Haven't been coping well

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WallflowerGirl83

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I've been trying to keep it together, I go to the doctor and I visit with my therapist to talk about my feelings and both things have been helping. The last two months have been going horrible for me. Christmas was lonely as ever, my family didn't do anything. All we did was have carry out Chinese food and the most of the day I spent inside my bedroom feeling sad cause we were supposed to go to the movies but instead we didn't go. New Years was rough on me cause I didn't have anyone around me, I didn't drink. I actually gave up drinking and I have no friends to really hang out with. Than this month I've been constantly deleting people off of my Facebook and Skype cause people don't talk to me any longer. I guess we grew apart or something has changed, even including people who I met off of the Forum. They told me that they would always talk to me and keep in contact with me but they also have been ignoring me.

I've been avoiding Facebook all together cause it depresses me cause nobody sends me messages any longer. I'm so faithful to everyone but everyone around me always ends up disappearing. A few nights ago I was feeling really sad and I saw my father's pain pills and I took three of them cause I wanted to numb out the sadness that I've been feeling. I know it's stupid that I did that, but I just feel like I'm no longer cared about anymore. I visited my therapist this week and I told her about it and I told her how I'm still not completely over getting abused by my ex boyfriend. I feel like I'm almost over it, but I'm still angry about him abusing me. Feel horrible for not going to the police about him raping me but I feel like it's a little bit too late now. I'm actually scared to tell them all the details cause I don't want to go through the court proceedings. I'm glad I didn't have to go through it when my father sexually molested me but I won't go through this with my ex boyfriend. I rather have him out of my life for good and that's what I've gotten. I'm sorry for all the ranting away, but I'm not in a good place right now and I needed to get this all of my chest. :(
 
You should go to the police. There is no statute of limitations on rape. He should be in prison.
 
^ I agree with him, you should see the police dear. *hugs* :(

I'm so sorry that you have been feeling this way, there's nothing wrong feeling this way and you shouldn't be numbing your feelings. I want to think that the feelings are there for reason to make you heal slowly. And healing happens when you try to accept the feelings and work with them. Numbing doesn't do anything good for you, since you have to work with the feelings someday anyway, they will come back even after ''numbing''. I don't want to sound mean or anything, but it's completely natural to you feel the way you are feeling right now. It will get better and you can go through this, I believe in you. <3 It's NEVER too late to go to a police, he/she is there only for helping you and that is what you need right now. He needs the punishment for hurting you, it only hurts you more when prolonging it. Please take care, okey? You can always talk to me if needed.
 
^ I agree with these two. Getting this guy behind bars will at least give that issue some closure, which might help a bit.

Also, I apologize if this accidentally sounds rude, but by ignoring, do you mean you send them messages and they don't reply, or that they never seem to start any conversations?

There are about 3 people who've posted. I'm sure we care that you make it through this tough time. You're still loved.
Sorry you're feeling this way dear. I hope it gets better soon. Hang in there. *BIG hugs*
 
Mr Seal The Albatros said:
Also, I apologize if this accidentally sounds rude, but by ignoring, do you mean you send them messages and they don't reply, or that they never seem to start any conversations?

I have the same question. I feel the same way sometimes, but really they aren't ignoring me.
 
I understand your not wanting to go to the police, and you are right not to if you don't feel strong enough. You might find however that doing so and getting what happened to you put in the light makes you feel more empowered, and lessen your anger.

Its good that you are seeing a therapist and I hope you are discussing the rape with her/him. However you might want to try The Rape Crisis Centre where there are people who specialise in this area and can help and support and really understand you, whatever you decide to do about it.

It can be a hard thing to get over all by yourself, so give them a call and have a chat. You may find its a lot better than Facebook or being alone in your bedroom.

In the U.S. ..National Sexual Assault Hotline 1-800-656-HOPE
might be a starting place for you or look up a local rape crisis centre.
 
Amthorn said:
You should go to the police. There is no statute of limitations on rape. He should be in prison.

Actually there is.

Wallflower, you always seemed like a nice sweet person who doesn't deserve to let those past cretins get you down. It can be really hard to get over traumatic things in your past, but do you want to live with it keeping you down or show you can rise above it. It seems like you want to do the latter but are just having trouble getting there. If Facebook is adding to your problems you can temporarily delete it then reactivate it when you feel ready to go back. Seems like you are trying to get rid of the negative in your life, just need to find some positive and focus on that more.
 
I think it would empower you to go to the police and report his sorry ass. i know you don't want to, I know that it will feel like a lot of work and too much to hash over again...but it could make you feel stronger, knowing that you have a voice and people hear you. By reporting him and making it known that you aboslutly do have power and control over your own feelings can prove a lot not only to him, and those that you feel have been ignoring you, but to yourself, which is the MOST important.

I know this is a hard situation to be in, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, it couldn't have been easy. Do what you feel is best for you and take good care. (hug)

 
WallflowerGirl do you live at your parents' home? I'm sensing from the context of your post that you do. At your age, in your 30's, maybe finding a place of your own would be a good start at turning things around for yourself. If it's doable from a logistics perspective.
 
Please go to the police :( I feel so sad reading this. That person is living a better life than you while keeping you in misery. You should have a better life than him. Get his behind bars. Dont bottle up your feelings.
 
