A letter to Heaven.

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Ready RSG

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Oct 31, 2013
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Dear Heaven,

It's me Strickland. I've decided to... No I needed to write you a letter. Even if you never get a chance to do you read it. You've been dead now for 6 going on 7 years. I'm sad that we've been apart for so long. As I type this I'm fighting back tears. We were together for 4 years. I've been mourning you longer than I've known you.

I've turned 26 now. I'm actually growing facial hair. When we were together I could barely grow whiskers on my chin. Now I shave 3 times a week, If only you can see me know. I've started writings as a hobby. I'm not working at the the factory anymore. Shortly after you passed away. They let me go, I stopped showing up. That was weak and stupid of me now I work retail. I went from working 50 hours a week to only working 16, I moved back in with my mother when I lost the apartment it's pathetic I know.

After I lost the job I lost our apartment, our sanctuary it wasn't the same without you. I remember how we use to sleep together you and I squeezed together on that tiny twin sized bed. I hated how small it was. Now I miss how close it forced us to be. Also that bell pendant you owned I kept it, I attached it to my key ring. I think of you when I see it. I told myself that it was the only thing of yours that I would keep. Recently I was digging through my old things and found an old thumb drive it was the 1 I use back when I was in school. I was shocked It had pictures of you on it 9 of them. 5 pics of you posing in bed, 3 of you posing while laying on the living room carpet and the one I took while you were sleeping (that's my favorite one). A while back Evan told me your mom died may you both rest in peace.

The pictures I found are what compelled me to write you. Those pictures, I was so tempted to use the picture of you sleeping as my wallpaper for my cell phone. I didn't I'm scared that if my friends or family seen your picture on my phone they might realize how pathetic I really am. Instead I saved on 3 different hard drives just in case something happens. I want you to know that you represent the happiest time in my life. I was fresh out of school living on my own. I had a good paying job and had you by my side. You're death was abrupt. The accident was your fault. I was in denial and wanted to blame the other guy. When last I saw you, you were so close but so far. I wanted to hug you one last time but I wasn't allowed to touch you. I often think back to the time our neighbor's dog got loose and tried to attack us. I put myself in between you and the dog without a second thought. We were lucky the dog didn't harm us. I was so proud of myself. After when we got back into the apartment high on my own hubris I promise I would always protect you I was so serious that promise the first and last promise I ever broke. For years now I've carried the guilt of that promise I often cry when I think about it. Heaven no matter how much I messed up you always forgave me even when I didn't deserve it. When you needed me most I was in our apartment playing Xbox when I should have been with you. I've regretted it for years. So I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me even if it was a naive promise, a promise is still a promise.

Heaven, I know you would be disappointed in my life choices after your passing. I've become a man who cries when he thinks no one is looking and I'm ashamed. I've become a 26 year old underachiever and I'm ashamed. I wasn't there to shield you when it mattered and I'm ashamed.

Heaven, I love you. I love you. I love you. I...LOVE...YOU!!!

Sincerely Yours,
Strickland
 

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