I want to be a normal person. How do I become normal.?

M_also_lonely · Mar 4, 2015

After getting a lot of inspiration here, from a few members, I have started making changes in my life. But there are some situations around me that I dont know how to solve.

Last week I went to a party. DJ party. Everybody was dancing. I never danced previously. But I decided to try. I tried.After some time, I found people laughing at me. I just moved out as soon as possible. Next day, one of my classmates told me, "Its better for u not to try these things, they are not for u. U r not like us. " How??? And Why????

I dont know why, but I forget simple things. I still forget where I keep my things. I forget which switches work for what, I forget that. I know that u would tell me abt techniques to remember things, but why do I need techniques to remember, while most of the people dont?? Why cant I remember them simply??

I liked somebody, a girl in our class.I really cared for her. I once told her. She said, "U need a doctor. U r not someone who should have a girlfriend." Why did she tell like this. She went with somebody else.
Once in my class I showed them solving rubiks cube in 30 seconds. Nobody appreciated it. But after some months, a guy did the same in two minutes, and people were going crazy. Why???

I study with dedication, but cannot score great. No problem. But why the hell is the guy next to me scoring great when he us merely studying?
We play games on LAN, all others play great . I practice too. But while playing, I just let the opponent kill me, while I am watching him. Why am I like this.??

I donate to beggars, I help everywhere I can. Sometimes I get appreciated, sometimes not. Ok no problem. But why am I not like others. They say u r not like us, but no one tells how abd why.... They say, they cant explain.

Why can't I enjoy dancing? Why does a girl say that I need a doctor, when I told her abt the qualities that I like in her?
Why am I considered "pretending to be good" when I care, while others pretend to care and are called "caring"??

Its not that I want these things badly, but it would help me a lot if I would be like u, normal as they call themselves.

TheRealCallie · Mar 4, 2015

Okay, first let me just say that there is no "normal." Everyone is different and you shouldn't try to be anyone but yourself.

M_also_lonely said:
Last week I went to a party. DJ party. Everybody was dancing. I never danced previously. But I decided to try. I tried.After some time, I found people laughing at me. I just moved out as soon as possible. Next day, one of my classmates told me, "Its better for u not to try these things, they are not for u. U r not like us. " How??? And Why????

I would have told him that I wasn't trying to be like them. Why do you have to be like them? Do you thing and own it. Confidence goes a long way. Yes, you might be dancing differently than others, but if you are awkward about it or nervous, people will see that and that's what makes people say those things, IMO.

M_also_lonely said:
I dont know why, but I forget simple things. I still forget where I keep my things. I forget which switches work for what, I forget that. I know that u would tell me abt techniques to remember things, but why do I need techniques to remember, while most of the people dont?? Why cant I remember them simply??

Lots of people forget simple things. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Everyone's brains work differently, there's nothing wrong with them or you. You just process things differently.

M_also_lonely said:
I liked somebody, a girl in our class.I really cared for her. I once told her. She said, "U need a doctor. U r not someone who should have a girlfriend." Why did she tell like this. She went with somebody else.

Girls can be bitches sometimes. She could say that to anyone and I wouldn't take the judgment of that person to heart. If someone is going to say that to you, you shouldn't want to know them anyway.

M_also_lonely said:
Once in my class I showed them solving rubiks cube in 30 seconds. Nobody appreciated it. But after some months, a guy did the same in two minutes, and people were going crazy. Why???

This sounds like you are trying to impress people. Why?

M_also_lonely said:
I study with dedication, but cannot score great. No problem. But why the hell is the guy next to me scoring great when he us merely studying?
We play games on LAN, all others play great . I practice too. But while playing, I just let the opponent kill me, while I am watching him. Why am I like this.??

Not everyone can transfer what they know to tests. I don't, for one minute, believe that test scores and grades show the intelligence of a person.
As for the game, it sounds like you are psyching yourself out thinking maybe you can't win, so you just don't try. Always try, you never know what will happen and it's a learning experience whether you win or lose.

M_also_lonely said:
I donate to beggars, I help everywhere I can. Sometimes I get appreciated, sometimes not. Ok no problem. But why am I not like others. They say u r not like us, but no one tells how abd why.... They say, they cant explain.

Do you do it for the acknowledgement? Not everyone is going to appreciate everything good that you do, don't let it get you down. When you help people, it shows how much of a caring person you are and that's a good thing.

I think you care too much about getting acknowledgement and appreciation for doing things. You can't go into something thinking like that. It's likely people will see your disappointment when you don't get it and that's why they may think you aren't as caring. You don't need to see a doctor or be like others, those other people need to see someone about manners.
Keep doing what you're doing and be confident in who you are and things will go better and you won't care so much about what other people think of you.

M_also_lonely · Mar 4, 2015

"everybody's brain processes differently", ""its normal", etc are easy to be said, u would feel like u r in hell when you have these things together. I dont study for myself, I study so that I can earn some amount in future and serve my parents and to give them a proper place to live.And I got no body to share my problems with. My father was never close to me. He doesnt talk to me like a father to his son. But I care. And not for that APPRECIATION.
You dont know how it feels like when u cant remember the things that even little kids do.

