Went to strip club to explore female physical intimacy, anyone can relate?

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River Lion

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LONG BORING INTRO FOR CONTEXT:

Hi everyone. I know its been a while since I was last here. I was last here on June 19, 2014. Wow.

Last time I made a thread about how to talk to women in a university setting. To keep my follow-up short, no, I did not make any progress. I returned to school in September and made no progress with flirting, dating, and all that stuff.

I am not saddened by this fact. In fact, I am totally unmoved. Maybe it is because I am too stoic, or I have given up on the quest of trying to form intimate relationships.

STRAIGHT TO THE POINT:

I turned 19 last August. At that point, I still hadn't hugged, kissed, dated, flirted, or done anything intimiate with a woman. I didn't feel angry, or sexually frustrated. I just felt nothing but a tiny bit of curiosity. I knew I could wait until I got my social life in order, but I didn't care to wait.

So I decided I wanted to just end it. I am 19, I have a job, why not withdraw $100 from the bank and head to the stirp club down the road from the university.

That's exactly what I did. I'm not going to waste time going into the details of the whole trip. But, as you can expect, I have now seen a pair of breasts in real life (not on a computer screen). I have also paid for a private dance. I have felt a woman bite my ear, breathe down my neck, rub her breasts in my face, etc. (but no kissing or sex, obviously)

I guess this sort of emulates the physical actions you'd recieve from an intimate female partner. But there is a MASSIVE chunk missing. And that is the emotional connection.
My stripper, Bethany, who bit my ear could only emulate the physical aspect of what a girlfriend would offer me. But the emotional, romantic, connection I would feel as context in an intimate moment is absent. It will be absent until I find an actual girlfriend. And for this reason, I think strip clubs and escorts only fill the void temporarily but will never provide full closure.


So I bring you this story because I want to discuss a few things.

- Has anyone else done this? Felt too lazy to overcome their hurdles with women and just decided to "take the easy way out" and pay for intimacy?

- I have read lots of stories about virgin men who eventually gave up the pursuit and paid for an escort. What do you think of this action? Is it cowardly, unhealthy...or is it a positive way to end a fruitless endeavour?
 
I'm not a man nor have I sought physical intimacy with women so maybe I'm not your intended target in your post. :)
I have the opposite problem - have been through emotionally intimate relationships and just wish I could locate a man (male strip club?) for some physicality.
Funny world, huh? :)
To answer your last question, I don't particularly find it cowardly or unhealthy for an adult man to pay for adult female company but maybe it's because of my age and I'm more of a realist than I was in my 20s.
There's been at least one thread on the escort topic - enter those if you dare! :)

-Teresa
 
SofiasMami said:
I have the opposite problem - have been through emotionally intimate relationships and just wish I could locate a man (male strip club?) for some physicality.
-Teresa

This is interesting. In your emotionally intimate relationships, was there no physical aspect at all?

I thought you could have physiciality without emotion, but never thought you could have emotion without physicality. But it seems you've had that.

Elaborate if you can, it is peculiar to my untrained mind.
 
River Lion said:
SofiasMami said:
I have the opposite problem - have been through emotionally intimate relationships and just wish I could locate a man (male strip club?) for some physicality.
-Teresa

This is interesting. In your emotionally intimate relationships, was there no physical aspect at all?

Yes, with my ex-partners, there was physical intimacy as well. Sorry I wasn't clear on that. Emotional intimacy , however, was the main reason from my point of view for being in a relationship. That may be what the OP is getting at.
The physical part was like the icing on the cake.
But a Relationship is not in my deck of cards at the moment. There are some bits of it that I miss though.

We women sort of have it good in that it seems more acceptable to be emotionally close to those of our own gender. I have some close friends that I confide in like I would a husband. I think society makes it harder for men to be emotionally close to other men but that's a whole other topic.

-Teresa
 
I hope your strip clubs in your area are a lot...cleaner...than the ones around here. Nothing like walking into a place and having yours shoes stick to the floor.

Anyway, to hear a 19 year old crave the emotional aspect of being with someone is great. At that age some are more about doing the deed than having an emotional connection. Nothing wrong with being curious either, and nothing wrong with seeking out an escort if that's the way someone decides to go. It's not for everyone, and you should check things out and investigate such options before stepping into it. There are lots to be concerned with when hooking up with a random stranger you don't know.
 
