What makes you lonely? (My List)

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shadetree

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NOTE: The comments in the list arent directed at anybody on this forum or anybody in particular, just getting some feelings and thoughts out.

Ever sit down and try to figure out what triggers your feelings of loneliness?
One thing over the years thats helped me deal with my own loneliness is trying to understand it. Just thought maybe this might help somebody, because if we can figure out what these things are, if we can avoid them maybe it would help us not have to deal with quite so many of the lonely feelings.

I think a lot of people think this is supposed to be some big secret or something, and if you feel that way its fine, you dont have to write your list here but it might help you if you write it for yourself to better understand the root cause of what youre dealing with.

Thats the hope anyway.....

My list:

~Cruel, mean and people who are constantly angry.
*Especially people who are cruel to animals and children.

~Self centered people.

~People who think theyre better than others or look down on them.

~Rude people that have no consideration for others.

~Being ignored

~Feeling invisible.
*This ones kind of the same as being ignored but its like they give you a little acknowledgement but not enough to make you truly feel like youre there or you or your opinion matters in the slightest. Alot of times its a mix of the other things in this list.

~Passive Agressive Snide Snobby People
*Bitches in other words, self explanatory. This one makes me lonely because these people have a big huge wall between you and them their attitude, so not much chance of making a connection there...

~Back stabbers
*Nothing worse than somebody who smiles to your face and then turns around and talks crap or does stuff behind your back. Never understood this.

~Vain people
* I think this one is really a hurtful one for me. Ive always felt unattractive physically and there is NOTHING in the world i can realistically do about that, unless i win the lottery and get a billion dollars of plastic surgery It just makes me feel even more helpless when dealing with these asshats who think because they won the genetic lottery theyre something special. When the truth is most of them have even less to say than the average person because they didnt have to learn other skills and things to survive but depend on their looks to coast through life. Its okay though because as they get older their looks fade and theyre left with nothing. So thats small conselation. Im not a hateful person but in all serious if this is you fresia YOU, stop doing this honeysuckle, not only are you probably making people miserable around you, youre cheating yourself of becoming who you truly could be because youre so focused on being a barbie or ken doll. Give it a rest its tired and old...we know sex sells, go sell that honeysuckle somewhere else...

~Actors and Liars
*I dont mean the ones on tv those are awesome. I mean those people that pretend to be things theyre not, people who try too hard etc. Really annoying and makes me sad. Id a hundred times be around somebody who had a lot of abrasive habits that was truly being themselves than somebody who "seemed" to be something but then you find out later it was all an act. Its really confusing.

~Descrimination
*Racism, people that hate somebody because of their sexual preference etc, just silly backwards thinking. People are all people no matter what we do, you dont have to agree with it but you can still be respectful of the person. I guess what bothers me most about this is just the overall lack of respect and ignorance of this kind of thinking.


~When people have a lot of friends, are successful etc
*Im not jealous of these people. But it would be nice to live that life and the thought that always occurs to me is ill never have that. Whether thats true or not it seems all too true at the time and then that kicks off the loneliness due i guess to the feelings of helplessness to change my life.

~Having nobody call/write/come around
*This one i think ive kindve gotten used to over the years because ive been this way for so long. Lately i do have a few people write on the net but then a few weeks later theyre gone and i never hear from them again.


~The Internet
*It makes me lonely because of how transient it is and nothing seems permanent here. I get attached to people i meet and think of them as friends then poof gone. I dont do this as much as i used to but it still happens sometime. I think over time ive grown numb to it when it happens because it doesnt bother me as much anymore. Maybe that means im losing part of myself or i smartened up? Im not really sure. Still sucks.

~Mental Illness
*Just including everything in this, anxiety, depression, and whatever else is wrong with me. I think the bad thing about this is the longer you have a mental illness untreated the more it has a sort of snowball effect and you pick up other bad things. Like i started out with just anxiety but over time that caused me to spend all this time alone which lead to depression, then the isolation, which in turn causes more long term issues physical mental and otherwise. Being trapped in this mental state makes me lonely and takes control away from my life. That makes me lonely too that it feels like nobody truly understands whats going on with me because its such a rare disorder and i genuinely believe they dont know how to treat / approach it.

~Out of Touch

*This is another one from the isolation. As you spend a lot of time alone you lose track of whats going on in the real world outside your own bubble reality and that makes it even harder to connect to people and talk to them because you arent truly a part of their world anymore. More helpless feelings. That adds to the loneliness too.

~Misunderstandings
*This one really bothers me. I hate when i do or say something and it comes across totally wrong. Generally everything i do in life i mean it in a good positive manner but i tend to really screw that up because i cant express myself as i need to.

~Unable to pick up on social cues
*This one kind of falls under the mental illness category since its due to my APD, but i have a lot of trouble picking up when people infer things if they dont come right out and say them, which makes me end up looking like i dont care to most people or im totally clueless. When in actuality i pay more attention to everything than the average person it just is like these things are invisible to me. Ive thought for a while i may have aspergers syndrome but ive never been officially diagnosed.

