK you want.
 
Maybe don't think of it in terms of physical sexuality, think about it in terms of connecting with someone on a deep emotional level. It shouldn't be about the person's gender, it should be about their heart. I know that sounds preachy, but given what you describe that seems like the formula for you.

Also, lay off the porn. It's a common cause of sexual dysfunction in young men.
 
What's wrong with being gay? Do your family and parents know your sister is gay and if so what did they say when they found out? Did you grow up in a religious home? I see you mentioned being gay is a choice people make. Did you make a choice to get an erection when you were 3 or 4 when you encountered a doll with a penis? Did your 3 to 4 year old self even know what gay or straight is?
I think Peaches gave great advice - if your thoughts and feelings about your sexuality are impinging on your normal everyday life, it would be a good idea to find a therapist or counselor who has experience with your issues.
Rest assured, you are not the first person on the planet to question their sexuality. As long as you knock on the right doors for help, I think you'll be ok.

-Teresa
 
To all that have replied so I can further clarify... I do not want to be with a man. I have no interest or curiosity in dating one and nothing in life is ever gonna make me happy until I have a successful relationship with a woman. This is ******* bullshit. I want nothing more in this life than a wife and children. I have no mental confusions of my sexual orientation. Im just worried that my brain and body are two different things. I fantasize about having the craziest dirtiest sex with women (ONLY) all the time, and fantasize about all these crazy romantic moments i can have with them and only with them. I find thier body features flawless and beautiful, like a true man's desire. And since ive never had a real lover before only fresia buddies the true feelings or connection were never really built. I hope that that is the problem here
 
I think the real problem is that you are objectifying and fantasizing too much. As long as you do this, no real woman, a real PERSON, is going to cut it. My guess is that this is probably why you have had performance anxiety. It has nothing to do with being gay. I am betting you watch a lot of porn. There are studies on how this affects the male psyche.

Seriouslly, check out this website below. It will change your life.

http://www.rebootnation.org/
 
I don't think there's anything wrong with fantasizing. There's endless possibilities of fantasies, and not all of them are so typical.
 
Actually Jimbo, your gender identity sounds basically hetero to me.

As to forming a pair bonded relationship with a woman and working out the bedroom issues.......? Easier said than done. For me, probably for you and for a lot of other people on this site as well.

Best of luck to you. Really.
 
Have you ever been with a man sexually in any way? if so, was your body ale to stay excited? If you haven't been with a male before, why not give it a try and see how you feel. Gay or straight there is nothing wrong with you. experiment a bit and see where you find your excitment and comfort level.
 
Im sorry but i just dont have interest in guys. I probably wouldnt be able to go with it cause i know i wouldnt wanna be that way. Its just my brain wants to make love and have sex with women but my physical body doesnt want it at all. I would love to have a girl of my own and nothing in this world would make me more happier to have that. And i shouldnt ever have to feel like life is taking that away from me. lm really afraid that im going to meet a girl one day that i really like as a person that i have a serious connection with and shes wants to be with me. Then when we finally decide to have sex im gonna get so nervous my penis is gonna flip inside out forbidding me to have sex with her. Nobody understands how i feel. You can all tell me to try things out with a guy but at the end of the day only ME can decide what i truly want for myself
 
Jimbo, the best we can do is offer you advice. We're not making any decision for you. Suggestions and advice offerings are far from telling you what to do. I know personally, I can't exactly grasp what you mean. So, surely trying to explain what you're feeling and going through can seem difficult at times. I suggest taking a few hours to yourself, maybe with some music on, and think about it a bit more. The answer may be more clear than you imagine.
 
I know what i want at the end of the day. And thats a great woman who loves me and understands me and possibly even someone who feels and kinda looks like a male like what peaches said, since i feel like a woman at times and there would be a mutual understanding of what we both deal with. I have a pretty womenly face myself. I never think about what it would be like to have a male partner most likely cause i probably dont want it. I know what i want, and nothing will ever stop me from getting what i want. But somehow my penis doesnt agree and i hate it so much
 
Maybe it goes deeper, not to pry and you don't have to answer it is just something to ponder. Was your father involved in your life growing up and if so how was he as a father? Do you have any brothers and are/were you close with them? Did you have male friends and were you close to them? Could be your physical is a yearning to have some kind of male bonding that you might have been lacking growing up. Just a thought, like I said you don't have to answer those questions they are just hypothetical for you to think about.
 
Sci-Fi said:
Maybe it goes deeper, not to pry and you don't have to answer it is just something to ponder. Was your father involved in your life growing up and if so how was he as a father? Do you have any brothers and are/were you close with them? Did you have male friends and were you close to them? Could be your physical is a yearning to have some kind of male bonding that you might have been lacking growing up. Just a thought, like I said you don't have to answer those questions they are just hypothetical for you to think about.

