My enemy is myself

If you treat others as you want to be treated you may be disappointed however you can be proud of yourself

BeyondShy said:

I've been gone for almost a year now and it's been kind of and up and down one but I imagine that is how it would be for anyone who is a member here or not. I used to be a daily poster in here but things got kind of difficult for me and I decided to cut down on my time here. I didn't want to fight with people about silly things anymore but at the same time I missed a lot of the people that I enjoyed talking to. There are some really good people here so I come back for the holidays and maybe a part in January but I will have to see about that.

It took me a long time to catch up on posts in here but one really stood out for me. In fact I was stunned by it. I'm talking about the one where VanillaCreme sadly reported to everyone in here about the passing of EveWasFramed. I was lucky to have a few nice conversations with her and I mourn her loss as much as the people in here who knew her much better than I did.

I see some new people in here that were not here when I left and I want to welcome them now. Some people have returned and some who have left that I really have no opinion of. You know, kind of like how you feel about me.

What I have been trying to concentrate on this past year is trying not to think of what I believe others may think of me at a certain time. And there have been times when it has worked and to be quite honest here many times when it has not. The times it has not has made me upset with myself and indirectly at the person who made me feel that way although I don't let them know it. I basically get upset with myself because I should know better. I doubt if anyone in here can identify with what I just said.

It is my hope that everyone here is doing well and will continue to do so in the new year. I know I am going to try.

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Third paragraph. That's really unfair of you to say. I don't mean to others; I mean towards YOURSELF. I don't think we had prolonged convos, but I do remember you, Beyond. I also remember thinking your a good person and you of all people should definetely think so of yourself. Life has an odd way of letting us down sometimes but we have a responsibility to ourselves to think of ourselves in uplifting term, irregardless of what other people say or think. The same goes out to you. You sound like you're real hard on yourself and while its not necessarily a bad thing, too much will just smother you. 
Give yourself some credit sometimes
I feel towards what I feel towards ALL members here, wether I share their thoughts or not; this forum is POORER without you than with you.
Regardless, good luck, hope to see you again ;-)

BeyondShy said:

I've been gone for almost a year now and it's been kind of and up and down one but I imagine that is how it would be for anyone who is a member here or not. I used to be a daily poster in here but things got kind of difficult for me and I decided to cut down on my time here. I didn't want to fight with people about silly things anymore but at the same time I missed a lot of the people that I enjoyed talking to. There are some really good people here so I come back for the holidays and maybe a part in January but I will have to see about that.

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Welcome back. Yes, I mean that.

First off, I want to apologize. I am really sorry. And yes, I mean that, too.

I understand your point completely. It's very easy to get consumed by the stupidity of it all. I did a lot of things during my time here that were nothing but acts of bullying, viscous and certainly unnecessary. My place here isn't what it used to be, not even close.

I am glad that you found people you are comfortable with here. That's all anyone really wants.

I have all the best wishes for you in the New Year. Whether you end up staying here or not, keep your head up.

Welcome back BeyondShy

BadGuy said:

If you treat others as you want to be treated you may be disappointed however you can be proud of yourself

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That's true. I don't think anyone could argue with that statement.

Richard_39 said:

Third paragraph. That's really unfair of you to say. I don't mean to others; I mean towards YOURSELF. I don't think we had prolonged convos, but I do remember you, Beyond. I also remember thinking your a good person and you of all people should definetely think so of yourself. Life has an odd way of letting us down sometimes but we have a responsibility to ourselves to think of ourselves in uplifting term, irregardless of what other people say or think. The same goes out to you. You sound like you're real hard on yourself and while its not necessarily a bad thing, too much will just smother you.
Give yourself some credit sometimes
I feel towards what I feel towards ALL members here, wether I share their thoughts or not; this forum is POORER without you than with you.
Regardless, good luck, hope to see you again ;-)

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You're right, we have not had any prolonged conversations and there's a good reason for that. When you joined up last year I was still away and the only time was for a short period when I was here for Christmas 2017. From the posts I have read during my catching up around here you seem to be doing pretty well in here and honestly I like to see that for everyone that joins.

