I had this all typed out before but I accidentally deleted it. It was better worded too. Here goes again...
Its not an easy situation. She was the girl of my dreams. Since I was about 12 she was always in the back of my mind as this ideal woman. I never really knew her well. Of course she got put on a pedestal. Then one fine August so many things went my way and I could finally call her mine. Funny how it is that once a dream is realized nothing is ever really happily ever after.
I am to blame for so much of it. I'm too lazy, antisocial and too easy going when the situation called for otherwise. To her credit in the very beginning she told me that she was far from an easy going person.
You see, I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells with her, worried that whatever I say or do may get misconstrued. This feeling never really went away from the beginning. She also gets upset with me that I don't always share her exact same vision or can't always read her mind. I try my best to please her and do things for her, though I wonder if I'm letting myself be too passive. Thing is if I assert my self then this always leads to arguments. That I'm being unreasonable. She says I'm such a child.
I'm quite a introverted person, but I she has made me felt loneliness that I've haven't quite known before that had made me cry
Anyway, like I said, I'm far from blame. I really shouldn't be in a serious relationship. I was lazy in a why when I proposed to her and now she does not really have a story she can tell all the other girls.
I'm reluctant to do much on the wedding planning because I feel like whatever I pick or do is not good enough. It often isn't. To be honest I don't think I really wanted a traditional wedding, but when we talked about other options she sounded like she would rather throw herself off a bridge. What else am I going to say. I agreed to the traditional ceremony. I see clearly now I should have.
I really enjoy it when times are good. When she is sweet to me and cuddly and we have lots to talk about and thing in general just work. Also the whole "girl of my dreams" thing is also a big reason that I stick around. But then during the bad days I feel so incredibly miserable.
My family loves her though and she already spent so much of her own money on the upcoming wedding on 4/4. Also, we share an apartment. The thing is I have such doubts. I think we have different visions for our lives. Perhaps I'm being unreasonable. Despite how much I apparently suck, she has not told me f**k off (well, she literally has, but not in the permanent sense) I don't know. What do you think?
Its not an easy situation. She was the girl of my dreams. Since I was about 12 she was always in the back of my mind as this ideal woman. I never really knew her well. Of course she got put on a pedestal. Then one fine August so many things went my way and I could finally call her mine. Funny how it is that once a dream is realized nothing is ever really happily ever after.
I am to blame for so much of it. I'm too lazy, antisocial and too easy going when the situation called for otherwise. To her credit in the very beginning she told me that she was far from an easy going person.
You see, I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells with her, worried that whatever I say or do may get misconstrued. This feeling never really went away from the beginning. She also gets upset with me that I don't always share her exact same vision or can't always read her mind. I try my best to please her and do things for her, though I wonder if I'm letting myself be too passive. Thing is if I assert my self then this always leads to arguments. That I'm being unreasonable. She says I'm such a child.
I'm quite a introverted person, but I she has made me felt loneliness that I've haven't quite known before that had made me cry
Anyway, like I said, I'm far from blame. I really shouldn't be in a serious relationship. I was lazy in a why when I proposed to her and now she does not really have a story she can tell all the other girls.
I'm reluctant to do much on the wedding planning because I feel like whatever I pick or do is not good enough. It often isn't. To be honest I don't think I really wanted a traditional wedding, but when we talked about other options she sounded like she would rather throw herself off a bridge. What else am I going to say. I agreed to the traditional ceremony. I see clearly now I should have.
I really enjoy it when times are good. When she is sweet to me and cuddly and we have lots to talk about and thing in general just work. Also the whole "girl of my dreams" thing is also a big reason that I stick around. But then during the bad days I feel so incredibly miserable.
My family loves her though and she already spent so much of her own money on the upcoming wedding on 4/4. Also, we share an apartment. The thing is I have such doubts. I think we have different visions for our lives. Perhaps I'm being unreasonable. Despite how much I apparently suck, she has not told me f**k off (well, she literally has, but not in the permanent sense) I don't know. What do you think?