Please dont say that I am doing anything to get noticed. Its not true. I rrally dont like it when u say that. Because its not true..

And for the rubik cube, it was an event I participated in....For your information not for appreciation.

I went to dance, not for appreciation. Just to see how it feels.

I need a friend. Just one. Not even two. Not for appreciation.Just for telling how I feel.

I donate, not for appreciation. Bcz I am so weak that I cant see myself eating while they beg.

And I am telling this, not for appreciation.

TheRealCallie ---- U know one thing, people tell me clearly when they dont like me.
So I tell u clearly that whatever u r saying, I cant bear . esp. "U need/ appreciation."

Its on the third post u replied me. And everytime u disappointed me....No problem with that. Its just that I got a lot of disappointment already.

So better not pretend to be helping me to get acknowledgement or appreciation

Thank you

TheRealCallie · Mar 4, 2015

Now just hold up a minute. I didn't say you WERE doing it for appreciation. I said it SEEMS that way because of how disappointed you are when you don't get it.

Yes, I understand it can hurt when you don't get what you feel you deserve, but when you go into something expecting to get acknowledgement, you will often be disappointed. MANY people don't do things simply for appreciation, but when they don't get it, they feel dejected.

As what as whether or not I understand it, you don't know that. You don't know what I understand and don't understand. I remember quite a few a things. Most are things I don't need to remember, but that's just how my brain works. I don't often remember names, but I remember faces. I could tell you a phone number from 20 years ago before I could tell you the name of my next door neighbor. And if my circuit breakers weren't labeled, I wouldn't remember what each one is for. Almost everyone has an issue of some kind with remembering something, even if it's slight. Whether or not it's as complex as yours isn't the point, because each person feels differently about what they can and cannot do.

I never said you did it only for appreciation and my last paragraph shows that, IMO. You DO help people and kudos to you for doing that, but it seems like there's at least some small part of you that wants acknowledgement for what you do. There's nothing wrong with that, because everyone, if they're honest with themselves, IMO wants that. The key is to not let it affect you so much when you don't get it.
As for the dancing, I never even mentioned appreciation there. I said you likely weren't confident or were nervous and other people likely saw it. So if you go in with confidence, not caring what other people think, it won't go over so badly. Yes, people might still laugh, but more will see you having fun and not caring and may just join in with you.

Peaches · Mar 4, 2015

a) anyone who tells you "you are not like us" is an a*&hole (can I write a%^*le in a post?) same for someone who is capable of saying to another human being "you are not someone who can have a girlfriend"
b) to paraphrase Forrest Gump, "normal is as normal does" , nobody is "normal", in certain groups some things are seen as normal, you change group and the idea of normal changes

bodeilla · Mar 5, 2015

Sounds like you want to fit in. Maybe you can ask yourself why it's so important. Maybe it's just best to be true to yourself and stick to things that feel comfortable. Not everyone is going to like you. It's more important that you like yourself. Then what other people do and say won't matter. And like someone said, some people are rude. For sure it doesn't matter what they think.

bonin151 · Mar 5, 2015

Hmmm... In my opinion you need new friends and in my experience im the shy kid at highschool and my friends bully and make fun of me
But at college i became desperate and just like what you did tried to get out of comfortzone and i succeeded but still problems didnt end for me
I made new friends who doesnt knew me so i can grow and be someone else

But that girl is just harsh and also your friends hope they go to hell

M_also_lonely · Mar 5, 2015

bodeilla said:
It's more important that you like yourself.

I dont know what should make me like myself.

bodeilla · Mar 5, 2015

M_also_lonely said:
I dont know what should make me like myself.

Well, let's see. You help out people who are less fortunate, you like music and trying new things, you're good at puzzles and when you see something you want you go for it. Those are all really great things.

I hope you see how great you really are.

M_also_lonely · Mar 5, 2015

bodeilla said:
M_also_lonely said:

I dont know what should make me like myself.

Click to expand...

Well, let's see. You help out people who are less fortunate, you like music and trying new things, you're good at puzzles and when you see something you want you go for it. Those are all really great things.

I hope you see how great you really are.

Ohh, True. But dont you think that these are very small and simple things? I mean anyone can do that.

Abd solving puzzles does not cure my loneliness.

bodeilla · Mar 6, 2015

Sometimes the best things in life are the simplest things. And anyone can do anything they want to do. Everything is possible when you set your mind to it. So if you want to do more, just believe you can.

Solving puzzles can help with loneliness. It's a skill that others share. Maybe if you found a gamers group on meetup or something you could find other people to hang out with. It's just a suggestion. I need to eat my own dog food. I'm looking for meetups too. I wish us both luck.

Triple Bogey · Mar 6, 2015

M_also_lonely said:
After getting a lot of inspiration here, from a few members, I have started making changes in my life. But there are some situations around me that I dont know how to solve.

