Everyday seems darker & darker

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L

Leef `c

Guest
Wake up, go on the computer, go to bed
Wake up, go on the computer, go to bed
Wake up, go on the computer, go to bed
Wake up, go on the computer, go to bed
Everyday...

I feel like I'm starting to lose myself & and my mind. I can't find a job to save my life. I get more discouraged and depressed as each new day arises. I don't talk to any of my friends anymore or anyone for that matter. I don't even know why I pay to have a cell phone if I have no one to keep in touch with. I don't feel like theirs a point in getting out of bed anymore. I live with my Grandmother. I feel ashamed when they see me everyday sitting on the computer the entire day.

I think I will hire someone to poison me in my sleep.
 
I know what you mean. You seem to have the same life as me :(

I get 300 minutes a moth on my phone for free. last moths I used 1 minute and that was to my Nana. Well I say free but I pay for the contract. So I ask what is the point in having a phone.

When someone asks what I been up to and I say been on the PC all day. Its kinder off a conversation stopper.

I would take off to the see side but on your own its boring. Shame we did not all live closer together.

I text a mate last week twice and he didn't even bother replying. He dose this all the time then just as I think he doesn't wont anything to do with me he turns up. I have decided that hes just a noob and am now going to not have anything to do with him.

So I now have zero friends. just a copol of cousins that I still talk to. God knows how long it well be, be for they fall out with me.

I wish I could be moor positive for you Sixtyten but am finding it hard myself right now to see the bright side of life.
 
Bluey said:
I know what you mean. You seem to have the same life as me :(

I get 300 minutes a moth on my phone for free. last moths I used 1 minute and that was to my Nana. Well I say free but I pay for the contract. So I ask what is the point in having a phone.

When someone asks what I been up to and I say been on the PC all day. Its kinder off a conversation stopper.

I would take off to the see side but on your own its boring. Shame we did not all live closer together.

I text a mate last week twice and he didn't even bother replying. He dose this all the time then just as I think he doesn't wont anything to do with me he turns up. I have decided that hes just a noob and am now going to not have anything to do with him.

So I now have zero friends. just a copol of cousins that I still talk to. God knows how long it well be, be for they fall out with me.

I wish I could be moor positive for you Sixtyten but am finding it hard myself right now to see the bright side of life.

At least you live alone and don't have the deal with the humiliation of people actually seeing you on the computer everyday. I don't really think there will be a brighter side to my life. I'm 21 now & I have not the slightest bit of motivation to make things better for myself.

For some reason I already feel it's too late. And yes, it would be nice if most of us lived in the same area to go out for some drinks or smoke some bowls at the house & hang out. Talk to each other & try to help each other get on their feet.

The thing is, I'm not really that sad about being lonely, it's just the sadness that I've wasted so much of my life... soo many hours you can't get back. I've did nothing exciting or accomplished anything.
 
I know what you mean about the actual humiliation of people seeing you on the computer. Well its better then just seat at front of the TV, I would say it is anyway. That I think would be worse.

Now it is normal to live at home at 21. I would say there is moor at home at 21 then not so.

As for as the job front goes, well it only takes one person to say yes this is the guy we wont.

Its easy to get demotivated here. I think when you do get a job then that well make you feel better about yourself.

What kinder work are you after?
 
Bluey said:
I know what you mean about the actual humiliation of people seeing you on the computer. Well its better then just seat at front of the TV, I would say it is anyway. That I think would be worse.

Now it is normal to live at home at 21. I would say there is moor at home at 21 then not so.

As for as the job front goes, well it only takes one person to say yes this is the guy we wont.

Its easy to get demotivated here. I think when you do get a job then that well make you feel better about yourself.

What kinder work are you after?

I dunno. Any type of office/data entry/admin job. Or anything having to do with building PC's and such. I wish I had money to live alone.

I don't think it's normal. I browse people's profiles that I went to high school with. Some are in college & traveling the world, others are married & happy. I just feel like a loser compared to...everyone.
 
Well I can appreciate a lot of what you have all said. I have broken up from work today...I have to spend the next 5 and a half weeks feeling sorry for myself and desperately trying to keep busy...that is the difficult bit...knowing that you are going to be able to find time to do things yourself.