~Being Different / out of place
*This one is hard to explain but i just always feel out of my element and sort of off in how i deal with the world and come across to people. I truly like being different but it doesnt win you any awards. Most people talk about how they wanna be different theyre original etc, but their idea of being different is to be just like everybody else. When youre truly different people shun you, hate you, dont give you a chance etc. This one is just tiring mostly after dealing with it so long.
 
That's quite a list. I couldn't think of much in detail.

Disconnect. It's not about what I "should be doing", it's that I was born into the world with many, many dreams that will never be realized. I wanted to work with communities, not systems.

Seeing the world differently and wanting to stand up for things that others don't care about. Thinking that the things people do think are important miss the point entirely.

Seeing people laughing, but having no one to laugh with myself. Taking part in the fun second-hand through watching movies and videos, and knowing that I'd be seen as pathetic for it.

Being overlooked in favor of people who were simply born more charismatic, more expressive, and more normal. Knowing that I'm fighting simply to be heard when they're around.

Drifting in and out of lives with no place to stay and no permanent social identity in this world other than what I do for work. Being defined to others by what services I can provide, officially or otherwise.

A family that takes an incredible amount of effort to be close to, because we either spent so much time apart after my parents' divorce that it's been hard to pick things up again or because they have personality disorders. Remembering childhood Christmastimes where I'd play at a friend's house until it was time for their families to gather... and going home to dysfunction or absence.

Being told that I bring it on myself by experiencing unhappiness, rather than that my negative periods are the result of negative experiences and are part of even a mentally healthy person's processing. Living in a culture of misanthropes who don't know that they're misanthropes and feeling as though I can't show weakness, because I'm not in a position that plucks at people's heartstrings. Everyone loves a good underdog. No one loves a lonely weirdo.

Turning to someone for help and hearing radio silence, after they looked me in the eye and said they would take the time for me. Feeling as though those who are where I want to be see me as someone who won't make it.

Being surrounded by people, but those people already have lives outside of class and are not good candidates for friendship. So close, yet so far.

Atrophy of most of what I used to care about, because there is no one to have adventures with even though we're in our 20's, no one to treat to dinner at my place when I've come up with something fun and am feeling generous, no one to clown for who'll so much as remember my name, and no one to grow alongside.
 
Passive Agressive Snide Snobby People
Have come across several of these, especially in high school. It's reached the point where I try to be the ones disliking them instead of vice versa. This mostly applies to people who have that whole, "I'm sooo better than that weirdo. Let me ignore you so that you can know how weird I find you," attitude. I don't mind if that's what they're just thinking though.

Always someone better
Pretty much what it says on the tin. Whoever I make friends with, they always know someone they're more friends with, no matter how often I say hi, or be nice to them. This contributes to overthinking, and eventually isolation if I feel like I've finally been replaced.

Friends of friends who dislike me
This has sort of scared me away from from some friend groups. Especially worse if it's the people who you know don't like you, but don't even say it to you, leaving you confused as to whether this is true or not.

Self-Esteem
My thoughts on myself are built on the opinions of others. I may stop seeing people because I'll think I am a freak and would only bother them.

Introversion
I dash back and forth between horribly craving companionship and wanting to be alone. Currently working on it though.

Difficulty picking up social cues
Autism has given me this. Because of this, I take jokes too seriously and don't pick up on sarcasm.

Inability to be fun
If you've met me through the internet, I'll appear like I know what to say. In person, I don't, and will usually be very quiet because I don't know how to respond.

The need for self-punishment
I see people all the time who have their problems. In order to not feel guilty about feeling better than others, I must punish myself. It's not always isolation that's the punishment, but it's one of the methods.

Overthinking
I tend to overthink things, leading to believing things that may or may not be true. Among those are the belief I'm bothering people, belief that I don't deserve a friend, and belief that it's hopeless for me to try and make friends.

Disappearing
Everyone has and will forget me in time, outside of family. Friends I've made in the past have just wordlessly parted ways with me, reducing confidence for a lasting friendship. Because of this, I have trouble keeping one myself.
 
Reading through yalls list, i realized i left a couple off and can relate a lot to what you listed as well. **** theres A LOT of stuff that makes me lonely. If i had to try to make a list of things that didnt make me feel lonely i think itd probably be like 2 things or something lol.....

I think honestly they should add loneliness as a mental illness at least if its chronic. I think psychologists are beginning to study it and look at it as such, because over time it can have profound effects on your health mental and physical. Maybe one day theyll have a magic pill we can all take...
 

People that don't get me

Which turns out is just about everyone.

People that are hurtful to me
Has turned out to be many people I've know.

People that are generally dismissive or rude
This can stem from people who try to impose their beliefs on me to rude customer service.


Seeing other people that are not lonely
Although it can be an illusion.

Not having someone to share things with
It's not that often that good things happen to me, but lately I've noticed how lonely it is when I do try to cheer myself up by buying a new dress or trying a new receipt and there is no one to share it with. And of course there is the general not having someone to just share you day to day stuff with.

