Anyone else feel like they are always the one that doesn't belong?

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My whole life I have interacted with many people, and I have only been close to one. And even now she is gone so I have no one to talk to. Nobody has a clue that I am lonely and sad. I put up the facade of being happy pretty easily and I do not let people see my emotions. I spend most days trying as hard as I can to be around other people and meet new people but at the end of the day I am always the one who goes home alone, while everyone else has people who love them and care for them and are always there for them. I've never done anything wrong to anyone, I'm always there for people but it seems like no one is there for me. I just don't know what is wrong with me. My one and only friend used to tell me I'm attractive, funny, caring, a great person and friend, and that I would make a great father someday, but so far that means nothing to me because everyone I ever get close to throws me away. I honestly don't know what the point of writing all of this down is and I don't expect anything to come out of this.

I have tried many ways to meet someone, anyone who will accept me. I've tried meetup groups, dating sites(never even got a response to any of my messages), social events, but in the end I always feel ignored and that I am not liked. In any one of these events if I don't talk then everyone ignores me and when I do talk no one continues the topic of conversation I brought up.

I have never had a solid group of friends. I used to be good friends with one, but she is moving on with her life it seems. With the all the effort it takes just to get someone to acknowledge me, I feel that it's too late to make true friends since most people already have established their social groups by their 20's. I'm 21, and I feel like I have wasted my youth. The best years of my life are passing by. I have already missed out on so many experiences such as chilling with friends talking about life, doing group activities, going on a date with a girl or joking around without taking it personally. Then I go to bed all alone, with no one to cuddle or talk to about anything and everything and the cycle repeats.

I have never felt more alone in my whole life. It's been like this for the past three years. I just feel so hopeless.
 
DeadImaginaryFriends said:
My whole life I have interacted with many people, and I have only been close to one. And even now she is gone so I have no one to talk to. Nobody has a clue that I am lonely and sad. I put up the facade of being happy pretty easily and I do not let people see my emotions. I spend most days trying as hard as I can to be around other people and meet new people but at the end of the day I am always the one who goes home alone, while everyone else has people who love them and care for them and are always there for them. I've never done anything wrong to anyone, I'm always there for people but it seems like no one is there for me. I just don't know what is wrong with me. My one and only friend used to tell me I'm attractive, funny, caring, a great person and friend, and that I would make a great father someday, but so far that means nothing to me because everyone I ever get close to throws me away. I honestly don't know what the point of writing all of this down is and I don't expect anything to come out of this.

I have tried many ways to meet someone, anyone who will accept me. I've tried meetup groups, dating sites(never even got a response to any of my messages), social events, but in the end I always feel ignored and that I am not liked. In any one of these events if I don't talk then everyone ignores me and when I do talk no one continues the topic of conversation I brought up.

I have never had a solid group of friends. I used to be good friends with one, but she is moving on with her life it seems. With the all the effort it takes just to get someone to acknowledge me, I feel that it's too late to make true friends since most people already have established their social groups by their 20's. I'm 21, and I feel like I have wasted my youth. The best years of my life are passing by. I have already missed out on so many experiences such as chilling with friends talking about life, doing group activities, going on a date with a girl or joking around without taking it personally. Then I go to bed all alone, with no one to cuddle or talk to about anything and everything and the cycle repeats.

I have never felt more alone in my whole life. It's been like this for the past three years. I just feel so hopeless.
I've felt and continue to feel (although to a far lesser extent) as you do. I'm the same age as you so our circumstances are made even more similar. It's never too late to find a group of friends you really click with. Feeling like you're ignored and not liked resonates with me but I would imagine that the more likely scenario is that the people you think ignore and dislike you are just anxious about talking to people they don't know well. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in how you feel :)
 
Yep get that feeling almost everyday. Mostly because I don't know of anyone who's as alone as I am. I sort of question why is it that I'm alone, why can't I make friends. Then I remembered I don't give people second chances, because once people fresia up, then there's no point especially when you're the one taking the brunt of it. That said it doesn't make any difference I try to go out and make friends even if the end result is the same each time; being as alone as you were when you went.

When people are surprised when I tell them I moved to the city on my own they say 'you didn't move in with friends?' The honest answer is no because my friends have their own lives and I want to do what I want. The socially acceptable answer is 'It's easier for work' which was a good lie.

In any case life can be pretty crap and lonely everyday, but the only answer is to keep fighting. Don't let things consume you. Get up and do something you want to do, you've always wanted to do make spontaneous decisions, take a few risks. Life might be lonely now but you have to be proud of the things you can do. I know its not original advice but its important to live as much as you can even when no one's there to catch you when you fall or reassure you when things go wrong.
 
I've often felt like I don't belong. Here, there, everywhere...at one time or another. I still have thoughts about not feeling like I belong somewhere, but now I don't really care if I belong or not at this point. People will accept me or they won't, I'm okay with that. If it makes me feel bad enough, I just don't go to places anymore.
 
I often feel the same way. Like you, I put on a happy façade and very few people know just how much I am fighting extreme loneliness every single day. And also like you I go home alone, to noone.
I have often found that in social groups it seems that while most of the others have each others' mobile numbers, they don't seem to ask for mine. In one group, only two people have my number and one of these was because we were planning a group outing and I was unsure if I would be able to make it so I asked for someone's number so I could text if I couldn't come.
 
When I heard the Dane Cook bit about the "Karen" of the group, I felt like I finally understood how other people saw me.
 