I don't see anything morally wrong with seeking out a sex worker, but you will never get an emotional connection that way. You might be able to pay them to hang out with and talk with you. they may even develop a certain fondness for you if you do this regularly, but emotional intimacy is a very hard thing to find. You'd have more luck with a pen pal if that is what you are looking for, honestly.


SofiasMami said:
River Lion said:
SofiasMami said:
I have the opposite problem - have been through emotionally intimate relationships and just wish I could locate a man (male strip club?) for some physicality.
-Teresa

This is interesting. In your emotionally intimate relationships, was there no physical aspect at all?

Yes, with my ex-partners, there was physical intimacy as well. Sorry I wasn't clear on that. Emotional intimacy , however, was the main reason from my point of view for being in a relationship. That may be what the OP is getting at.
The physical part was like the icing on the cake.
But a Relationship is not in my deck of cards at the moment. There are some bits of it that I miss though.

We women sort of have it good in that it seems more acceptable to be emotionally close to those of our own gender. I have some close friends that I confide in like I would a husband. I think society makes it harder for men to be emotionally close to other men but that's a whole other topic.

-Teresa

I go to support groups that are mostly men, and we do a lot of sharing in that context, but you're right, it's unusual and uncomfortable for most men to be emotionally open with eachother. Probably why I seek out women as friends. Even if there are never any sparks, women are much better listeners usually.
 
River Lion said:
LONG BORING INTRO FOR CONTEXT:

Hi everyone. I know its been a while since I was last here. I was last here on June 19, 2014. Wow.

Last time I made a thread about how to talk to women in a university setting. To keep my follow-up short, no, I did not make any progress. I returned to school in September and made no progress with flirting, dating, and all that stuff.

I am not saddened by this fact. In fact, I am totally unmoved. Maybe it is because I am too stoic, or I have given up on the quest of trying to form intimate relationships.

STRAIGHT TO THE POINT:

I turned 19 last August. At that point, I still hadn't hugged, kissed, dated, flirted, or done anything intimiate with a woman. I didn't feel angry, or sexually frustrated. I just felt nothing but a tiny bit of curiosity. I knew I could wait until I got my social life in order, but I didn't care to wait.

So I decided I wanted to just end it. I am 19, I have a job, why not withdraw $100 from the bank and head to the stirp club down the road from the university.

That's exactly what I did. I'm not going to waste time going into the details of the whole trip. But, as you can expect, I have now seen a pair of breasts in real life (not on a computer screen). I have also paid for a private dance. I have felt a woman bite my ear, breathe down my neck, rub her breasts in my face, etc. (but no kissing or sex, obviously)

I guess this sort of emulates the physical actions you'd recieve from an intimate female partner. But there is a MASSIVE chunk missing. And that is the emotional connection.
My stripper, Bethany, who bit my ear could only emulate the physical aspect of what a girlfriend would offer me. But the emotional, romantic, connection I would feel as context in an intimate moment is absent. It will be absent until I find an actual girlfriend. And for this reason, I think strip clubs and escorts only fill the void temporarily but will never provide full closure.


So I bring you this story because I want to discuss a few things.

- Has anyone else done this? Felt too lazy to overcome their hurdles with women and just decided to "take the easy way out" and pay for intimacy?

- I have read lots of stories about virgin men who eventually gave up the pursuit and paid for an escort. What do you think of this action? Is it cowardly, unhealthy...or is it a positive way to end a fruitless endeavour?

Yes I 'paid for it' when I was 28. It was the best thing I ever did. Gave me a massive amount of confidence. I don't see anything wrong with it. It was never going to happen the normal way with me anyway. I have the money. I don't see it as 'cowardly' or 'taking the easy way out' either. It's not necessary unhealthy either. Plenty of websites where you can do some research before hand. It's always fun and I always enjoy it. I meet some really nice women. The talking before hand is as important as what follows after.
 
River Lion said:
I have a job, why not withdraw $100 from the bank and head to the stirp club down the road from the university.

That's exactly what I did.

That is 100% legal. I went to strip clubs between 2003 and 2009. I am 100% heterosexual.

If I had good money, I would be interested in dating.

Now I am looking for male friends.
 
River Lion said:
So I bring you this story because I want to discuss a few things.

- Has anyone else done this? Felt too lazy to overcome their hurdles with women and just decided to "take the easy way out" and pay for intimacy?

- I have read lots of stories about virgin men who eventually gave up the pursuit and paid for an escort. What do you think of this action? Is it cowardly, unhealthy...or is it a positive way to end a fruitless endeavour?