If you ever want to talk you know where I am...god knows I need someone to talk to.
 
Your days are marked by the same events, with the only difference being the shadow of despair that grows longer everyday, slowly drowning out the whatever sunshine has been warming your life. You fear that soon it will grow cold, nothing more to nourish your soul.

I beleive that alot of people here can relate to exactly how you may feel. My photo albums are marked with friends I don't see anymore. What time do they have for me when they have their own happy, fullfilling lives to live? Why would they waste time talking to a loser like me? I have a cell phone that never rings. Why do I continue to pay almost 100 bucks a month for a machine that succeeds in reminding me just how isolated I really am?

My health deteriorates. Perhaps if I loved myself, then I would care to remember to work out, to watch what I eat, to take my medicine? But I don't. What does it matter if I don't? Will my passing be remembered by anyone? Will anyone shed a tear over me should something happen?

I wish I could do or say something to make you feel better, Sixtyten, but the simple truth is that only you know the despair that you feel. It would be insulting for me to say otherwise. Your situation is no less painful than what anyone else may feel. What I can say is that the demons you face all are created of the same fabric as mine. Shame. Self loathing. Longing for something better. Trapped. I know that with me when I start to feel really bad it helps to hear someone else share their own concerns with me. With that I get a measure of understanding, and for a while I don't feel so bad. Perhaps with this you can stave off these horrible thoughts and feelings for a bit.

I know virutally nothing about you aside what you have written here, but from what I have seen you have alot of years in front of you. I know that part of you dreads that...many more years of feeling what you feel. But at the same time there is always hope that something will change.

If there is anything I can do for you in this little virtual world of ours that can maybe cheer you up, a pm, a poem, or just someone or something to vent to, I would be honored to do what I could to help.

:)
 
Sixtyten said:
And yes, it would be nice if most of us lived in the same area to go out for some drinks or smoke some bowls at the house & hang out. Talk to each other & try to help each other get on their feet.

amen brotha. that's exactly what this forum needs.

Sixtyten said:
The thing is, I'm not really that sad about being lonely, it's just the sadness that I've wasted so much of my life... soo many hours you can't get back. I've did nothing exciting or accomplished anything.

you're 21. you've got the rest of your ******* life. don't call it over until it's over. find something you enjoy, and do it. and tell that grandmother of yours to make you some cookies for you to snack on at the computer.
 
Yeah i know that feeling Sixty, waking up every day only to spend hours on the computer...and you actually get ashamed of people seeing you online. Thats not so much the case these days but it's really depressing to reflect on how uneventful every day has been.
 
zraskolnikov said:
Sixtyten said:
And yes, it would be nice if most of us lived in the same area to go out for some drinks or smoke some bowls at the house & hang out. Talk to each other & try to help each other get on their feet.

amen brotha. that's exactly what this forum needs.

Sixtyten said:
The thing is, I'm not really that sad about being lonely, it's just the sadness that I've wasted so much of my life... soo many hours you can't get back. I've did nothing exciting or accomplished anything.

you're 21. you've got the rest of your ******* life. don't call it over until it's over. find something you enjoy, and do it. and tell that grandmother of yours to make you some cookies for you to snack on at the computer.

I know I have the rest of my life, but just saying that I've wasted so much of it already.
 
Sixtyten said:
I know I have the rest of my life, but just saying that I've wasted so much of it already.

Doesn't matter what has happened are what you have wasted. I mean you could spend the next 10 years wasting your time on worrying about how much time you have wasted. That wont help now well it.

Its not about the past but about the future.

You come across as a intelligent guy and look like you would not have a problem in pulling the girls. I would say when you get a job your future well look a lot moor rosy.
 
