Despicable Me said:
It sounds like you just need to actually invest some time into finding something you're passionate about.
In your profile you mention comedy. So try pursuing that. Write up a skit and maybe participate in an open-mic night somewhere. Most comedians fail the first few times, so if its something you love you'll keep trying.
If you're not interested in that, what are you interested in? What kind of person do you 'want' to be? What barriers do you have preventing you from being that kind of person?
I guess the thing is that I have a hard time psyching myself up to be really interested in most things. I tend to have little energy or motivation to do much and it's kind of been like that for such a drastically prolonged period that I feel I can't really relate to people my age who are into things.
I mean, I like listening to comedy but I'm not sure I can bring myself to actually do it. Whenever I try to write something, my brain gets stuck. I think I have a defective brain sometimes because I can't really keep my mind on much of anything or process or understand information well. Focusing or concentrating or maintaining interest in any one task is incredibly difficult. I keep thinking I want to write stories and such but the actual task of doing so seems overwhelming.
The thing is I'm honestly not really good at anything and don't have much aptitude for anything. I used to think I wanted to be a writer or editor after school but the past few years I haven't been able to write anything and the prospect of writing just tends to stress me out half the time. I would like to work in nonprofits I guess and help less fortunate people if possible. But I really don't have much ambition in life and my only real reason for wanting to get a job was so I wouldn't feel bad about myself constantly for not having one. What I do now isn't a particularly good job and I kind of don't really want to work in that field long-term but it's temporary anyway and I sort of enjoy it for the time being, or at least it's a routine I've grown comfortable with.
I like listening to music which lately is what I spend almost all of my free time doing and I like going to concerts sometimes and would like to do stuff like that more often.
I sometimes feel I don't really have a whole lot to live for or look forward to though.
jaguarundi said:
Congratulations on your job. You have every reason to feel good about yourself on starting it.
It is possible that your low mood is just a reaction to being a bit keyed up about your new job. Also that your job has tired you a bit, which also can cause a low mood.
If you work among people but then spend the weekend on your own, it can be a downer as well.
All of which is somewhat natural, so don't despair or think you will get stuck. Your job is a great step, you can have a little pause,then onwards and upwards.
I guess it's kind of a step, and I feel a little better than when I was doing practically nothing other than hating myself. But I still feel like I don't have anything going for me really. I'm not a particularly good or interesting person and I can't really relate to people when I have nothing to offer anyone. It's not really a long-term job or something I'm terribly passionate enough but there are some cool people there and I like it enough for what it is and it isn't bad so far. But at the same time I don't really feel like a real person. I can't hold conversations and I don't know much about anything and I don't feel like I really have much in life that I really look forward to or am excited about. I wonder if the part of me that enjoys or takes interest in things may be broken and I wonder what I'm really living for.
tc00 said:
Congragulation on getting a job, what kind of work is it? Yeah, maybe the loneliness of the weekend is what deflated your mood and outlook. Would it be possible to volunteer doing something that would help others on the weekend? I know some animal shelters even like to have volunteers to take the dogs for a walk, brush them and stuff like that. I know what ya mean about lacking energythough, depression does suck the energy and life from a person. And it's tough to try and do stuff for others like that when ya feel so behind on stuff ya need to get done yourself. The mind can seem so transient, hard to start new things and hard to stick with them too.
You feel you have nothing to contribute, to say to people, but that's the depression and all it's friends talking. Don't lose sight of your accomplishment of getting a job, you can build on that, try not to get frustrated with yourself in the short term. People like us are very hard on ourselves, it's difficult to change that. When you feel very negative try and remember the positives, the things you have overcome.