Tiina63 said:
I often feel the same way. Like you, I put on a happy façade and very few people know just how much I am fighting extreme loneliness every single day. And also like you I go home alone, to noone.
I have often found that in social groups it seems that while most of the others have each others' mobile numbers, they don't seem to ask for mine. In one group, only two people have my number and one of these was because we were planning a group outing and I was unsure if I would be able to make it so I asked for someone's number so I could text if I couldn't come.

I know how you feel. It seems like if no one naturally likes me, it always has to me me putting myself out there constantly and I only ever get a little bit back in return. Sometimes I feel like leaving my room and doing something, but soon realize that the only thing more terrifying than being by myself is being alone in a group of people, at least being alone I can delude myself a little farther.
 
I used to, all the time. Maybe it's my age but I've noticed that feeling less and less over time. Or maybe I just don't care anymore. If I'm in a place where I don't feel like I belong, I often just leave.

-Teresa
 
Im 39 so im a good bit older than you and i still feel like that. Im realizing though that thats okay and a part of who i am.

One thing i started doing recently is trying to understand myself more. Maybe if you can do that it would help you. Now before i say anything else i want you to understand that what im suggesting is NOT that you change who you are.But that you try to understand all the reasons behind the way you are and how people react to you. Theres an old saying that says before you think youve got depression, anxiety etc, make sure youre not surrounded by ********. I think theres some truth in that becuase well the world is filled with silly dick clowns and self serving people and if you put enough of them in a ****** canoe it WILL sink.

Anyway what im saying is theres a LOT of factors that contribute to people not being able to find friends and a lot of them can be environmental and the rest might even be as simple as some body language youre using that communicates something youre not intending that could push people away or make them feel uncomfortable etc.

More about what i meant about understanding yourself is, have you ever heard of the myers brigs personality type tests? Well if you havent google them and youll find one. Take it and see what it says your personality type is. Then theres this really cool website i found thats dedicated to people with different personality types called personalitycafe.com go there after you find out your personality type sometime and read through the forums and see if you find somebody else having similar issues to what you are. Im an INFP and i was on there the other night and i found a whole thread of people who said theyre shy, had trouble keeping friends etc. And the thread ran for about 3 years. So that led me to think that maybe theres a link between my personality type and this behavior and its not JUST ME that struggles with this.

Things like being an introvert etc also can make meeting people more of a challenge than somebody whos naturally extroverted etc. Seriously dont feel hopeless with it im no psychologist or anything but i believe even just a basic knowledge of the mechanisms behind your mental state and personality makeup will be enough to help you understand whats going on and get a leg up on it. Hope that makes sense. Sometimes i give too much info and am not the best at explaining things.

Alot of it too has to do with attitude im realizing as life goes on. I think everybody even people who are extremely at ease in social sittuations etc run into those sittuations from time to timewhere they dont click with people etc so it happens to litterally everybody. The important thing is dont let it define who you are and view each sittuation as its own seperate thing, because thats what it is. Your thoughts define your actions define your beliefs.

Hope that helps.
 
Even at family gatherings. I'd start talking and they'd just interrupt me, as if no words had ever left my mouth. If they do respond their replies are often totally unrelated to what I said, clearly they weren't listening.
 
I've always felt like I didn't belong, especially when I tried to belong, but the older I get, the better I am at being able to cope with that social discomfort by becoming more sure of myself. It's still tough and may always be tough to deal with feeling out of place, but for now, I have my ways of staying sane.
 
All this resonates with me a great deal. people seem to like me. In social gatherings I tend to shine, if I can overcome my nerves (usually with a drink or two). People find me funny, a good laugh. I can say clever things. But I am always the outsider. I am always on the fringes of any group. I never feel like I belong.

I am starting (age 46) to understand this better. The reason is that I always want people's approval. I want so much to belong, to be accepted. So I try to fit in. And that usually means denying who I actually am. I am quite good at playing parts. But it is not truly me. In fact, I have been playing parts for so long, I am not sure who the real me is anymore, if I ever was.

I don't really have any answers, but I think 'to your own self be true' is an important principle.
 
I've never really felt like I belong, except in groups I start or create myself. I always feel like I don't have a place and struggle to maintain whatever semblance of one I do have, while everyone else in a group has a place as their birthright (as silly as that sounds). It just feels like there's something I don't know, something I don't have, something I never can find, that makes me "not belong," as opposed to others who seem at home in the group.
 
I get where you're coming from, I often times get ignored by people too. How often I try to get close to people I usually end up getting ignored. There's been several times that it gets to me so much that I find myself crying cause I feel so lonely cause I sometimes feel like I'm doing something wrong. Just the other night I was upset and it took me awhile to calm down. Trust me you're not alone. I know how alone you must feel and if you ever feel like talking to someone, please send me a pm. I won't turn you away cause I know what it feels like to be all alone.
 
exasperated said:
When I heard the Dane Cook bit about the "Karen" of the group, I felt like I finally understood how other people saw me.

:( I don't like Dane Cook he's a jackass



Also, shadetree yes me too me too
 
I can't tell you how many times I've entered into a group of "like minds" to find that we have massive and often conflicting philosophical and personality differences beneath the surface, whether it's religion, politics, chats, or anything else. So, it's not just you.
 
A few years ago I resigned from a job because I felt like a fifth wheel and I was having severe trouble relating to people there, it really upset me. Now it is as if I've kind of accepted the fact that I'll never be part of a group and I'm growing more comfortable with that. Perhaps you grow more at peace with who you are as you grow older.

That same company has now asked me to go back while one of the ladies is on maternity leave. It's only a six month contract so there is no expectation permanency and fitting in does not concern me. The pressure is off.

It is just upsetting when the group you don't feel comfortable in is your family, that I'm having difficulty in reconciling with.
 
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