I hope things get better for you, didnt realize you were having such a hard time. I sent you a message, ill be praying for you and i genuinely hope youre able to find some peace. Im here if you ever feel like talking. I dont have any magic advice just that i hope you wont give up on people and yourself either, i know when youre in that sittuation it can feel like theres no hope, but there always is as long as you dont give up looking for it.

I wrote this for you just now kinda a dumb little thing but i cant exactly send a card or something, i dont know just felt like you needed to know somebody cared even if its some random dude on the net you dont really know. Its about hope, and how my own hope is that you wont stop looking for yours.

it may feel like hope has left you
And youre standing there alone
facing down a firing squad
waiting for the dawn

I hope that youll remember
even if you cant see
youre never quite alone
cause youve got a friend in me

hope is not a magic thing
it lives within us all
its kinda like long distance
waiting for the call

but one day its coming
itll wake you from your sleep
youll see that theres meaning
even when you weep

just gotta keep on walking
dont turn or let it fade
theres meaning in the movement
and the passing of the days

like flowers on the wall
might just be a pretty picture
but theres meaning to it all

and its just a day away
its just around the bend
if you can hangon to let go
it will be waiting then

with a smile and an embrace
not just another day
finally your heart was healed
and you were on your way


a thousand heartaches in this life
but also a thousand dreams
blending in the backdrop
but you gotta take time to see

you can get where youre going
despite where you been
the road keeps on going
but youll make it in the end.
 
shadetree said:
I hope things get better for you, didnt realize you were having such a hard time. I sent you a message, ill be praying for you and i genuinely hope youre able to find some peace. Im here if you ever feel like talking. I dont have any magic advice just that i hope you wont give up on people and yourself either, i know when youre in that sittuation it can feel like theres no hope, but there always is as long as you dont give up looking for it.

I wrote this for you just now kinda a dumb little thing but i cant exactly send a card or something, i dont know just felt like you needed to know somebody cared even if its some random dude on the net you dont really know. Its about hope, and how my own hope is that you wont stop looking for yours.

it may feel like hope has left you
And youre standing there alone
facing down a firing squad
waiting for the dawn

I hope that youll remember
even if you cant see
youre never quite alone
cause youve got a friend in me

hope is not a magic thing
it lives within us all
its kinda like long distance
waiting for the call

but one day its coming
itll wake you from your sleep
youll see that theres meaning
even when you weep

just gotta keep on walking
dont turn or let it fade
theres meaning in the movement
and the passing of the days

like flowers on the wall
might just be a pretty picture
but theres meaning to it all

and its just a day away
its just around the bend
if you can hangon to let go
it will be waiting then

with a smile and an embrace
not just another day
finally your heart was healed
and you were on your way


a thousand heartaches in this life
but also a thousand dreams
blending in the backdrop
but you gotta take time to see

you can get where youre going
despite where you been
the road keeps on going
but youll make it in the end.
Anytime I try to send you a message. This keeps coming up.

shadetree has private messaging disabled. You cannot send private messages to this user.

So this is why I can't send you a message back. I've always wanted to talk to you, but it says you're private message is disabled.
 
WallflowerGirl83 said:
shadetree said:
I hope things get better for you, didnt realize you were having such a hard time. I sent you a message, ill be praying for you and i genuinely hope youre able to find some peace. Im here if you ever feel like talking. I dont have any magic advice just that i hope you wont give up on people and yourself either, i know when youre in that sittuation it can feel like theres no hope, but there always is as long as you dont give up looking for it.

I wrote this for you just now kinda a dumb little thing but i cant exactly send a card or something, i dont know just felt like you needed to know somebody cared even if its some random dude on the net you dont really know. Its about hope, and how my own hope is that you wont stop looking for yours.

it may feel like hope has left you
And youre standing there alone
facing down a firing squad
waiting for the dawn

I hope that youll remember
even if you cant see
youre never quite alone
cause youve got a friend in me

hope is not a magic thing
it lives within us all
its kinda like long distance
waiting for the call

but one day its coming
itll wake you from your sleep
youll see that theres meaning
even when you weep

just gotta keep on walking
dont turn or let it fade
theres meaning in the movement
and the passing of the days

like flowers on the wall
might just be a pretty picture
but theres meaning to it all

and its just a day away
its just around the bend
if you can hangon to let go
it will be waiting then

with a smile and an embrace
not just another day
finally your heart was healed
and you were on your way


a thousand heartaches in this life
but also a thousand dreams
blending in the backdrop
but you gotta take time to see

you can get where youre going
despite where you been
the road keeps on going
but youll make it in the end.
Anytime I try to send you a message. This keeps coming up.

shadetree has private messaging disabled. You cannot send private messages to this user.

So this is why I can't send you a message back. I've always wanted to talk to you, but it says you're private message is disabled.

What?? :sighs man not only does the universe hate me computers do too lately, its not supposed to be bllocking anything, ill check and see, thank you for letting me know, im not sure whats going on. That would explain why everybody quit talking to me all of a sudden..........:sighs i love life.......


Okay its back on. i have no idea how that happened. I appologize. I hope youre doing better today btw. I was having a good day to start with now its kinda went to sh*t. But im trying my hardest to ignore it, im so **** bored with being depressed lol.
 

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