I have no problem answering any of that. My dad took care of me more than my mom. Even though i loved my mom like crazy my dad raised me more. Im the only male out of all siblings and cousins in my immidiate family. I have really one close friend i knew for 10 years but he is straight of course. I used to catch feelings for guys when i was younger but now like i said i find myself catching feelings for women now and my lust to sexually and romantically please a woman has absolutely sky rocketed only over the course of 5 years. I think i may have been born gay since i experienced it at such a young age. And somehow i turned around towards adulthood because you cant deny anything is possible, right? I love women, from the inside out. And thats all there is to it. But the only way i can get truly aroused by one is if i make physical contact and have a solid connection with one. The feelings have to be developed
 
I think you are in denial of what your body is telling you because you so desperately want to be straight.
 
I dont want to be with a woman because im forcing myself to be straight so i can be considered "normal". I want to be with a woman because its who i WANT to be with. A woman is someone who can truly make me happy. So your telling me i my body is telling me i need a man to stimulate me and i have to learn to love them whether i like it or not? fresia that honeysuckle. I should be entitled to have the person that makes me the most happy. If i have to learn to accept that im meant to be gay i WILL commit suicide. I want a wife. I want children. Ill fuckin blow my brains out. Clearly nobody understands


Jimbo74 said:
I dont want to be with a woman because im forcing myself to be straight so i can be considered "normal". I want to be with a woman because its who i WANT to be with. A woman is someone who can truly make me happy. So your telling me my body is telling me i need a man to stimulate me and i have to learn to love them whether i like it or not? fresia that honeysuckle. I should be entitled to have the person that makes me the most happy. If i have to learn to accept that im meant to be gay i WILL commit suicide. I want a wife. I want children. Ill fuckin blow my brains out. Clearly nobody understands


All these people on here telling me i need to accept my homosexuality for what it is and learn to love men because my body is telling me to and not my brain makes me want to kill myself. Not because im not "normal". Because i want to be with a woman cause i truly love them and life is taking that away from me so if i cant have a wife i will fuckin kill myself!!


If nobody can at least understand that then im messed.
 
Jimbo74 said:
First thing im going to say before I start is I have the absolute most respect for gays and I see nothing wrong with people who make this choice in life. I dont hate them. My sister who is the second born of my mother was gay which I am the fourth. Well, let me start off with myself. Without insulting anybody, i am really sorry if I do, or explain too much detail. It's just that i'm so scared I might never truly be straight.

Im 22 years old now. As far as I knew, I wasn't gay. Until I was about 3-4 and I played with this baby doll, apparently it had a penis, and it gave me a hard on. I didn't know why it gave me one, at all. As I got older like 8-11 I had the mental attraction for women that were much older than me of course, and i thought it was straightening me out a little. Then when I got towards my teenage hood it was the worst. I used to have constant homosexual fantasies in my head of classmates but thankfully never attempted to flirt or done anything with anyone. I dont think I had much interest in girls at all, nor confidence in talking to any of them. I kept having these homosexual fantasies and feelings for people and even some friends till I was about 18. I finally had sex with a woman when i was 20, and even though I was attracted to her it was SO ******* HARD to get a hard on she must have regretted that night for the rest of her life. I have had sex with 3 different women so far and even though it straightened me out a hell of a lot to this day I must say i could not get fully hard for any of them. I've never been in a real relationship before these were just friends but still. I just recently came clean to my best friend about this thinking hed understand but he was a piece of honeysuckle and didn't help the situation and kept saying im a faggot and I just simply don't like girls I like men.

From about 18-22 women walking down the street began becoming eye candy to me. This was the change for me when I started to realize that I am completely straight and all i want in this life is to be with a woman and wrap my arms around her and express my love deeply for her till the day I die, not for a man. I can never possibly imagine that. But as soon as I get in bed with one, my thing goes in like a frightened turtles head!!!!! Nowadays I can't even get hard at all for a woman anymore and for some odd reason when i look at a male i feel myself getting a tiny bit hard even though I cannot do anything with a male at all and have zero feelings for them!!!! The thought of ever doing anything with them would be worse than the scene with Heath Ledger puking in the alleyway in Brokeback Mountain.

WHAT IS HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!?! I absolutely adore females from the bottom of my heart and i want to be with them and my stupid ass body keeps ******* rejecting them!!!! its like I was meant to be gay whether I like it or not!!!!!! I lost myself really badly at work today screaming at the top of my lungs!!!!!! I can't have sex cause I don't know what's wrong with me!!!!!! I DONT LIKE MEN!!!!!! I FANTASIZE ABOUT BEING WITH A WOMEN EVERY NIGHT OF MY LIFE!!!!! But I cant get hard for them!!!!!!! so I guess I HAVE to be gay then. Why should i have to live with this torture? I feel like killing myself.......


What is wrong is that you are not looking for love, but sex.
Why don't you become a decent human being and give it up altogether till you grow up..
A few bad experiences turned you against women, your big ego had to try something else.
Find a woman you love and who loves you and you will have solved the problem.
 

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