Not having any support in bad times
This is a really big trigger for me. I am terrified that if something really bad every did happen to me I'd be completely alone.

Not having someone to do things with
I do a lot of things alone because I really want to do things, but I'm always the only one alone.

People that go out of their way to be rude to me on a message board for loneliness, a place where everyone should be understanding and there for each other :)
 
knowing I am at the bottom of the pile with regards to attractiveness. There is some sort of pecking order going on and I am at the bottom of it.
 
Triple Bogey said:
knowing I am at the bottom of the pile with regards to attractiveness. There is some sort of pecking order going on and I am at the bottom of it.

I feel you on that man i feel like that too, im not even looking anymore but it still sucks to feel like that. Mines so bad i feel like a monster sometimes.


Just wanted to add one to my list.

~People Change

*This one happens to me a lot. Was talking to my best friend i email alot and its like shes changing somehow and i feel a distance between us. It always happens with me and people and i know part of it is anxiety but it always seems to happen. It feels like theres no stable constant thing in this world sometimes. No foundation to build anything on because its always shifting.
 
In regard to the attractiveness factor (mentioned here and many other threads) I think sometimes the impact of effort is overlooked. I think if someone looks like the are making an effort to present themselves in the best possible way it is actually more important than basic "looks." This isn't directed at anyone here, but I've had friends that have sort of thrown in the towel rather than try when a few basic things could really make a difference (watch an episode of What Not to Wear.) I really think looking put together is the most important thing, the rest is just subjective.
 
my sense of humor - makes most run away… I am trying to joke less, but a) it doesn't always work b) life is even more boring…
 
Peaches said:
my sense of humor - makes most run away… I am trying to joke less, but a) it doesn't always work b) life is even more boring…

Peaches i havent really read any of your jokes on here but i hope you wouldnt stop joking around. Laughter is a big part of life that makes things bearable. Dont give that up because some people dont get your humor. Thats on them not you. Plus humor is like food, everybodys taste/humorbuds are different. :)


exasperated said:
In regard to the attractiveness factor (mentioned here and many other threads) I think sometimes the impact of effort is overlooked. I think if someone looks like the are making an effort to present themselves in the best possible way it is actually more important than basic "looks." This isn't directed at anyone here, but I've had friends that have sort of thrown in the towel rather than try when a few basic things could really make a difference (watch an episode of What Not to Wear.) I really think looking put together is the most important thing, the rest is just subjective.

I think the only thing that would make me look put together was if i PUT together a bag on my head lol. But i know youre right it can make a difference.
 
Aww Shade Tree *hugs* I was tagged in some photos today from a work event and I want to die. I look like the wrath of god. The depression is really taking a toll physically.


shadetree said:
Peaches said:
my sense of humor - makes most run away… I am trying to joke less, but a) it doesn't always work b) life is even more boring…

Peaches i havent really read any of your jokes on here but i hope you wouldnt stop joking around. Laughter is a big part of life that makes things bearable. Dont give that up because some people dont get your humor. Thats on them not you. Plus humor is like food, everybodys taste/humorbuds are different. :)


exasperated said:
In regard to the attractiveness factor (mentioned here and many other threads) I think sometimes the impact of effort is overlooked. I think if someone looks like the are making an effort to present themselves in the best possible way it is actually more important than basic "looks." This isn't directed at anyone here, but I've had friends that have sort of thrown in the towel rather than try when a few basic things could really make a difference (watch an episode of What Not to Wear.) I really think looking put together is the most important thing, the rest is just subjective.

I think the only thing that would make me look put together was if i PUT together a bag on my head lol. But i know youre right it can make a difference.

 
exasperated said:
Aww Shade Tree *hugs* I was tagged in some photos today from a work event and I want to die. I look like the wrath of god. The depression is really taking a toll physically.

Im sorry, i understand i been up and down the past month with my own depression. I hope you get to feeling better. Also im sure you looked fine. In your picture on here youre a very attractive lady i cant imagine you looking bad. I mean that in a platonic non creepy way btw lol.
 
Thanks, I'm sure I notice it more than others, it's just hard when you can see it in your face.
 
pain of never having anyone.

Pain of being judged

Pain of being 1%

Pain of no one understanding me

Pain of being alone while being positive

Pain of being labeled

Pain of going nuts over isolation

Pain of wanting to die

Pain of needing to die

Pain of being hated

Pain upon everything
 
The things that make me feel lonely are:

Being single

Having little contact with family and friends

Spending hours at home alone

Feeling like people aren't positive enough

Being a student in an online program

Having very few friends
 
When I see so long lists of yours I start to think there is something seriously wrong with me. ;)

I feel lonely only because - I have no boyfriend.

I'm not a type of person who want to be always among all sort of people, friends or not, I like to spend my free time with someone special, and when I don't have one I'm usually alone.

Everything else in my life is ok.
 
What has made me feel lonely lately was discovering an online friend preferring to talk to another member of my family. I felt abandoned.
 

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