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randomdude

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I am 20 years old male gym muscular, tall and fit and untill recently i wasn't able to change my way of thinking that i am ugliest and most digusting human that ever lived, i barelly let go of my suicidal thoughts month ago and now i can really feel i am better. Thing is people tend to lift me up to skies basically in their way of thinking. For example most recently i worked at one restaurant all girls swarm me saying i am best looking co-worker they ever seen.. Males think i am guy that gets laid every night and that i could kick anyones ass they make me alpha among them basically. THIS is how they see me? In reality i am insecure-anxious depressed virgin, i haven't had girlfiend in 3 years if i count out small 1-7 days relationships. One co-worker came to me asking me to meet him with my female friends and i have 0 girl friends. In 2014 i made a move on 6 girls biggest achievement was 7 days relationship with one and other 5 dump me like trash. But i don't give a fuk the thing that worries me is THAT people think i am something i am not and act on it. But on the other side if they saw me like a nerd that i feel i am would i feel better? I am confused i just don't like that presure people give me for just my appearance and looks.. Would trade looks for confidence any day XD
 
The biggest confidence boost will be when you get a real girlfriend. It'll happen one day, be patient. In the meantime, continue to be yourself.
 
You're still very young so you have plenty of time to find the right one. Just don't give up and keep trying.

As for people's perceptions of you, that's really out of your control until they get to know you. We have been bombarded by stereotypes for so long that people assume that just because you look the part you act the part. The more they get to know you for who you are the more that will go away. I have a friend who i used to work with and she did some runway modeling and won a few beauty contests when she was in school. She was (and still is actually) very attractive. Other women who worked with us HATED her just because of how beautiful she was, not because of anything she did or said (she's actually one of the nicest and most down to earth people you'd ever meet). But the thing was she rarely dated because guys either assumed someone that pretty already had a boyfriend or would never go out with a "regular guy" (She ended up marrying a paramedic :) ) so they never asked her. She fought and eventually succeeded in breaking the stereotype that she was put in. You can too.
 
I am a short, nondescript male and I actually wish I were taller and stronger.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
 
I think it's hard for some people to believe that attractive people can have insecurity problems. I think I get what you're saying. You want people to like you for you, not who they think you are, based on your appearance. But then again, perhaps you are afraid to get close to people and let them know the real you in fear that they might reject you. Maybe that's why your relationships are so short-lived, even if the girls are the ones dumping you. Society tells males that it is not ok to be a virgin, and if you are, there's something wrong with you. Males aren't allowed to show vulnerability or any other emotion that make them look "weak". Perhaps you should try to find confidence in yourself before pursuing relationships, then once you're in one you will be able to make it work. Hopefully it is with someone who accepts you for you, that includes your flaws. :)
 
lonelydoc said:
I am a short, nondescript male and I actually wish I were taller and stronger.
The grass is always greener on the other side.

women like taller men.
 
Triple Bogey said:
lonelydoc said:
I am a short, nondescript male and I actually wish I were taller and stronger.
The grass is always greener on the other side.

women like taller men.

Yes this is true. One consistency in this world is that women prefer taller men. A man can be tall yet ugly and broke, and still be preferred over a shorter male.

A short male pretty much has to be super rich or super charismatic to stand a chance.

In the same way that men prefer the younger and prettier woman, even if she is an inexperienced ditz.
 
lonelydoc said:
Triple Bogey said:
lonelydoc said:
I am a short, nondescript male and I actually wish I were taller and stronger.
The grass is always greener on the other side.

women like taller men.

Yes this is true. One consistency in this world is that women prefer taller men. A man can be tall yet ugly and broke, and still be preferred over a shorter male.

A short male pretty much has to be super rich or super charismatic to stand a chance.

In the same way that men prefer the younger and prettier woman, even if she is an inexperienced ditz.

:rolleyes:

This is bullshit.
Quite a few of my exes, including the guy I married, were shorter than I am. None of them were rich or especially charismatic. Okay, a few were, but my husband wasn't.


randomdude said:
the thing that worries me is THAT people think i am something i am not and act on it. But on the other side if they saw me like a nerd that i feel i am would i feel better?

By not acting like the person you really are, you are putting a false front up, so of course people will assume things. What's wrong with being who you are? What's wrong with acting like the nerd you are?
Show them you are more than just a man whore, getting laid every night. Do something small to make them see that you are more than that, if you're worried about it, see how they take it.
 
I'm 6ft 3ins tall and didn't meet anyone at all until I was 24, so the tall thing is complete tosh. For example, if you had to date either Tom Cruise or Lurch from The Adams Family, which would you pick?

I've mentioned it before here but when I compare those I know who have partners to those who are struggling to find one, the key difference is how they live their lives. The ones who have partners live a very positive life, work in interesting fields or have good hobbies. They do charity work, go to college to learn exciting things, write, travel to interesting places and basically live their lives with as much positivity as they can. The single ones (who are not single by choice) tend to lead dull lives, with nothing to talk about because all they've done is sit and watch TV or spend all night posting on message boards (no irony lost!) are unemployed or work menial jobs that they've done all their life because they've not had the gumption to look for something better.
 
h3donist said:
The single ones (who are not single by choice) tend to lead dull lives, with nothing to talk about because all they've done is sit and watch TV or spend all night posting on message boards (no irony lost!) are unemployed or work menial jobs that they've done all their life because they've not had the gumption to look for something better.