You have a thread in here where you have gone into a lot of detail about something that has happened to your family and in reading it a few things stuck out for me almost immediately. First it was your strength and resolve you showed as the time went on. It was difficult for you because I read the posts you made but you somehow held on and you should be admired for that. I debated posting in there and in the end I did not because I did not want to rehash old feelings for you. All I want to say here is that I hope your family is doing better now.

Also the support that you received (deservedly so) from the people who posted comments in there were very kind and I thought they were helpful. This is where I think this place shines at times when it rallies around one of their own members.

Now this is where you and I split apart and go our separate ways. If I had posted something in here that I wanted to share that bothered and affected me as much as that incident did with you I would not have received even 1% of the response that you got. It is a fact, it is how it is and there is nothing more I can say about it. There is a clique in here. I am not the only one who has noticed this.

You're right, I am hard on myself and for a long time I would beat myself up for how I was treated here. I'm not innocent either. After I saw myself froze out by people I stopped trying. When someone was not doing well or when there was a birthday I'd come in and say something supportive or nice and everyone would be thanked instead of me, you know like they pretended not to see it.

You can take the cold shoulder so long Richard until you say to yourself that there has to be something better to do. Thank you for saying that the forum is poorer without me here. You really made a lot of people laugh. And by the way for the record most of the people in here are not like I have described. Most are the supportive ones that you found in that thread of yours.

AmyTheTemperamental said:

Welcome back. Yes, I mean that.

First off, I want to apologize. I am really sorry. And yes, I mean that, too.

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Thank you Amy for the welcome back and for the apology. Both were not expected but I am thankful for getting them

AmyTheTemperamental said:

I understand your point completely. It's very easy to get consumed by the stupidity of it all. I did a lot of things during my time here that were nothing but acts of bullying, viscous and certainly unnecessary. My place here isn't what it used to be, not even close.

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I am wondering if you are ok now. I hope you and your children are doing fine and that you had a good Christmas. I remember you telling me last year you were getting your own house. I hope that is going well for you now.

AmyTheTemperamental said:

I am glad that you found people you are comfortable with here. That's all anyone really wants.

I have all the best wishes for you in the New Year. Whether you end up staying here or not, keep your head up.

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I'll be here for a little while but not permanently. I just can not do that again. Not for awhile at least.

LostintheBardo said:

Welcome back BeyondShy

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Thank you. I am not sure who you are since you joined when I was away but it is much appreciated.

It's Paraiyar, I left the forum but came back.

I know this has nothing to do with me, but these comments demonstrate why the people on this forum are amazing - we all support one another and don't cast anyone out over trivial things. I just wish I could know you all in person. I really do.

BeyondShy said:

You know, kind of like how you feel about me.

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Thinking for other people again?  :club:

The problem is that you have no idea what anyone thinks of you.  You have, time and again, made something completely innocent into something it's not because you interpret it in a negative way when it's meant to be positive.  I've seen you do it, you know you do it. 

Okay okay, that's all the "lecture" I'll give right now

I hope you are starting to see that people DO actually want you around.  Get out of your head, it's making you doubt everything you see and read.

'...made something completely innocent into something that it's not'.

Hmmm. I've been on both sides of this statement.

LostintheBardo said:

It's Paraiyar, I left the forum but came back.

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I remember you.

hewhowalksalone said:

I know this has nothing to do with me, but these comments demonstrate why the people on this forum are amazing - we all support one another and don't cast anyone out over trivial things. I just wish I could know you all in person. I really do.

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This is not a private thread. You and anyone else are more than welcome to come in here to say whatever you want. You are more than welcome here.
And I do see a lot of support in here and I won't deny the fact that I received a lot of it too. To say I never did would be an insult to the people who took the time to talk to me. I respect them very much. However the second part of what you said I may have to disagree with. Things that may seem trivial to some may not be looked at the same way to someone else. That is how I view some things that happened in here in the past.

