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Anyone else feel like they are always the one that doesn't belong?
#11
Im 39 so im a good bit older than you and i still feel like that. Im realizing though that thats okay and a part of who i am.

One thing i started doing recently is trying to understand myself more. Maybe if you can do that it would help you. Now before i say anything else i want you to understand that what im suggesting is NOT that you change who you are.But that you try to understand all the reasons behind the way you are and how people react to you. Theres an old saying that says before you think youve got depression, anxiety etc, make sure youre not surrounded by assholes. I think theres some truth in that becuase well the world is filled with silly dick clowns and self serving people and if you put enough of them in a douche canoe it WILL sink.

Anyway what im saying is theres a LOT of factors that contribute to people not being able to find friends and a lot of them can be environmental and the rest might even be as simple as some body language youre using that communicates something youre not intending that could push people away or make them feel uncomfortable etc.

More about what i meant about understanding yourself is, have you ever heard of the myers brigs personality type tests? Well if you havent google them and youll find one. Take it and see what it says your personality type is. Then theres this really cool website i found thats dedicated to people with different personality types called personalitycafe.com go there after you find out your personality type sometime and read through the forums and see if you find somebody else having similar issues to what you are. Im an INFP and i was on there the other night and i found a whole thread of people who said theyre shy, had trouble keeping friends etc. And the thread ran for about 3 years. So that led me to think that maybe theres a link between my personality type and this behavior and its not JUST ME that struggles with this.

Things like being an introvert etc also can make meeting people more of a challenge than somebody whos naturally extroverted etc. Seriously dont feel hopeless with it im no psychologist or anything but i believe even just a basic knowledge of the mechanisms behind your mental state and personality makeup will be enough to help you understand whats going on and get a leg up on it. Hope that makes sense. Sometimes i give too much info and am not the best at explaining things.

Alot of it too has to do with attitude im realizing as life goes on. I think everybody even people who are extremely at ease in social sittuations etc run into those sittuations from time to timewhere they dont click with people etc so it happens to litterally everybody. The important thing is dont let it define who you are and view each sittuation as its own seperate thing, because thats what it is. Your thoughts define your actions define your beliefs.

Hope that helps.
#12
Even at family gatherings. I'd start talking and they'd just interrupt me, as if no words had ever left my mouth. If they do respond their replies are often totally unrelated to what I said, clearly they weren't listening.
#13
I've always felt like I didn't belong, especially when I tried to belong, but the older I get, the better I am at being able to cope with that social discomfort by becoming more sure of myself. It's still tough and may always be tough to deal with feeling out of place, but for now, I have my ways of staying sane.
#14
All this resonates with me a great deal. people seem to like me. In social gatherings I tend to shine, if I can overcome my nerves (usually with a drink or two). People find me funny, a good laugh. I can say clever things. But I am always the outsider. I am always on the fringes of any group. I never feel like I belong.

I am starting (age 46) to understand this better. The reason is that I always want people's approval. I want so much to belong, to be accepted. So I try to fit in. And that usually means denying who I actually am. I am quite good at playing parts. But it is not truly me. In fact, I have been playing parts for so long, I am not sure who the real me is anymore, if I ever was.

I don't really have any answers, but I think 'to your own self be true' is an important principle.
#15
I've never really felt like I belong, except in groups I start or create myself. I always feel like I don't have a place and struggle to maintain whatever semblance of one I do have, while everyone else in a group has a place as their birthright (as silly as that sounds). It just feels like there's something I don't know, something I don't have, something I never can find, that makes me "not belong," as opposed to others who seem at home in the group.
#16
I get where you're coming from, I often times get ignored by people too. How often I try to get close to people I usually end up getting ignored. There's been several times that it gets to me so much that I find myself crying cause I feel so lonely cause I sometimes feel like I'm doing something wrong. Just the other night I was upset and it took me awhile to calm down. Trust me you're not alone. I know how alone you must feel and if you ever feel like talking to someone, please send me a pm. I won't turn you away cause I know what it feels like to be all alone.
#17
Yep, me.
#18
(02-10-2015, 09:59 AM)exasperated Wrote: When I heard the Dane Cook bit about the "Karen" of the group, I felt like I finally understood how other people saw me.

Sad I don't like Dane Cook he's a jackass



Also, shadetree yes me too me too
Bitterness consumed me, you know once I was a little girl reading my future, didn't know I'd be among the loneliest. They're so alone that even they won't contact me. I do believe in love for everyone, but it doesn't return itself Always, just sometimes. That's the part to be hopeful and alive for. I was always different.
#19
I can't tell you how many times I've entered into a group of "like minds" to find that we have massive and often conflicting philosophical and personality differences beneath the surface, whether it's religion, politics, chats, or anything else. So, it's not just you.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
#20
A few years ago I resigned from a job because I felt like a fifth wheel and I was having severe trouble relating to people there, it really upset me. Now it is as if I've kind of accepted the fact that I'll never be part of a group and I'm growing more comfortable with that. Perhaps you grow more at peace with who you are as you grow older.

That same company has now asked me to go back while one of the ladies is on maternity leave. It's only a six month contract so there is no expectation permanency and fitting in does not concern me. The pressure is off.

It is just upsetting when the group you don't feel comfortable in is your family, that I'm having difficulty in reconciling with.


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