Stuck can't go on.

I am 20 years old guy with hard social anxiety, depression, slight paranoia and everything people say against me rip my skin. I have no job and i have no money from parents not because they don't want to help me but my father won't find a job. They know my issues and they know i got very suicidal at my last and first job, i want to work but i just can't do it yet. I am searching for 3 years now to find my purpose in life i found fitness and gym and i thought maybe i should give my best to get a even better physique learn few more things, get confidence and change my mindset and later on find a job, than i should finish some fitness coach course and find a job. To fulfill my idea i need to gain some muscle and my family cannot afford enough food and i haven't got new clothes and shoes for 24 months YES I AM 20 and it hurts me the most that i cannot look for myself. They don't have money for me to go out once a week not to mention having a therapist. I got professional list of things i need to eat in order to get muscle and at first day of that plan i cannot follow it at all because 6 chicken eggs daily is a fortune for my family that they can't afford, at first i got sad than i smashed my forehead at the wall so hard until it started bleeding, i am having a headache from that that lasts for 16 hours now and i am completelly out of control i feel like i could do anything bad that comes to my mind first. My friends haven't moved their asses ever in life and their parents give them money to party every day, college and i don't know few people who didn't got a car for 18 birthday. Even when i had a job i just filled a spot in family budget that my father should be filling while being broken and suicidal. This is life mates some of us Serbian Belgrade guys destroy their skull wishing 6 eggs for dinner. I am not going to suicide still i will atleast wait for to finish Naruto anime then i ll decide. Olanzapine and karbamazepin is what i use.

Im going to give you some advice now, becuase i believe its always more helpful to make a plan and do something about issues rather than just tell somebody oh itll be alright. Because honestly thats a bunch of BS. Things in life become alright because you make them alright. Thats how it works. So i appologize if some of this sounds stern and too direct. Its just that i been where youre at in my own life and all this comes from a place of caring and from my own experience. I truly am sorry youre going through all that though.

Youve got a lot of stuff going on right now and ive been there myself so i know how hard and overwhelming it can be. The key is to learn to break everything down into small parts and tackle each problem one at a time. I highly suggest getting a notebook and write down what you feel is wrong. Then go one by one and make a plan to fix it, in small doable steps. Also try not to look at the big picture but take each day as it comes. Because when you look at everything at once thats what is making you feel helpless. It makes everybody feel that way, because you cant change everything all at once, you have to do it one thing at a time.

Im going to give you a couple links that might help with the social anxiety part. This first one is a course, now its expensive but if you look around you can probably find it for free. https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/social-anxiety-treatment/online-therapy/overcoming-social-anxiety

This second one has general social tips and is a very good site. http://www.succeedsocially.com/

I have a daughter about your age a little younger shes 18, and my son just turned 16 yesterday. We dont have a lot of money either so hes probably not going to get a car for his 18th birthday either but hes got an old motorcycle hes fixing up. I heard you mention your friends a couple times. Dont compare yourself to other people, because everybodys sittuation is different. Besides that car when you find a job and get one youll appreciate it alot more than those people that had it given to them right?

As far as the body building and all that, i know you want to do all that but thats something for after you focus on the immediate issues like finding a job. Unfortunately money makes the world go round and sometimes for a while you might have to work jobs you dont like to get to where you can get a job you do like and enjoy. I know too with Social anxiety its hard to find a job you can feel comfortable doing, but if nothing else, try to find a job you can do right now like security guard or something like that. Its real easy work and a lot of the time you get to work by yourself so itd be low stress. Theres other jobs like that too, ive had a lot of them due to my own anxiety issues. I worked as a dam operator for a while and worked by myself, inventory clerk. Lots of options but you have to get out there and look everyday. Finding a job is hard no matter where youre at, but persistence is the key in finding a job and at life in general.


So what i suggest is focus on everything in this order.

1: Find a Job, hopefully one with benefits like insurance etc.

2: Go to those sites i gave you, and look into other ways to treat depression and social anxiety, possibly find a counselor to talk to and help guide you through all this.

3: Begin saving money to put toward a car and also toward your body building hobby.

4: This one is totally up to you but i would highly suggest going to college too itll open up a lot more oppurtunities for you.

Like i say dont take this as me saying YOUVE GOT TO DO THIS! i dont mean it like that. Its just that you sound like youre sort of drifting on the ocean of life and this is one possible route to go about fixing it. I hope this helps and things get better for you.

Joining the military might be a good idea since they will pay you, give you an education, etc... Since you are into fitness that should help you also. If I were a guy I would have joined just to get away from my family.

lei said:

Joining the military might be a good idea since they will pay you, give you an education, etc... Since you are into fitness that should help you also. If I were a guy I would have joined just to get away from my family.

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I really second this idea. I don't think people give a **** wheres the posts... Also I have Sa too.