I'm a 28, soon to be 28 and a half year old virgin here. No sex, no relationships, nothing. The furthest I've gone are two make-out sessions with girls I didn't even want to kiss (they initiated it). I didn't even really enjoy it. I just couldn't figure out how to get out of the situation without coming off as rude.

Anyway. Have I ever gone to a strip club or anything like it? No. For the longest time, I said I would not go to one. But this summer, one of my friends had a bachelor party, and the plan had been to end the night by going to a strip club. At that point I was so frustrated with women that I was ready to say the hell with it, and gone. However, we wound up not going, and while I am still very frustrated with women I'm glad that we didn't go. It's just one of my lines that I don't want to cross. I've never been to a strip club but the idea of them has always given me a sleazy vibe. I feel like it goes against being the nice, friendly person that I was raised to be and still want to be although sometimes my frustration and anger get the best of me. I think to myself, I just don't want to be the kind of guy who goes to a strip club. I don't want to be a person who pays for intimacy. I want to believe that I can succeed if I just pull myself together.

Also, I already have a huge problem with laziness and giving up in my life and I feel like I need to really be firm with myself about saying "no" to the easy way out. I've already chosen the easy way out lots of times before in life and am really hurting now because of it. I've also crossed a few lines already that I said I wouldn't cross, and I now wish I had not crossed them. I wish I had been stronger then. I think that if I started going to strip clubs, I would be that much more tempted to give up on the idea of finding a mate or on changing my identity so that I can get someone interested in me. I just think back to the other times I've given up and I think to myself, every other time I've given up it's been the wrong choice. I feel that if I give up on anything else now, I'll be one step closer to just giving up on all of my dreams, giving up on life entirely. It's deeply important to me to be the kind of person who can beat these problems.

As far as paying for an escort goes, I've said it before and I'll say it again - I think it's a very bad idea. All it takes is one mistake with a really sick escort to get you really sick as well, and then you'll have another problem on your hands - loneliness, and terminal illness. And it will all have been your own doing. I'd feel absolutely terrible if that happened to me. No, as frustrated as I am with women and as hopeless as it looks for me, I wouldn't hire an escort. The risk is too great. Plus, I think it's gross.




Anyway. I am not judging YOU for your decision to go to the strip club. I'm just saying that I don't want to go myself. It would only remind me of my problems rather than ease my frustration, and then I'd feel like a quitter on top of it. I'd feel like the problem was just too strong for me and I'd feel that much more hopeless, lazy, and beaten. I'm really trying to get some faith in myself, but I think for me paying for intimacy would only put me in a worse place than I'm already in.
 
I don't think anyone should pass judgement on another's personal choices.
YOU may think an escort is a bad idea. That is your own choice. Saying it is bad for everyone? Over-reacting.
You can get a STD from anyone.
If a guy is serious about contacting an escort, it is like anything else - do your research first, take precautions, and you'll be fine - and, as we've read here, a lot happier.

I feel anyone should make a choice based on their own preferences. Intimacy is not written in black and white, and is not something that is a guarantee in one's life - although, you constantly hear platitudes coaxing otherwise.
Tossing $100 out of your wallet at a strip club is harmless fun. I've done it a few times in my younger days. It's not anything close to contact with an escort, where you pay for sexual contact. I haven't visited an escort, but after the mental anguish I've been put through over the past 2 years, I plan to explore physical contact in a sexual manner with a woman, devoid of emotional investment. I'm done with working at intimacy and having nothing but bad experiences.
 
I went to a strip club once and hated it. Boring. Smelled of tobacco and booze. Depressed looking middle aged men ogling ugly women. All designed to get you to part with your money. You'll find better atmosphere in a cheap casino.

I prefer free porn and masturbation and one of these days I'm going to go for a high end escort. If I'm going to pay, I want the real thing and I want a young, good-looking woman.

I'm desperate, but I'll never be desperate enough to screw an ugly fat old hooker that has been penetrated who knows how many times.
 
Whoa, that is inappropriate doc, very uncalled for. They are still people, someones daughters, mothers, sisters, I bet you wouldn't like it if someone said those things about you. That might be you opinion but you don't get to degrade them like that. Be a bit more respectful of other people no matter what their profession.
 
It doesn't seem like much of "short cut" if what you're getting bears no resemblance to intimacy with a partner. Moralizing aside, intercourse with a woman who clearly just wants it over with is likely to kill whatever remains of someone's self-esteem, depending on how sensitive they are of course.
 