Last week I went to a party. DJ party. Everybody was dancing. I never danced previously. But I decided to try. I tried.After some time, I found people laughing at me. I just moved out as soon as possible. Next day, one of my classmates told me, "Its better for u not to try these things, they are not for u. U r not like us. " How??? And Why????

I dont know why, but I forget simple things. I still forget where I keep my things. I forget which switches work for what, I forget that. I know that u would tell me abt techniques to remember things, but why do I need techniques to remember, while most of the people dont?? Why cant I remember them simply??

I liked somebody, a girl in our class.I really cared for her. I once told her. She said, "U need a doctor. U r not someone who should have a girlfriend." Why did she tell like this. She went with somebody else.
Once in my class I showed them solving rubiks cube in 30 seconds. Nobody appreciated it. But after some months, a guy did the same in two minutes, and people were going crazy. Why???

I study with dedication, but cannot score great. No problem. But why the hell is the guy next to me scoring great when he us merely studying?
We play games on LAN, all others play great . I practice too. But while playing, I just let the opponent kill me, while I am watching him. Why am I like this.??

I donate to beggars, I help everywhere I can. Sometimes I get appreciated, sometimes not. Ok no problem. But why am I not like others. They say u r not like us, but no one tells how abd why.... They say, they cant explain.

Why can't I enjoy dancing? Why does a girl say that I need a doctor, when I told her abt the qualities that I like in her?
Why am I considered "pretending to be good" when I care, while others pretend to care and are called "caring"??

Its not that I want these things badly, but it would help me a lot if I would be like u, normal as they call themselves.

This is just kids at school picking on the weakest link.
Or the kid in the class who isn't cool or acts a bit differently.
I wouldn't take notice of any these people. Their opinions shouldn't matter to you.

Hopefully you find some nicer people to be friends with. Who are going to appreciate you.

TheRealCallie · Mar 6, 2015

M_also_lonely said:
bodeilla said:

M_also_lonely said:

I dont know what should make me like myself.

Click to expand...

Well, let's see. You help out people who are less fortunate, you like music and trying new things, you're good at puzzles and when you see something you want you go for it. Those are all really great things.

I hope you see how great you really are.

Click to expand...

Ohh, True. But dont you think that these are very small and simple things? I mean anyone can do that.

Abd solving puzzles does not cure my loneliness.

Anyone can do them, but how many actually DO?

Find a club or meetup for puzzle or something like that. There's a club for just about everything, you just have to look. Find like minded people and have a good time.

jaguarundi · Mar 6, 2015

It might not be easy to find new friends but make an effort.

What is " normal" for them doesn't fit you. Ask yourself, "why do I want to be around people who don't like me, or like to make fun of me?"

Then go and seek out people who are "normal" in the way you are.
And if you can't find them now, rest assured that there will be a lot more when you get into higher education. At which point the "normal" people who act badly towards you now, are normally likely to be flipping burgers.

Blue Bob · Mar 7, 2015

My dancing ability always increases with my partner's ability. Also it's helpful if our styles match. I never dance alone.

If you need special techniques to remember things, then do that. It’s ok. No big deal.

I’m sure people noticed your cubing ability. That’s awesome. I can do the rubiks in about 1-1/2 minutes. I’m happy with that. I have a dayan cube, what kind do you have?

I had a friend in college that never had to study and did well. I had to study. Today he works in a warehouse, and I don’t. Do what you have to do.

It’s important to be appreciated. If it came easily it probably wouldn’t mean as much.

Many people present a false facade to the world. I see this a lot and it sounds like you do too. I think people that are like that don’t see it in themselves or others.

In my opinion it’s best to be unique. The most memorable people in my life have been unique.

If you were like me, you wouldn’t be “normal”.

M_also_lonely · Mar 8, 2015

Blue Bob said:
My dancing ability always increases with my partner's ability. Also it's helpful if our styles match. I never dance alone.

If you need special techniques to remember things, then do that. It’s ok. No big deal.

I’m sure people noticed your cubing ability. That’s awesome. I can do the rubiks in about 1-1/2 minutes. I’m happy with that. I have a dayan cube, what kind do you have?

I had a friend in college that never had to study and did well. I had to study. Today he works in a warehouse, and I don’t. Do what you have to do.

It’s important to be appreciated. If it came easily it probably wouldn’t mean as much.

Many people present a false facade to the world. I see this a lot and it sounds like you do too. I think people that are like that don’t see it in themselves or others.

In my opinion it’s best to be unique. The most memorable people in my life have been unique.

If you were like me, you wouldn’t be “normal”.

Thanks a lot for these ideas.

And yes, I have DaYan Zanchi.....

M_also_lonely · Mar 24, 2015

bodeilla said:
Sounds like you want to fit in. Maybe you can ask yourself why it's so important. Maybe it's just best to be true to yourself and stick to things that feel comfortable. Not everyone is going to like you. It's more important that you like yourself. Then what other people do and say won't matter. And like someone said, some people are rude. For sure it doesn't matter what they think.

Its important because I am all alone.....Even I want to see what it feels like when you have some friends, you go to places with them. You have fun with them. You have fights with them, I want to experience it.

I want to be a normal person. How do I become normal.?

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