TheRealCallie said:

Thinking for other people again? 

The problem is that you have no idea what anyone thinks of you. 

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And you're right again. I have no idea what anyone in here or in real life think of me. The only thing I can base it on is how they treat me in here and the way I decide that is by their posts that are directed at me. Or when I ask a question to someone in here and am ignored. That tells a lot because you know they saw it because they responded to someone else's post made previously to yours. I may not have no idea what anyone thinks of me but I have one hell of an educated guess. Despite what people may think of me I am not a clueless idiot. I did very well in school and people who know me in person say I am very intelligent, something I consider a compliment.

TheRealCallie said:

You have, time and again, made something completely innocent into something it's not because you interpret it in a negative way when it's meant to be positive.  I've seen you do it, you know you do it. 

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Yes, well I suppose it is true if you are bringing that up. It is too bad I can not find examples in here so I can go back and read what was said. The odds are the comments were from someone I was very wary of to begin with and I had nothing but distrust towards them. But I won't say for sure without reading those past posts. All I will say is that I understand what you are saying.

TheRealCallie said:

Okay okay, that's all the "lecture" I'll give right now

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You don't lecture me. If there is one thing I want you to take away from my response here to you is that I respect you very much. You were helpful to me and you pointed out and showed me different ways to look at situations that I seem to experience a lot. (Not being able to talk to people, especially women, pushing me to say hi to a certain number of people a day, getting out to do things, etc.) Do you realize that when I actually do say hi to someone for a split second I think of you? I even do it when I have been away from here. Nothing wrong with a gentle push from someone to do the right thing.

I know it is hard sometimes but I just wished every once in awhile you could have seen my point of view at times. Not everyone is always wrong or always right. For these people I've always been the one who was wrong. And no, I will not name names. We discussed that once too. Trust me, I really listened to you. I may not have made you proud but I did listen.

TheRealCallie said:

I hope you are starting to see that people DO actually want you around.  Get out of your head, it's making you doubt everything you see and read.

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Yes Ma'am. I am happy you feel that way. I guess I will have to keep my eyes open when I am here to try and see what you see. Thank you.

I do try to give advice where I can but I'm not always so good with voicing my own opinions on certain subject matters. Especially when I don't really have the full scoop of what went down. But I just to give my support really

hewhowalksalone said:

I do try to give advice where I can but I'm not always so good with voicing my own opinions on certain subject matters.  Especially when I don't really have the full scoop of what went down.  But I just to give my support really

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Sometimes the offering of support is all you can do. What went down as you put it was not an isolated incident but rather a combination of many, many things.

my best friend is also meself.

Azariah said:

my best friend is also meself.

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What in God's name are you talking about?

I think Azariah is saying that you can like yourself - something about enjoying your own company, am I right?

yeap

BeyondShy said:

Azariah said:

my best friend is also meself.

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What in God's name are you talking about?

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Your comment here comes off a little inpatient and annoyed.  A perfectly innocent comment that you didn't understand.  This is what I was talking about when I said think before you respond.  Did you mean to come off that way?  Honestly, I don't know, but the question could have been asked in a better way.  For example, "I'm not sure what you mean, could you explain?"

Hello everyone or at least hello to those of you who remember me or care to remember me. I hope everyone in here has been doing well and as far as for me let me just say I'm doing the best I can.

It is my hope that my return here for the short time that I will be here will not upset anyone because that is not my intention. It's just that during the holidays I really have no other place to go. Yeah, I think that's pretty funny too.

I realize that I may be like some unwanted relative but if you bear with me I promise to be gone in early January. I have not set a date yet but I will.

For all the new people that have joined here over the past year I want to welcome them and I hope that they will be accepted here for who they are because that is something I was never able to accomplish.

Please don't get me wrong because there are a lot of wonderful and caring people here. When I am gone I still think of people in here and I hope always that they are doing okay. For me that is what matters.

Have a good holiday season!

what you going to do gone in early January?

lookatbrightside said:

what you going to do gone in early January?

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I don't understand what you mean.