If you are only willing to spend $100 for 15 minutes, of course it's gonna be over quick.
Professional, classy escorts who charge several hundred dollars and up will spend time to make sure you enjoy yourself, it is all about you - you are paying for their time. They aren't doing crossword puzzles in their head while having sex.
I would not advise going the cheap route - you get what you pay for.

And whoever said sex must always equate to intimacy, Ardour? You? That's your opinion. Sex can be something completely different and enjoyable,our mind willing, without any emotional connection. It exists in this world without having to be romantically involved with someone. i only wish I understood that when I was younger.
I've had sex without being in a romantic relationship with my female partner (we discussed this concept before we got into the sack), and I gotta say, it was great - no hangups, no problems and no disappointments , like I have experienced when I was in an intimate relationship.

Great if you want to wait on the sidelines of life, hoping by some miracle or divine intervention that a girlfriend will appear in your life,
turning your world around. I prefer to be pro-active, and nd the same time, realistic. I'm not gonna wait around for another 5 years of trial and error. Life is short.
 
ardour said:
It doesn't seem like much of "short cut" if what you're getting bears no resemblance to intimacy with a partner. Moralizing aside, intercourse with a woman who clearly just wants it over with is likely to kill whatever remains of someone's self-esteem, depending on how sensitive they are of course.


No these women are good at their jobs. They want you to come back.


ABrokenMan said:
If you are only willing to spend $100 for 15 minutes, of course it's gonna be over quick.
Professional, classy escorts who charge several hundred dollars and up will spend time to make sure you enjoy yourself, it is all about you - you are paying for their time. They aren't doing crossword puzzles in their head while having sex.
I would not advise going the cheap route - you get what you pay for.

And whoever said sex must always equate to intimacy, Ardour? You? That's your opinion. Sex can be something completely different and enjoyable,our mind willing, without any emotional connection. It exists in this world without having to be romantically involved with someone. i only wish I understood that when I was younger.
I've had sex without being in a romantic relationship with my female partner (we discussed this concept before we got into the sack), and I gotta say, it was great - no hangups, no problems and no disappointments , like I have experienced when I was in an intimate relationship.

Great if you want to wait on the sidelines of life, hoping by some miracle or divine intervention that a girlfriend will appear in your life,
turning your world around. I prefer to be pro-active, and nd the same time, realistic. I'm not gonna wait around for another 5 years of trial and error. Life is short.


Well said !

Realistic is the key word here. For some of us it's unlikely ever to happen.
 
I have been in a strip club, with lads from work, years ago in my 20s. Didn't do much for me, but then I am gay. I have also once, when very drunk, had oral sex from a female prostitute I met near Earls Court. We went to a gay bar together. As I say, I was very drunk. For the record, she was very good at it. I remember thinking 'either she really enjoys this, or she is really good at her job'.

Anyway, enough of my sordid past.

i don't think there is anything particularly 'wrong' with it, unless it becomes compulsive. If it is just a way of exploring something, or a bit of fun, where's the harm? Clearly there will never be any emotional involvement, though it may be feigned to get you to spend more.

And there's the nub. The whole thing is 'staged' in a way even the most casual sexual encounter between two strangers isn't. There is an 'unnatural' aspect to it. Some man prefer that, I guess. It makes things less complicated in a way, as both parties know exactly where they stand. But the danger of the man deluding himself is also there.
 
ABrokenMan said:
Great if you want to wait on the sidelines of life, hoping by some miracle or divine intervention that a girlfriend will appear in your life,
turning your world around. I prefer to be pro-active, and nd the same time, realistic. I'm not gonna wait around for another 5 years of trial and error. Life is short.

This is well written. Very well so. And it describes me perfectly, particularly that "divine intervention" part. That was me in 2013/2014

I was as sexually untainted as they come, and hadn't even hugged a female or had female friends. I kept telling myself "just wait, it'll happen. Just wait, it'll happen. One day some beautiful girl will be in your class and she will share similar interests and you will naturally speak well with her and on and on and on...."

But then I realized I'm sick of waiting and miracles are not guaranteed. And I sure as hell don't have the work ethic or commitment to go the gym, become muscular, make money, take seduction classes, do research, and transform myself into a super attractive, charismatic, seductive, gentlemen who can make a women surrender to him with ease.

And that's where the whole "commercial intimacy" comes in.

