I just cut my arm. I'm worried.

I just felt so fed up and sick of it all that I just wanted to feel pain enough to resemble how I feel inside. I wanted to see the blood and see what I am missing inside. I have to be missing something. I wouldn't feel so empty if I wasn't missing something. Even in a sea of company and support and succession at uni and music I still have a deep emptiness. I wish someone could fill that emptiness but it seems impossible, too far away.

Why do I have to see beauty and have it out of my reach. Why does my brain have to see such perfection when it cannot be attained. What I want is in an impenetrable fortress and I cannot get to it so why do I need to see it. I wish I just felt nothing when I saw someone. I wish I was just a piece of sand on the beach in front of another piece of sand indifferent to the situation, yet that other piece of sand has to be beautiful and unreachable.

I have never ever felt the need to harm myself before and I always said I wouldn't do it. Yet here I am, here are the marks. I am ashamed, and worried. I don't want to do it ever again. Still I can't choose what happens just like I can't control how I see desire out of my reach. I never see attainable desire when meeting someone of beauty. I wish just didn't care about attraction; be asexual and just get on with my life, but it won't happen.

Is there anyone offline who you can tell about this? We will help all we can, but you also need someone who can listen and who can support you face to face.
I have also cut myself many times in the past and found that it took away for a short time the inner pain, but it really isn't the best way to deal with your feelings.
Please turn to all the sources of support you can (including us) to get you through this.

I'm so sorry you felt the need to do that. I don't think you are missing anything inside, except maybe some optimism. I agree with Tiina that you should talk to someone about it, but coming here with it is a good first step.
Have you considered finding an alternative method of relieving your frustrations that aren't quite so dangerous? Get a punching bag or scream into a pillow or take up an exercise you enjoy. Maybe even martial arts. Anything that will allow to to release your emotions in a healthy way that won't hurt you.

Dear-_-Tragedy said:

I just felt so fed up and sick of it all that I just wanted to feel pain enough to resemble how I feel inside. I wanted to see the blood and see what I am missing inside. I have to be missing something. I wouldn't feel so empty if I wasn't missing something. Even in a sea of company and support and succession at uni and music I still have a deep emptiness. I wish someone could fill that emptiness but it seems impossible, too far away.

Why do I have to see beauty and have it out of my reach. Why does my brain have to see such perfection when it cannot be attained. What I want is in an impenetrable fortress and I cannot get to it so why do I need to see it. I wish I just felt nothing when I saw someone. I wish I was just a piece of sand on the beach in front of another piece of sand indifferent to the situation, yet that other piece of sand has to be beautiful and unreachable.

I have never ever felt the need to harm myself before and I always said I wouldn't do it. Yet here I am, here are the marks. I am ashamed, and worried. I don't want to do it ever again. Still I can't choose what happens just like I can't control how I see desire out of my reach. I never see attainable desire when meeting someone of beauty. I wish just didn't care about attraction; be asexual and just get on with my life, but it won't happen.

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Please PM me. I have been where you are. We can work through this.

I'm just sick of my routine. Waking up too late, being lazy, doing bare minimum in my studies, going to sleep alone. Being alone is the worst part. Sure I have friends and family but I just feel sad even with that. I think a girlfriend is really what I need.
I know people say you should improve yourself, get fit, study better, go to sleep at the 'right time' but even when I do that, it yealds no results in achieving a relationship. I can't really say I've fully tried getting fit but I'm not too unfit so I don't think it is that. I am really really bored of my life and I know where it is going. honeysuckle job, loss of friends, loss of family and then where would I be? No friends or family which won't help my efforts to get a girlfriend. I will just be more depressed. I am just sick of being me, spending time with me.
I keep trying to get to know girls but it never goes past friendship. Its like they know all the honeysuckle I've been through and just don't want to get close to me. All my friends and I mean all of them are in a relationship. It has come to a point now where I don't want to be around them because seeing them all together saddens me more.
I cut because of those reasons but probably mostly because I was drunk. I don't think I will do it again but I don't want to tell anyone I know because it will distress me more.

Dear Tragedy, if you don't feel the urge to do it again, draw a line under it and move on. Beating yourself up over it is just going to make matters worse. You're aware you've come to a low point in your life and from now on the only way is up. Many of us can relate to how you are feeling so you're not alone. If you ever feel urges to self harm or just feel really depressed come to talk to us on here. Have you been to see your doctor? Maybe some anti depressants or counselling might help? I'm trying my fifth lot of anti depressants as i've also reached a low point where i'm not prepared to go on feeling like this. Take the pressure off yourself in the girlfriend department and take a break from looking. Girls will be able to sense when you're not happy with yourself. Making changes is really really difficult I know, but try to focus on your goals, your studies, take up a new activity which makes you happy and distracts yourself from how you are feeling. Try to 'fake it until you make it'. There's no other option. You can't send yourself spiralling even deeper than you are already. Lots of support on here for you

don't do it again please you matter - from another stranger who thinks everyone matters! and they do!