You've just described an average, introverted guy. You're basically saying that it's male introversion that kills attraction, more than other factors.

It really make me wonder if there's any hope. So I don't like to go out and about and do exciting things, I prefer to do things my own way, at my own pace, with few friends and without trying to climb any social ladder. If that's me--shouldn't there be someone out there who can appreciate it? Everyone says to be yourself...
 
Batman55 said:
It really make me wonder if there's any hope. So I don't like to go out and about and do exciting things, I prefer to do things my own way, at my own pace, with few friends and without trying to climb any social ladder. If that's me--shouldn't there be someone out there who can appreciate it? Everyone says to be yourself...

Of course there's hope. Unless you are sitting in your house watching TV, never going anywhere and not trying, then you will eventually find someone similar to you. If introverted guys lead "dull" lives (which I don't think are dull, necessarily), then so do girls and you will eventually come across those girls, if you are looking.

But, she won't just fall in your lap, you at least have to get out there and try, meet new people and whatnot. "Exciting" is a complex term. What's exciting for one person could be dull or extreme for the next.
 
TheRealCallie said:
"Exciting" is a complex term. What's exciting for one person could be dull or extreme for the next.

Not everyone is looking for "exciting" either. Some people just want someone to watch movies with.
 
You make a point hedonist but my response is that, if there is any evidence of an absence of coupling or reproduction in the world, I don't see it.

I see a world of 7 billion humans all grabbing, fighting, reproducing, and most of them pretty successfully accomplishing that. You know that even thugs in prison have babies? I've seen doctors use all sorts of complicated procedures to help the infertile...the infertile! reproduce. These are the very people that in theory natural selection should have eliminated. Just recently I had a male patient who couldn't conceive, and he was given a cocktail of hormones and ended up have two sets of twins...4 children. I've had patients who have no income, on housing subsidy, who nonetheless have multiple kids, sometimes by different partners.

And, by the way, those kids are fed, raised, and kept alive by the tax dollars that are taken away from you, whenever you go to work at whatever job you do.

So there is actually something systemically wrong. Some of us are being stolen from and seeing our chances diminished in favor of others, and this is not natural.
 
lonelydoc said:
You make a point hedonist but my response is that, if there is any evidence of an absence of coupling or reproduction in the world, I don't see it.

I see a world of 7 billion humans all grabbing, fighting, reproducing, and most of them pretty successfully accomplishing that. You know that even thugs in prison have babies? I've seen doctors use all sorts of complicated procedures to help the infertile...the infertile! reproduce. These are the very people that in theory natural selection should have eliminated. Just recently I had a male patient who couldn't conceive, and he was given a cocktail of hormones and ended up have two sets of twins...4 children. I've had patients who have no income, on housing subsidy, who nonetheless have multiple kids, sometimes by different partners.

And, by the way, those kids are fed, raised, and kept alive by the tax dollars that are taken away from you, whenever you go to work at whatever job you do.

So there is actually something systemically wrong. Some of us are being stolen from and seeing our chances diminished in favor of others, and this is not natural.

So wait, are you saying that people who struggle to have a child and need medical intervention to do so are horrible people that should die because they want a child?
If I'm mistaken in what you wrote, I will apologize. I have A LOT of friends/acquaintances who struggle and go to great lengths to have a child and there is NOTHING wrong with that. If they weren't meant to have a child, the processes to get one shouldn't exist. Quite a few of those that are unable to have their own adopt. One person I know used IVF and ended up having triplets....twice.
I also know a girl who is pregnant with her 8th child right now. Yeah, she and her husband needed help for a while. Now they have a charity group that collects and gives toys and other stuff to needy families for holidays.
Hell, I was getting welfare for a year or two. Do some abuse the system...yes, but certainly not all and it's not your right to judge. There is a way you can report the fraud cases, I've done it. But know what you're talking about before you go running your mouth.
 
There is no "right" to have children, even if the technology in the modern world gives this illusion. You've proved my point. Your example of somebody who is naturally infertile, but nonetheless has six kids now due to IVF. Who picks up the tab, pray tell?

The world has 7.2+ billion human beings. We don't need infinite population expansion.
 
lonelydoc said:
You've proved my point. Your example of somebody who is naturally infertile, but nonetheless has six kids now due to IVF. Who picks up the tab, pray tell?

Like they can help it that they used IVF and got pregnant with triplets. As far as who picked up the tab, THEY DID, thank you very much.
Also, most health insurances will NOT cover IVF, so most people HAVE to pay for it themselves. :rolleyes:

You aren't God or some superior being, it's not your decision to make. Perhaps if you have such a problem with people having kids, you should move to China, where family size is restricted.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Perhaps if you have such a problem with people having kids, you should move to China, where family size is restricted.

Tangent Alert

I thought China eased up on the one-child policy recently…

Am I wrong?
 

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