Of course, there are risks. Like another poster mentioned. You could get an STD, she could rob you (maybe snatch your wallet while your clothes are separated from you). She could have 5 gangsters waiting outside the door that burst in and take naked pictures of you and ask for ransom or threaten to assassinate your character. Who knows.

I have thought of taking an escort, but I have absolutely no idea where to begin. And the fact I'm 19 working minimum wage means that spending $400 on an escort is not super easy.

I guess I might return to the strip club one last time, then really think this through. The whole escort thing. It needs some thought.
 
not sure a strip club is the place you are going to find a realistic comparison to a healthy relationship
 
River Lion said:
ABrokenMan said:
Great if you want to wait on the sidelines of life, hoping by some miracle or divine intervention that a girlfriend will appear in your life,
turning your world around. I prefer to be pro-active, and nd the same time, realistic. I'm not gonna wait around for another 5 years of trial and error. Life is short.

This is well written. Very well so. And it describes me perfectly, particularly that "divine intervention" part. That was me in 2013/2014

I was as sexually untainted as they come, and hadn't even hugged a female or had female friends. I kept telling myself "just wait, it'll happen. Just wait, it'll happen. One day some beautiful girl will be in your class and she will share similar interests and you will naturally speak well with her and on and on and on...."

But then I realized I'm sick of waiting and miracles are not guaranteed. And I sure as hell don't have the work ethic or commitment to go the gym, become muscular, make money, take seduction classes, do research, and transform myself into a super attractive, charismatic, seductive, gentlemen who can make a women surrender to him with ease.

And that's where the whole "commercial intimacy" comes in.

Of course, there are risks. Like another poster mentioned. You could get an STD, she could rob you (maybe snatch your wallet while your clothes are separated from you). She could have 5 gangsters waiting outside the door that burst in and take naked pictures of you and ask for ransom or threaten to assassinate your character. Who knows.

I have thought of taking an escort, but I have absolutely no idea where to begin. And the fact I'm 19 working minimum wage means that spending $400 on an escort is not super easy.

I guess I might return to the strip club one last time, then really think this through. The whole escort thing. It needs some thought.

19 does seem a bit young. I would only suggest it as a good idea to people in their late twenties and older.
 
I'm 38. 39 in a little over a month. I've never had any physical intimacy or affection either. I can't remember what a hug feels like. Never held hands. Or cuddled. Haven't had my first kiss yet.

At times, I've thought about going to a prostitute. I've been told, for much of my life, that if I wanted a woman to touch me, I would have to pay for it anyway. That that is the only way anyone would ever show me any 'affection'. And I've been in to a brothel .... and felt increasingly sick, not at what goes on there, but at how fake it all was, and at how that was apparently how my sexual life was supposed to be. All empty and pretend, and just put on if I had enough money. I left, pretty much ran out to be honest, with out doing anything.

Maybe it's OK for some people, and hey, good for them, but for me, the lack of any emotion in it ... the lack of any affection ... just makes it all, well, seem worthless. They can say how much they've been waiting for you, how much they want you, and all of that, but you know they mean none of it. She might choose to do this, or she might be being forced to 'service' a certain number of men a day, and all your money will do is go straight in to the pockets of criminals. And anyway, either way, she doesn't really want to be with you. So, even if she chooses to do this line of work, to me, it would kind of feel like I would be degrading her by forcing her to be with someone she doesn't want or even care about.

And that is why I won't pay for it. I want the woman I share it with to want to share the experience with me too. It doesn't have to be out of love, but, at least for there to be some affection and care in it. Maybe it's an old fashioned, deluded point of view. It sure doesn't make being a virgin any easier. It sometimes feels like people don't understand how the lack of affection, the lack of physical touch and intimacy can feel so .... so crippling. There are times when it literally feels like a physical pain, when I'm almost physically sick from crying, for just wanting to know, and feel, a hug, a hand to hold, a kiss. I feel disjointed from the world. That there is a part of me that is empty. Not missing, but just empty. And I want to fill that part. I've never understood why I don't seem to ever be allowed to ....

I'm sorry if this seems rather rambling. It is quite an emotional thing for me to write about, and lately, it has been quite worse than usual. Like I said, I'm almost 39, and I really don't want to be the literal 40 year old virgin.

Anyway, like I said, for some people it's OK. But for others, it's not. I just think that you have to be really sure that that is what you want. Because you can't go back and change it if, or when, you meet that girl that will want to be with you.
 

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