Rather than overwhelm yourself, you could make a short list of things feel might interest you. Don't jump too far in, just read a short article rather than wading in right away. I can't read books anymore, my mind just races too much, so I reread the same page and still don't feel I got it. That's makes me feel more the fool and I spout off some nice words about what a dope I am. I read short articles, newspapers online from different parts of the world. You will find yourself better aware than the average person on events happening in the far corners of the world. You will have more to talk about too. You might look at the change.org, or avaaz.org. I usually find things that stir my emotions and fire me up there. Just for fun and when you are sitting around, look around on Google street maps, I find it fun to look at places like London, and Cape Town (as a couple examples) or look at earthcam and their streaming cams. How about photography, are you interested in that at all? Or do you like art or like to try painting or something like that? Perhaps you could take a class, you would meet people there and if one has a common interest such as taking pictures, it's easier to make conversation. Just a few ideas I hope will be of help.
I mean, I felt good about myself for it at first, but the fact is that at the end of the day I still have basically nothing really going for me. I don't know how offer people can connect so easily and engage in life. Even the things I think I could be in, I can't really will myself to pursue. And thus, I waste my youth.
Yeah I wish I could be more passionate about things or had more constructive hobbies that made me truly feel good. I guess it's just that most things I could do seem more like an ordeal and I struggle to will myself to do them.
I guess writing could be a thing, but I can't really get myself to write. Any tasks that require sustained mental effort or concentration tend to pan out badly for me, so that rules our basically everything. I tend to be terrible at most things. I've discovered I like listening to music if that counts. I like comedy sometimes and acting is something I keep saying I'd like to do more but I'm never sure how to go about something like that.
Peaches said:
well, do you really care about that job? I mean, a new job is great but do you feel good about it, does it fulfill you? Because that is important too, although maybe not always possible to achieve.
I felt the same last year, when I landed what seemed a good position that in fact was not good for me at all.
Why do you say you have no means to interact with people? Because of no time, tiredness or..
to be fair it sounds like you are bit physically burned out
Well, not really, but the thing is that over time I've started to doubt whether anything really can fulfill me but I have to do something. I think what I really need to fulfill me has to come outside of whatever I'm doing for work. I wouldn't want to define myself solely by my job, but at the root of it, as a person, I'm basically nothing, or less than that. And that never really goes away.
I have means of interacting with people because I'm simply not good with people. Other people have skills, aptitude, hopes, dreams, goals, personality, passions, hobbies, interests, excitement, activities, experiences, memories, things to talk about, things to say, things to contribute. I don't really have any of those things, I just kind of vaguely exist, and have been this way so long it feels impossible to catch up and relate to people on any sort of level. Why would anyone want to hang out with someone who isn't interested in anything, doesn't like anything, and has little to offer people? Human relationships are more transactional than most people care to admit, and I simply have no currency to trade with. If anyone truly got to know me, they would tire of me quickly.
I think I've kind of been burned out for awhile, mostly by life in general and how pointless most things tend to seem.
WallflowerGirl83 said:
Sounds to me like your just burnt out by working, you may need some time to relax. Go out and do something relaxing.
Do you enjoy your job? Does it stress you out often? If it does, maybe you should find a job that's not so stressful. I remember when I worked at Wal-Mart, it was a very stressful job and I wasn't a happy person at all. What type of job do you have? Is it a stressful job?
It's not really a career-type job and not really a field I want to go into long-term, mostly office stuff, but I don't hate it and even kind of like it simply because it feels constructive and has become routine. I don't know if it's necessarily burnt out from working, at least not at this point, as I've felt close to the same way for a long time before I got the job and haven't really had it long yet. But it feels worse to feel bad like that when you're working and have less time to yourself. It's like having a limited amount of time to recharge yourself, but instead you use too much of it to deplete your mental energy even more feeling bad about yourself and come back feeling worse. Granted this was a couple weeks ago and the last couple weeks have been somewhat better but I still get these down moments and I feel like I'm not really living life but settling into a routine and that that's how my existence has been for too long to break out of. I think the problem's more with me at this point and the fact that I really have very little about myself to feel good about or look forward to. I guess for awhile that simply having a job would make myself magically feel better for some odd reason, but I realized too late that it really doesn't change anything. I don't really know what the point of this post was.
Thank you all for replying with thoughtful responses, I'm always anxious about posting and responding with my life and such which is why I took so long to respond, but I wanted you to know your input is appreciated
