RichardTravers
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- Joined
- Feb 3, 2015
- Messages
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My name is Richard Travers, I am not a very happy person, I have had one of the worst lives imaginable, it all started as a child, I was born in to a broken home with an abusive mother and stepfather, my real father had severe mental health problems, this was when it all started going wrong for me, as a child I was always depressed with many symptoms of distress and mental illness. I spent the most of my life Homeless living in Hostel's around the UK, on medication for PTSD, Depression and Psychosis.
Then I met someone very special to me, her name was "Esther Grubenmann". She was from Switzerland and we met in a Hostel in Newquay. We became friends and after a few weeks we fell in love with each other, after a month or so she found work in the UK and decided to stay here with me, we spent about six months living in a room together at a place called "SharkBait" it was an attic room through the winter, we would stay in and play computer games together whilst storms would rage and batter against our window, watch movies and write music.
Things began to look up for me, and we eventually moved to our first house in Truro, it was small but it was all we could afford, Esther found a better job and we settled down together getting our first pet, a Dalmatian we called "Boosta" and we even bought a car. after about a year, the landlord decided to sell the property and we hunted around, after no time at all we found our dream home, a 4 bed house right near the beach in Perranporth, it was a huge house with two balconies both overlooking a massive garden which "Boosta" used to love tearing about in. I worked on my music and eventually turned the front room in to a small home studio, I can not tell you how Happy I was, it seemed as though my life couldn't get any better, I had finally made it out of the Hostels for good, in an amazing home with a lovely girlfriend who I adored, We spent three years together at that house, "Wheel golden house" in Perranporth.
Things got even better after that too, It had always been my dream to move out of the UK in to Europe, Holland was somewhere I had spent some time as a teenager, I love the place to death, specifically the city of the Hague. The cycling and high standard of living, it's beach and the strange Dutch customs were so cool. I decided to put it to Esther that we think about moving there, she would be able to earn more and we were both a little tiered of the UK, so with some planning and a little help from our families, Dan our neighbor agreed to take us out there, we hired a removal van and packed it to the roof with everything we could fit in it, We had to sedate "Boosta" he was so excited and we left for the Netherlands.
Holland was amazing, it was everything we had hoped it would be. We stayed in B&B's for a month or so whilst Esther looked for work, when she had found a job we rented a small flat in Den Haag, near to the beach, it wasn't a very nice flat, but it was a foothold for the time being, we stayed there for a year whilst I showed Esther around the City, it was all new to her but she grew to love the plaice as I did.
Our luck just kept getting better, I received some inheritance (about £17.000)! We could finally move out of our squllid little flat to somewhere nicer. There is a street in Den Haag called "Frederik Hendriklaan" it's in the most wealthy district of Dan Haag and perhaps the nicest street I have ever known, we put in for an apartment there and were accepted!!! It was a huge place, with a massive double front room, high ceilings and even a balcony at the back. The first six months were spent buying new furniture and new studio equipment for my music. Esther continued to work and I decided to go to study at "SAE" In Rotterdam, the famous sound engineering School.
I had been at SAE for about a year, and was traveling home late one night after study, I phoned Esther to say I was on my way, everything seemed fine, we told each other that we loved each other, I would be back in an hour or so. The tram dropped me off and I walked in to an empty flat, There was no Esther or Boosta, on the coffee table was a short note, she was leaving me and not to try and contact her. I broke down immediately, this couldn't be happening, I sat there and read the note over and over but there was no escaping reality, she was gone and I would probably never see her or Boosta again
After that I had a terrile brakdown, the Dutch medical authorities were really great though, they took good care of me and prescribed me a large dose of Arripiprizol and an even larger dose of Citralopam, after about six weeks of crying myself to sleep every night the medication kicked in, I was however unable to pay the rent and about to lose my dream home as well.
It all fell apart from there, I couldn't cope or afford to live in Holland anymore, I had no money left, I had lost my Home, my Girlfriend, my sound engineering course and even my beloved dog "Boosta", I found some post of Esthers, it was from her bankc, I opened it, in it was her new address, I didn't know what to do, I wanted to go there and beg her to come back and talk to me, but it was all to late and I had to go back to the UK, Homeless and alone again, it had been an amazing six years but it was all over and I was facing a huge comedown, I had lost everything and I had ever loved and things were about to get even worse.
It's been three years since I came back, I think about Esther and "Boosta" every day. life here is pretty honeysuckle, I have no friends, my familly are horrid and of no support. I spent a year in a bedsit then got in to a council flat, where I am writing this to you from now.
I miss Esther Grubenmaan so much, the pain of losing her and everything else that fell apart is so unbearable, I have been contemplating suicide. I am going to order a rope from e-bay tonight and when it arrives I shall start looking for a bridge somewhere near me in a secluded spot, then when the right night comes instead of crying myself to sleep again I will take that walk and end it all.