I would cry if you passed away because you were alone when you died...
 
sixtyten i just want you to know that im in the exact same situation as you. im 21. all i do all day is regret that i made these friends and how lonely i really am. seeing other people happy and travel..etc i had a good job but i quit because they screwed my pay. afte i quit my job, the job starting to get better, new boss, better pay, only it happened fter i left. now im just butthurt... lost motivaton. its pretty sweet. i know i wont kill myself, but after a while, it doesnt seem to matter anymore
 
SighX99 said:
sixtyten i just want you to know that im in the exact same situation as you. im 21. all i do all day is regret that i made these friends and how lonely i really am. seeing other people happy and travel..etc i had a good job but i quit because they screwed my pay. afte i quit my job, the job starting to get better, new boss, better pay, only it happened fter i left. now im just butthurt... lost motivaton. its pretty sweet. i know i wont kill myself, but after a while, it doesnt seem to matter anymore

Yeah, things seemed to be looking up when I was employed with this awesome job. Then I got laid off due to the job not making enough business. I had to move in with my Grandma, been here for 3 months now not doing honeysuckle.

Right now it just feels like I can't deal with life. I don't want to take it seriously. And I get this strong emotion of giving up. I just break down. I feel like just a wasted person. I have nothing at all going for me. I'm 21. I should have at least something to put on a resume that's worth reading.
 
Sixtyten said:
Wake up, go on the computer, go to bed
Wake up, go on the computer, go to bed
Wake up, go on the computer, go to bed
Wake up, go on the computer, go to bed
Everyday...

I feel like I'm starting to lose myself & and my mind. I can't find a job to save my life. I get more discouraged and depressed as each new day arises. I don't talk to any of my friends anymore or anyone for that matter. I don't even know why I pay to have a cell phone if I have no one to keep in touch with. I don't feel like theirs a point in getting out of bed anymore. I live with my Grandmother. I feel ashamed when they see me everyday sitting on the computer the entire day.

I think I will hire someone to poison me in my sleep.

I don't even have to read your who paragraph because I am living that life. I wake up out of bed, stare at the beautiful class every morning, then close the drape, and turn on my computer until noon when I eat lunch, and go back on the computer until 12 or 1 at night and then the cycle start all over again for me. Like yourself I also don't have a job as well. I want a job but I have nothing special to put on my resume and I don't like the people around my community as it a dangerous place to live in. I'll keep this quick and short, my parents think I'm weird for spending all of my time in my room alone, I have 1 number in my brand new phone, I have no friends, I live with a horrific father, I hate my sister, often I don't like waking out of bed unless I have to, and I take sleeping pill to past the time away. I'm only 1 year younger than you and I have wasted all off my life. I never did anything fun nor special, never play any sport, never went to prom, never had any real friends, never had a girlfriend, never been anywhere outside of the state, never been to a concert or any sport game, and the list go on and on. So I guess we have the same life then, huh?


Chris
 
Chris 2 said:
Sixtyten said:
Wake up, go on the computer, go to bed
Wake up, go on the computer, go to bed
Wake up, go on the computer, go to bed
Wake up, go on the computer, go to bed
Everyday...

I feel like I'm starting to lose myself & and my mind. I can't find a job to save my life. I get more discouraged and depressed as each new day arises. I don't talk to any of my friends anymore or anyone for that matter. I don't even know why I pay to have a cell phone if I have no one to keep in touch with. I don't feel like theirs a point in getting out of bed anymore. I live with my Grandmother. I feel ashamed when they see me everyday sitting on the computer the entire day.

I think I will hire someone to poison me in my sleep.

I don't even have to read your who paragraph because I am living that life. I wake up out of bed, stare at the beautiful class every morning, then close the drape, and turn on my computer until noon when I eat lunch, and go back on the computer until 12 or 1 at night and then the cycle start all over again for me. Like yourself I also don't have a job as well. I want a job but I have nothing special to put on my resume and I don't like the people around my community as it a dangerous place to live in. I'll keep this quick and short, my parents think I'm weird for spending all of my time in my room alone, I have 1 number in my brand new phone, I have no friends, I live with a horrific father, I hate my sister, often I don't like waking out of bed unless I have to, and I take sleeping pill to past the time away. I'm only 1 year younger than you and I have wasted all off my life. I never did anything fun nor special, never play any sport, never went to prom, never had any real friends, never had a girlfriend, never been anywhere outside of the state, never been to a concert or any sport game, and the list go on and on. So I guess we have the same life then, huh?


Chris

Yup, pretty much.
 

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