That's all I have to say, I am crying as I write this, I will try and keep posting for a few more days until it arrives, perhaps one of you can talk me out of it, but I doubt you will be able too, when I set my mind to something I go through with it.
Richard.
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Then I met someone very special to me, her name was "Esther Grubenmann". She was from Switzerland and we met in a Hostel in Newquay. We became friends and after a few weeks we fell in love with each other, after a month or so she found work in the UK and decided to stay here with me, we spent about six months living in a room together at a place called "SharkBait" it was an attic room through the winter, we would stay in and play computer games together whilst storms would rage and batter against our window, watch movies and write music.
Things began to look up for me, and we eventually moved to our first house in Truro, it was small but it was all we could afford, Esther found a better job and we settled down together getting our first pet, a Dalmatian we called "Boosta" and we even bought a car. after about a year, the landlord decided to sell the property and we hunted around, after no time at all we found our dream home, a 4 bed house right near the beach in Perranporth, it was a huge house with two balconies both overlooking a massive garden which "Boosta" used to love tearing about in. I worked on my music and eventually turned the front room in to a small home studio, I can not tell you how Happy I was, it seemed as though my life couldn't get any better, I had finally made it out of the Hostels for good, in an amazing home with a lovely girlfriend who I adored, We spent three years together at that house, "Wheel golden house" in Perranporth.
Things got even better after that too, It had always been my dream to move out of the UK in to Europe, Holland was somewhere I had spent some time as a teenager, I love the place to death, specifically the city of the Hague. The cycling and high standard of living, it's beach and the strange Dutch customs were so cool. I decided to put it to Esther that we think about moving there, she would be able to earn more and we were both a little tiered of the UK, so with some planning and a little help from our families, Dan our neighbor agreed to take us out there, we hired a removal van and packed it to the roof with everything we could fit in it, We had to sedate "Boosta" he was so excited and we left for the Netherlands.
Holland was amazing, it was everything we had hoped it would be. We stayed in B&B's for a month or so whilst Esther looked for work, when she had found a job we rented a small flat in Den Haag, near to the beach, it wasn't a very nice flat, but it was a foothold for the time being, we stayed there for a year whilst I showed Esther around the City, it was all new to her but she grew to love the plaice as I did.
Our luck just kept getting better, I received some inheritance (about £17.000)! We could finally move out of our squllid little flat to somewhere nicer. There is a street in Den Haag called "Frederik Hendriklaan" it's in the most wealthy district of Dan Haag and perhaps the nicest street I have ever known, we put in for an apartment there and were accepted!!! It was a huge place, with a massive double front room, high ceilings and even a balcony at the back. The first six months were spent buying new furniture and new studio equipment for my music. Esther continued to work and I decided to go to study at "SAE" In Rotterdam, the famous sound engineering School.
I had been at SAE for about a year, and was traveling home late one night after study, I phoned Esther to say I was on my way, everything seemed fine, we told each other that we loved each other, I would be back in an hour or so. The tram dropped me off and I walked in to an empty flat, There was no Esther or Boosta, on the coffee table was a short note, she was leaving me and not to try and contact her. I broke down immediately, this couldn't be happening, I sat there and read the note over and over but there was no escaping reality, she was gone and I would probably never see her or Boosta again
After that I had a terrile brakdown, the Dutch medical authorities were really great though, they took good care of me and prescribed me a large dose of Arripiprizol and an even larger dose of Citralopam, after about six weeks of crying myself to sleep every night the medication kicked in, I was however unable to pay the rent and about to lose my dream home as well.
It all fell apart from there, I couldn't cope or afford to live in Holland anymore, I had no money left, I had lost my Home, my Girlfriend, my sound engineering course and even my beloved dog "Boosta", I found some post of Esthers, it was from her bankc, I opened it, in it was her new address, I didn't know what to do, I wanted to go there and beg her to come back and talk to me, but it was all to late and I had to go back to the UK, Homeless and alone again, it had been an amazing six years but it was all over and I was facing a huge comedown, I had lost everything and I had ever loved and things were about to get even worse.
It's been three years since I came back, I think about Esther and "Boosta" every day. life here is pretty honeysuckle, I have no friends, my familly are horrid and of no support. I spent a year in a bedsit then got in to a council flat, where I am writing this to you from now.
I miss Esther Grubenmaan so much, the pain of losing her and everything else that fell apart is so unbearable, I have been contemplating suicide. I am going to order a rope from e-bay tonight and when it arrives I shall start looking for a bridge somewhere near me in a secluded spot, then when the right night comes instead of crying myself to sleep again I will take that walk and end it all.
That's all I have to say, I am crying as I write this, I will try and keep posting for a few more days until it arrives, perhaps one of you can talk me out of it, but I doubt you will be able too, when I set my mind to something I go through with it.
Richard.
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